[28yearoldvirgin]

Hi everyone,

Sorry about the drama subject. But that’s just what I feel.

I’m 28 years old female, and has never been in a serious relationship. Just went through many unfulfilling dates, until i feel like i only attract people whom i have no interest in.

anyway, now i’m very attracted to my manager at my work. He propositioned me for sex which i refused (few months ago). The next time (a week ago) we ended up all hot and heavy with some serious necking. I gave him a handjob but didn’t have the real event.

the big problem is i wonder if all we have is just lust and sex. I’m not proud to say that i lied to him and he thinks i’m experienced. i think being 28 and a virgin seems just so wrong.

He’s very much a casanova and he brags about how many girls he had. he doesn’t plan much for the future, has no savings and indulges himself to extremes without thought. He thinks he will probably die young so he doesn’t care.
But being with him a lot at work, i see him and his actions. he is really very kind, generous, honest and honorable. as much as he spends, he does not have debts and he tries his best to make everyone around him happy.

Think i’m slightly in love with him already…
anyway 2 days after our necking, i see him at work spotting a hickey. I asked and he says it’s not by me. I’m jealous but since i have no claim on him i can only sigh and keep quiet.

What should i do? I don’t seem to have a lot of willpower where he’s concerned…
HK

[Smokey]

28yearold,

It’s not love, its infatuation. How long you’ve known your manager?

First of all, getting involved with someone in the workplace is not to be taken lightly, especially since he’s your boss. The worst is, you could lose your job and then get a bad reference. If not, you could be enduring plenty of pain and awkwardness if you two aren’t on the same page. Seeing my ex-gf opposite me everyday was hell for both of us. And it affected everyone else at work too. All the lies & gossip. Watching her flirt with other guys was torture. So i don’t wish it on anyone!

You deserve more than this guy, who obviously doesn’t care about who he hurts or the consequences of his actions. He’s only after sex.
[quote=”28yearoldvirgin”]He propositioned me for sex which i refused…
He’s very much a casanova and he brags about how many girls he had. he doesn’t plan much for the future… He thinks he will probably die young so he doesn’t care… i see him at work spotting a hickey. I asked and he says it’s not by me.[/quote]

At the end of the day it’s your life. My advice? If you want a serious relationship, then this guy isn’t for you.
If like him (some how i don’t think you are), you’re only after no-strings-attached sex then you gotta weigh up the risks in the workplace. It’s not just the issue of virginity here, your heart is fragile too and shouldn’t be something to give so easily. Think about it.

[wacki 0335]

Run from this guy, don’t walk. Being a virgin at 28 is not wrong. It is commendable!! Save it for a guy that loves you and is worthy. This guy is a male whore. He will use you and throw you away. Run!!!

[28yearoldvirgin]

Haha thanks to all,

actually I figured it out myself too, just today. observing how he’s with the other colleagues, I realise he’s taking me for granted. I wonder if i’m even someone he respects or treat as a friend. So i’m going to steer clear of him from now

[AskApril Masini]

It doesn’t sound like your being a virgin is the problem here. It sounds like you attract people who “you have no interest in,” according to you. That’s a problem! Your boss that you’re fooling around with sounds like he’s just using you as a sexual conquest, and you may be doing the same with him. No where in your post do I hear you saying that you like this guy or admire any of his attributes. You mention all his problems, and then say you’re attracted to him even though he’s fooling around with other women while he’s also fooling around with you. Hmmm….what are you doing here?

I know that you think that being 28 and being a virgin is “so wrong,” but that’s just a symptom of your not knowing what you want from yourself and from someone else in a relationship. In fact, your being a virgin probably has more to do with your not wanting to expose your emotions to someone else — not your body. If you’re able to find a way to share your true and deep feelings with someone else, and allow them to share their true and deep feelings with you, you’ll be able to experience real intimacy. Good sex — the kind where you share your self with someone, not just your body — comes from being able to give and take emotions.

My advice to you is get rid of this bozo boss of yours as a lover or anything other than a co-worker. He’s not interested in you for anything more than he can get from you sexually in any given moment.

Then start respecting yourself. When you do that, you’ll attract other people who respect you and who respect themselves, too. That’s a good platform for finding someone who may be able to share feelings, experiences, fun, romance, and maybe even sex. But unless you have that platform of respect — self respect — you’re going down the wrong path.

I hope that that helps!

[Ethan Morales]

You’re not doing anything “wrong” by being 28 and still a virgin. That’s just your story, not a flaw. The issue here isn’t your lack of experience it’s that you’re mixing emotional loneliness with physical attraction, and the result is confusion that feels like love. You said it yourself this guy is a Casanova, openly involved with multiple women, and doesn’t seem emotionally available. That’s not love; that’s chemistry and escapism dressed up as something meaningful.

He’s charming, probably magnetic, and that kind of energy can make you feel seen in a way others haven’t. But let’s be honest if someone brags about his conquests and wears another woman’s hickey days after being intimate with you, that’s not kindness. That’s disrespect. He might be generous, sure, but generosity without boundaries can coexist with selfishness. He gives to feel good about himself not because he values people deeply. That’s a key difference.

The real pattern I see is that you’ve been settling for attention because you’ve been starved for connection. You even said you usually attract people you don’t like. So when someone finally sparks your desire, you grab on, even if they’re wrong for you. That’s not weakness; that’s unmet emotional need and the way you fix it isn’t by fighting for this man’s affection. It’s by understanding why you confuse intensity with intimacy.

Also lying to him about being experienced? I get it. You felt vulnerable, and vulnerability can feel like handing someone a loaded weapon. But that moment says a lot about how little safety you feel with him. If you can’t be honest about something as basic as your experience, that’s not a relationship that’s performance. And you don’t owe anyone a performance.

You’re not in love with this man; you’re in love with what being desired by him makes you feel wanted, noticed, alive. But those things have to start from self-respect. Because when you respect yourself, you stop chasing people who make you feel replaceable.

If I were you, I’d cut ties with him. Not in a dramatic way just create distance, emotionally and physically. You need room to remember what it feels like to want yourself first, before anyone else’s validation. When you start choosing peace over excitement, your whole type changes. You stop craving the bad boys and start attracting people who match your value, not your wounds.

So yeah… I’d say this: your story isn’t about a man. It’s about learning to stop mistaking chaos for connection. Once you do that, you’ll never find yourself second-guessing your worth again.

[Natalie Noah]

It’s clear that you’re feeling a mix of desire, excitement, and confusion, and that’s completely normal. What jumps out to me is that your attraction to your boss is heavily tied to physical chemistry and the thrill of secrecy, rather than a foundation of emotional connection or shared values. That kind of attraction can feel intense, but it often clouds judgment. You’re already noticing red flags his carefree, self-indulgent lifestyle, his casual attitude about sex, and the fact that he seems to have multiple interests simultaneously. Those are important cues that what you have may be primarily sexual, rather than a true, mutual, long-term connection.

The deeper issue here seems to be about your own sense of worth and emotional vulnerability. You’re worried about being a virgin at 28 and have allowed that fear to push you into situations that don’t honor your emotions or your needs. True intimacy emotional and sexual isn’t just about the mechanics of sex. It’s about mutual respect, trust, and emotional safety. Right now, this relationship with your boss doesn’t provide that foundation; it’s exciting in the moment but lacks the stability and respect that will allow you to feel truly seen, cherished, and loved.

you need to step back from this situation and reclaim your sense of self-respect. You deserve to be with someone who values you for all of you, your mind, heart, and body not just for what you can provide physically. That doesn’t mean shutting down your sexuality, but it does mean aligning your actions with your deeper desires for connection and love. Focus on cultivating relationships with people who show consistent care, respect, and interest in your life beyond the sexual realm. When you do that, the intimacy you crave emotional and sexual will come naturally, and it will feel fulfilling instead of complicated or anxious.

[Member]

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