[laceyvengenz]

[color=#000000]Okay, so I’ve been with my boyfriend for going on four years (since I was 16, he was 21… now I’m 19 and he’s 25). He has been wonderful, but let’s get into the whole story here…

At the beginning he was great, until he asked to move into mine and my parents home… my parents have always been the type to let their kids go with their own flow and let us pretty much do what we want (I know, it’s crazy). Anyway, he moved in with us and it was good at first, and he promised to get a job and support himself and save up enough money so we could get our own home, that obviously didn’t happen so I just kind of blew it off. On the 8th month of living with us, he FINALLY got a job… but bad news, I had gotten pregnant, at 16. He forced me into getting an abortion and didn’t even pay for the procedure… my family did. At this point, I was pretty ticked off… but again, just blew it off.

Well eventually he had saved up enough money for us to get our own apartment, I was extremely excited. Before we even moved in, I asked him if we could have our puppy there and he said YES. Apparently he lied to me because our landlord found out about the pup and we got evicted. But, even before we had gotten evicted, the second night of living in our own apartment… his friend’s dad had stopped by and asked if he could spend a couple nights with us… which we kindly said yes. I’ll continue this part in a moment…

Anyway, upon receiving an eviction notice, we looked and looked for somewhere to live and finally we had found a house just down the street from our former apartment. It wasn’t the greatest home, but it would definitely work. Okay, so here’s the bad part… his friend’s dad had been living in our former apartment with us for 4 MONTHS! AND he wanted to move into our house with us… which lasted another 3 months. I don’t know how I put up with it, but I sure complained about it a lot… we paid for his food, cigarettes, and everything else too.

Well finally the guy moved out… and things were great, until I started receiving a $1,000 a month check for over a year. I paid every single rent payment, took out a loan for him which never got paid, and paid all of the other bills and bought food… because guess what now? He had lost his job… and I supported him.

Once I had turned eighteen years old, I stopped receiving that check and he was too lazy to get up off his butt and get a job… so we got evicted yet again… and I was forced to move back home with my parents. I’ve lived with them to this day… and he still has no job and lives with his father. He keeps trying to talk me into having a baby with him and I think I’m still too young and I definitely don’t want to have a child with someone who can’t even support himself.

I do love him with all of my heart, but he is so rude to me and says hurtful things all of the time. He tells me I’m stupid and that I’m nobody. That isn’t love to me…

So what do you think? Should I stay with him?[/color]

[Ask April Masini]

Here’s my advice:

1. Break up with this guy.

2. Go to the doctor or a health clinic and have a physician put you on birth control that works so you don’t get pregnant until you are married.

3. Enlist in the United States Army, Marine Corps or some other branch of service. I’m serious. You could really learn a lot about discipline and character. You’d be given a place to live and responsibility to build your self esteem. You seem to have no problem taking orders. You’d be serving your country and making something of your life. You’ll come out of your service with a career.

So that’s my advice. As for what’s happened in the past, well, I’m very sorry your parents let your boyfriend move in with you when you were 16 and he was 21 and that you got pregnant while he was living with you and your family. He could have been arrested and prosecuted for statutory rape, and your parents could have lost legal custody of you for their judgment. It was a real mistake on your parents’ part. But not your fault.

It’s not surprising that you moved directly from your parents house to living with your boyfriend where you obeyed him and looked up to him rather than taking responsibility for reading the lease or saying no to paying for things you shouldn’t have been paying for or not getting an abortion if you didn’t want one instead of allowing your boyfriend “to make you” get one. You replicated your parent/child relationship from your family of origin with your boyfriend. Clearly, you were not mature enough to be moving in with your boyfriend, and he wasn’t and still isn’t ready to take care of a woman. His desire to have a baby with you now is one of the worst ideas ever.

Don’t date anyone right now. Get your own life together and make something of yourself you can be proud of. When you do that, I bet you’ll be a magnet for some prince in shining armor on a white horse. I mean it.

[Ethan Morales]

Reading your story, it’s clear you’ve been through an intense, unhealthy relationship that has taken a huge toll on you emotionally, financially, and practically. Here’s my take: Your ex-boyfriend isn’t a partner. A healthy relationship is built on mutual respect, support, and shared responsibility. He has consistently failed on all of these fronts: not working, relying on you for bills, treating you cruelly, trying to pressure you into a child he can’t support, and being emotionally abusive. Love doesn’t make up for that; what you’re experiencing is not love, it’s exploitation.

You were put in impossible situations too early. Moving in with him at 16, being pregnant, handling finances, and navigating adult responsibilities with someone who wasn’t capable of them was overwhelming. It’s not your fault you were young and trying to make the best of it. You were dealing with adult-level problems before you were ready.

You need space and boundaries. Staying in contact or entertaining any idea of having a child with him is dangerous for your future and well-being. Right now, your priority needs to be you and your independence, your health, your confidence, and your life plan.

End contact with him completely. Block or limit communication so you can heal. Protect yourself physically and emotionally. Use birth control and seek medical guidance if needed. Rebuild your life. Focus on education, career, hobbies, and friendships that support you. Therapy or counseling could help you process the trauma of this relationship and build stronger boundaries.

Once you’ve regained control of your life and independence, you’ll naturally attract partners who are capable of loving and supporting you in a healthy way. Right now, he represents everything that would hold you back.

You deserve someone who respects you, contributes equally, and uplifts you, not someone who drains you or belittles you. The best thing you can do for yourself is cut ties and focus on building a strong, independent foundation for your future.

[Author]

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