[lovelovelove09]

heyyy april 🙂 id like to thank you SO mucccch in advancedd for takingg the timee to read this! my name is Kellie Bender . so, im seventeeen yearrs oldd & ive got an issssue! but then againn, what else is new?

soo im the type of girl that doesnt date, just has little things with guys. sometimess we dont even kisss or anythingg. just talk & text & flirtt . its alll i really wantt , im not a “get seriouss” type of girlll ! untill somethingg happenedd.. SO onn my seventeennth bdayy , i had a parrrty . i had onlyy met thiss guyy that i caree a lot aboutt, named Jacob Karrois, a few dayss beforee planningg my party. we talkedd once in the hallwayy randomly causee we were standingg in the samee group. then he textedd me the class after thatt & from then on it was allll me & him flirting and stufff. as usual, nothhhhing seriouss for him, and nothing serious for him either (hes kindaa a flirt too, so i thought it was perrrrfecT!) sooo i textedd him and i wass liek “you wannna come to my party or whatt ? ; )” and he was all “yeaaah, sureee love” so i invited him. from the period of time i sent out invites (3 weeks before partyy) until the day of my party, we textedd like everyday, just flirttting and being allll sexualll . it was funn, like whateverrr, nothing seriouS. so thhen, a weeek beforre the party or sO, he texts me hes like “soooo im gonnna give you 17 birthdayy kisses?” i said “yeaaa surrre ; ) ” and he said “im seriousss<3” soo then comes the night of my party, he texts me in the afternooon reminding me of ourr little deall . at first i was like (thinkingg in my head) “uhhhmm. i only signedd up forr flirtinggg but whateverr?” so he camme and he was all flirty towards me. since its my partyy, with about 50 drunkken kids in my house, i was busy. howeverrr, i found time for him. it was a huggge dance partyy, so we danced and made out, this happened 3 times throughout the nigght cause id have to leave every now & thenn orr someone would call him overrr so . yeah ! and thenn it started clearing outtt, maybe only 30 kids were left. we were in the midddle of my kitchen & he picked me uppp like i was a kid or something and we kisssed . i felt like it was kinda getting seriousss ? but anyyways .then i gooo to cleanup a bit and then i randomly go into a dark bedroom & shut my eyes. i was bbeyondddddd exhausted & barely realized what was goingg on (i didnt drink by the wayy, i was completeely soberrr just realllllly reallly tired!!) so then i open my eyes & jake is on the chairrr next to me . we make eye contact & he comes on the beddd , he looked soo seriouss and then the lights somehow switched offf ? dont remember how (remember i was exhausssssssted !) soo then we madeoutt for awhille . before we lefttt he kissed me againnn . so im not saying that i lieked himmm thennn, but idk it was kind of ifffy? i knew we could POSSIBLY have a thinggg (obviously if we kisssed/made outt 5 timess that nigght) and then the next few dayss he didnt text me. i was like, SHOOOOT im a bad kissser he thinks ): then i discovered, NO im not becausee otherwisee he would not keep comingg back to me time after time after time after timeeee you know? so then were at schoool and we hug in the hallways. (honestly, we werent cllosee friendss, we just made out & texted & sometimes talkked) thenn, a few more days passs and i find out hes dating this other girllll ?|: SHEILA. and theyyy didnt make out or hangout or anythinggg |: i was SHOCKED, upsettttt and offended.
likeee i just feltt UPSET in everrry single way . i was soo offended. from that point on for a longgggg while, he neverrr spoke to me . i was likkke WOW |: appparently his gf hated on meeee ? liek SORRRY i made out w/ your present boyfriend when he was singleee . so anyyways. then a few weeekss after that, there would be an occcasional real life conversation and a wave and “HEY(:” in the halllways. i LOVED that. at least i knewww he was theree, you know ? so i didnt have to constantly missss him or stress over it ! a week ago or 2 weeeks agoo, sheilaa cheated on him apparentlyy? theyve been a REALLLY shakey couple, close to breakinnn up soo.. i was happpy OBVIOUSLY being thee beyottch that i amm ahah . thenn a week or 2 weekks ago i got a new celllphone, i msg him on msnn im like “celllll phone number ? (:” and he just gives me the numberr, no hearttt, no smileyyy, no happppiness anywhere . then todayy, it was pretty much only me & him & some other kids in the hallway, exam day todayy. and we barely talked i was just SOOO awkward i regret being so awkwarrrd UGH . and thennn yeah it was just reallly reallly reallly weird. and then id find myself constantly trying to be near him & hed constantly move away. then i was walking by him & i ran into himm (YES, on purposee, i admitt it ) and i wass like “sorrrry” and touched him lightly. i saw him smilee, kinda. so i was like K. and thenn i went hommme and i was likke (on piczo) he took a quizz and he got “very specialll person” and i saidd ” notttt so much (:” and he didnt replyyy to me.. but then on the quiz he took after he got “35% coool” anddd his friendd ,Mike said “it shoulddd beee 0%” and he said “ohhhh thankkkks” so he ignored mineee or either misssed it ? UGHHHhhhh.

my questionssss are: why is he ignoringgg me? and another thinggg.. do i REALLY like him, or not? maybe im just jealousss or idk, i just have realllly strong feeelings towardss him & ive never feltt this wayy beforre. im reallly confusedd & upset, like i saiddddd . soooo yeaaah thatsss alll ive got to say abouttt that haha. should i just giveeee up ? is he realllly worth it ? does he thinkk im creeepy & clinggy ? im just stressed, hope you can get me outta my misery lmfaooo .

SORRRY that was soooo long ! HOPE YOU CAN HELPPPPP ! ((((: thanks in advanced april, yourrrrr the best <3 take careeee !
~ LOVE, kellllie benderrrr*

[AskApril Masini]

What you describe is exactly what being a teenager is like for most of the six years you are one. Everything you’re going through is very normal. Jacob’s behavior is also very normal for a teenage boy. This is a time when you and every other teen is figuring out what you like, what you don’t like, how you want to treat other people, how you want to be treated yourself, and how to experiment with a body that’s more like an adult’s, but with a mind that isn’t quite there yet.

Jacob acted very much like most teenage boys act. They are hormone charged and they really want to make out and go further if possible. Jacob was probably really jazzed that you invited him to your party, and you both loved flirting. When he told you he was going to give you 17 kisses at your party, that was his way of taking things a step further and letting you know that’s where he was going, and seeing how you would respond. While you weren’t so sure about the making out, you experimented and went for it.

But men and women are different, even as teenagers. Women get a lot more invested emotionally after making out or any kind of sexual activity with a man than men do, if they’re honest with themselves. Women who think they can turn off emotions and make out with lots of different men, or go further than making out with lots of different men are denying their true feelings. Men, however, are much more driven, generally, by sexual urges and are generally able and willing to let sex be their goal — even if it’s just making out. That’s not to say there aren’t gentlemen out there. There are. But men without manners are sexually driven.

Jacob may have hoped things were going to go further sexually, than they did, and decided to move on when they didn’t. He may also have just met someone new, the same way he did you, and went full tilt on pursuing her. You’ll never really know what his feelings were. But you do know what his actions were, and he gave you very clear messages after your party that he’s not really interested. I know it’s confusing because your feelings are different and you want and maybe even expect him to respond differently than he did, but if you pay attention to his not responding to you, you’ll understand that he’s moved on.

You, however, haven’t. You’re a little seduced by having made out with him and invested yourself emotionally and physically. In your head, making out with a guy means you have a relationship. Trust me — in his head it’s not the case. You’re also very in touch with your uncertainty. It’s interesting that you asked me to tell you how you feel about Jacob. I don’t need to, because you already now how you feel: You liked him when he was giving you attention, and you don’t like the fact that he got a new girlfriend so quickly after you, and then ignored you even though you’d made out with him. You were interested in moving forward with him. At your pace. He wasn’t.

Since he’s moved on, my suggestion to you is to take advantage of the summer, and make a fresh start yourself. Move on, meet new people this summer, and stay true to your own feelings, while listening and paying attention to those of the men who come into your life.

[lovelovelove09]

APRILLLLLL ! (:
omg thankyou soo much you have NO ideaaa how much youve helped me ! i asked otherrr people for advice much like i asked youu, but NOBODY has given me such great advice. yessssss, it IS summmer! im going to go & meet some new people, maybe some that will respect me. i thinkkk , slowly but surely, ill get over himm. it just requires time, and being awayy from him during the summmer should do it ! THANK YOU SO MUCH, your a lifee saverrrr !

[AskApril Masini]

Let me know how things are going for you…. 😀

[Natalie Noah]

You’re not crazy that whole rollercoaster you described is exactly what being a teenager feels like. Hormones, peer-pressure, drama and mixed signals create a perfect storm where a few make-outs can feel like a relationship to one person and like a fun, throwaway night to the other. From what you wrote, Jake gave very teen-typical signals: flirty, hot-and-cold, then moved on. That’s painful, but it also tells you something important: his actions, not his words, show his priorities right now.

So what do you do? First, protect your heart. Stop investing energy chasing someone who’s already shown he’s willing to move on quickly. Give yourself a break from thinking about him nonstop delete the temptation (mute or hide him on social media, put your phone away, avoid the places you know he’ll be). The best way to get over someone is to let yourself feel the hurt for a short while, then replace that empty space with things that make you feel good about yourself: friends, a class, a hobby, a summer job, or something that makes you proud.

When you do interact with him, keep your dignity front-and-center: be pleasant but not needy. If he starts acting flirty again, watch his pattern are his words matched by consistent, respectful behavior? If not, don’t hand him the emotional steering wheel. And if you want to know where you stand, you can ask once calmly and directly but don’t expect a perfect grown-up answer. Teen boys often don’t know what they want, and asking repeatedly will only make you feel worse.

You’re learning now how you want to be treated. This summer is a golden opportunity to meet people who respect you and to practice boundaries. Let yourself be open to new fun (and safe) experiences, and treat this as a lesson, not a lifetime sentence. You’ll be surprised how quickly confidence and fresh connections make the old crush shrink into something you can smile about instead of cry over.

[Member]

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