[lexnjes]

Hello,

My name is Lex, and I’m 22 years old. I normally would never consider asking for advice. But no matter how hard I think about it, I cannot seem to figure this out. In this relationship, a few red flags have popped up here and there. The first red flag raised on the very first day of the relationship. After accepting my proposal to being a relationship, she admitted that she had done a bad thing in the past. She had cheated on her most recent ex boyfriend. She cheated on him with the ex boyfriend before her most recent, whom had been in an “off and on / unstable” relationship with her. Her reasoning for cheating was; “I wasn’t attracted to him anymore”. In my mind, there is no legitimate reason for cheating. She also mentioned that she felt horrible about it and would never do it again. She doesn’t want to be that kind of person. I understand that humans are not perfect and make mistakes. But the phrase “once a cheater always a cheater” has been proven to me by past relationships.

The second red flag was raised when she wanted to go night swimming with two guy friends. I wasn’t invite because I was working that night. I bluntly told her that I felt uncomfortable about it and that I didn’t want her to go without me. She said there’s nothing wrong with it. So she went night swimming with her two guy friends, and I showed up later after I called in sick to work.

The third red flag raised when I decided to move to North Dakota to work on the oil fields. I told my girlfriend I would not go unless she went with. She said she would go! She wanted to be wherever I was. I quit my current job, packed up, etc. The night before we were supposed to move to North Dakota, she got a call from her father. Her father was furious with her decision to move with me. He wanted to talk to her before she left. We went to her dads house that night, she talked with him for hours as I sat in the car, uninvited. She came back down and said she wasn’t going to go with me because she still needed to complete her graphic design internship. (Its been one year since that day, and she has not yet started her graphic design internship). I ended up moving to North Dakota without a choice. I didn’t want to leave her, but I had already quit my job. I went to ND for 3 months, made a ton of cash, and moved back to my original state. The day I left for ND, I was so close to ending the relationship. I was so mad… I knew she wasn’t going to finish her internship.

The fourth red flag raised when she wanted to spend the night at a guys house (one of her friends). They were all drinking, she was drunk and could not drive. However, she could have easily gotten a ride, I offered to wake up later and give her a ride. But she said no, she was going to spend the night. I told her I was also uncomfortable about this and didn’t want her to sleep over at a friends house. Especially if she had the option of coming back home. Is there a NEED to sleep over at another guys house? So she slept over, regardless of how I felt about it.

The fifth red flag just recently popped up. Everyone has a best friend, hers just happens to be a guy. I’m not the jealous type, nor do I care if she hangs out with other guys. Night swimming & sleeping over at guys houses, I have issues with. Anyways, her and her best friend get to hang out 1-3 a month. At the beginning of the relationship, I was normally invited to go with. Supposedly, her best friend no longer likes me, in which I am no longer invited to go with. I have not confirmed this with her best friend, yet. Her best friend lives with one of my girlfriends ex boyfriends. The guy that helped her cheat on her most recent ex. She said she never goes over when he’s there, nor will she ever, supposedly.

I’m not feeling a whole lot of love or respect from this woman. I do love her, I just don’t know if I should be in this kind of relationship with her. I also want to have a family later in life. She’s not sure whether or not she wants kids. I guess that would be the sixth red flag.

Judging from this, what do you think I should consider doing?
Thanks in advance, I highly appreciate it!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Move on. This isn’t a compatible person for you. Whatever it is you like about her is trumped by her not having the same values and the same interest in you and the kind of relationship you want. Next!

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