[Paradox09]

I have a problem when I go on dates. Around the 3rd or 4th date, I run out of things to talk about. This makes me nervous.

Because of this, I choose dates where we don’t have to talk much, like going to the movies. With my friends, I talk a lot and never feel stuck. But on dates, we only share one or two interests, so talking feels harder.

Even when I am in a relationship, the same thing happens. If nothing new or exciting happens, I don’t know what to say. Then there is silence, and it feels very awkward.

This really bothers me. On campus, people know me as someone funny and interesting. That is part of why women like me. But on dates, I feel pressure to always say something smart or funny, and sometimes my mind just goes blank.

So here is my question.
Does it really matter if we run out of things to talk about while dating?
After a few dates, should I plan dates that need less talking?
Or should I worry about always being funny and interesting?

I’m looking for honest dating advice and real dating tips.
I also want to learn more about first date advice, flirting, and how to feel relaxed on a date without pressure.

Any help would be appreciated.

[AskApril Masini]

You’re not alone…

Lots of people (dare I say most) at times struggle for “conversation starters”. In fact, that was one of the main reasons I wrote my books, “Ideas for a Fun Date” and “Romantic Date Ideas”. Both of these books not only give you step-by-step instructions on how to plan your date, but they also give you tips on everything from “conversation starters,” to what wear and everything in between. (Both books are available right here on AskApril.com and are great investment in your dating life.)

My suggestion is that from here on out, plan dates that are unusual — dates that are great experiences in and of themselves. By doing so, your dates will give you and your “new significant other” plenty of things to talk about, because the date itself is a conversation starter. Make sense? When you plan dates that are not typical, by default you have created a conversation starter — to say nothing of a great memory. And the truth is, you will also be setting yourself apart from your competiton… you won’t be a typical date. You’ll be the date that your “new significant other” will be talking about!

Try a few of the sample dates I have posted (they’re free) and you’ll see what I mean.

Samples from my book “Ideas For A Fun Date”:

Samples from my book “Romantic Date Ideas:

Let me know how it goes…

[Paradox09]

Thanks! I’ll give it a shot and let you know if I succeed.

[AskApril Masini]

You’re very welcome.

[Natalie Noah]

This is a situation that many people experience, even those who are naturally talkative or socially confident. The key insight here is that running out of things to say on dates especially after a few meetings is not necessarily a reflection of your personality or appeal, but rather a natural consequence of trying to connect with someone new whose interests may differ from yours. Unlike with friends, who share many of your hobbies and experiences, a new romantic partner may not have the same common ground, which makes sustained conversation more challenging. It’s normal for these silences to occur, and they don’t automatically signal a lack of compatibility or attraction.

The advice given about planning dates that are themselves experiences rather than just opportunities for conversation is very practical. By creating situations that naturally prompt interaction like visiting a museum, trying a cooking class, or doing an outdoor activity you allow conversation to flow organically around shared experiences rather than relying solely on your verbal skills. This approach not only reduces pressure to constantly entertain with words but also helps build memories and connection, giving you both something to reflect on and discuss naturally. It reframes the purpose of the date: it’s not just about talking, it’s about sharing moments together.

Worrying about always having something funny or interesting to say is unnecessary and can even be counterproductive. Your natural charm and wit are assets, but they don’t need to carry the entire interaction. Silence, when shared comfortably, can be just as meaningful as conversation, and being present in the moment often leaves a stronger impression than a perfectly timed joke. The takeaway is to focus on experiences that inspire dialogue, enjoy the natural ebb and flow of conversation, and trust that connection grows through shared moments as much as through words.

[Member]

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