[Chanel99]

So two months ago, my best friend and I (hes male) took our relationship to another level. Weve been friends for almost ten years and I really cherish our friendship. Weve always been attracted to each other and flirty with each other but we were always in a relationship at the same time and never took our relationship past friendship. Well we both just got out of a two year relationship around the same time…like 8 months ago and he came to visit me two months ago ( he lives about four hrs away for school) and it was then that we crossed that line and hooked up. Rverything went great, there was no akwardness and after that moment things havent been the same. We talked about it and both agreed we loved it and wanted to see each other again so I went to see him about a month ago and we hooked up again and had a blast hanging out. Well, in between this we have grown closer on a more love than friendship level. When I was there he wad so attentive, never left my side, just a sweetheart.

He started saying things like ” I love you baby” at random moments, told me that he was nervous when we hooked up because he wanted everything to be perfect for me and he wants me to be happy, even said he wanted to put his best foot forward with me so that ill only think good things about him..told me if I lived there I would be his wife a few times, when we were together he would hold me, kiss me on my forehead tell me how beautiful I am and how much he loves kissing me, sometimes out the blue hed be like I really want to kiss u right now and one day out the blue he was like ” what would you do if one of ur best friends told you they were in love with u and had been for years” I was like um why did someone tell you that? Hes like uhh no my roommate wan tr s to tell this girl that im like come on!! Lol he has just been saying and doing so much to lead me to believe he is interested in me but anyways to sum it up after our first hook up I said so look are we just kickin it and hooking up or can we be more? Hes like would u want a long distance relationshop? I was like I would do it for u and hes like im not against it either..
now a month later I was like so are we talking or what? Where is this going? Hes like idk..i said where do u want it to go? Hes like I think we should hold off until we can give each other 100 percent and u know we cant right now cuz we still have feelingz for our exes…i was like what the hell! Hes like dont get all weird on me ..you know ive liked u for years but then the next day hes like what r u doing tonight? I was like im going out and he said I want u here…i said why he said I want u here with me every night..he txts or calls every day even when I try to not talk to him he txts me everyday like hi babygirl or hey boo..

My question is do I move on? I really kinda feel like im getting the run around and I know he loves n cares for me but why didnt he tell me this two months ago? Now ive fallen for him and im screwed..and he keeps saying stuff that makes me so weak when he knows how I feel..only thing I can think of is his ex ( who he was in a long distance relationship with the whole 2 yrs just moved to his town for med school)

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Yes, you should move on. He isn’t going to give you the long distance relationship or the more basic relationship that you want.

One of the things I always advise is to understand about hooking up. Men have sex because they can. This doesn’t mean he doesn’t care about you, but it does mean that the sex is less important to him than it was to you. For men, sex is physical. For women, it’s much more emotional. Sex changes things and for women, it attaches them to men much more quickly and completely. Now, after two months of dating, he’s moved on, and you’re trying to hang onto promises he made in the first month or two of dating which is really the time during which you should both start deciding if this person is someone you want to continue to see. Sex clouds your ability make a good decision.

People you’ve known for a long time often fly under the radar you use to weed out men who aren’t appropriate for you, when you don’t know them at all. Dating is important because it allows you to see if he wants to pursue you and value you as a girlfriend. Hooking up eliminates this process and leaves you unhappy, unfulfilled and feeling used. What I’d like to see you do is read Think & Date Like A Man, [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url], so you get all the tips and advice you need for dating successfully! You can buy the book on the link I just gave you or on the websites for Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

I know you’re hurt, but I hope you’ll move on, read Think & Date Like A Man, and make your next boyfriend, Mr. Right!

Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

[Chanel99]

But april we are best friends not bf and gurlfriend…it wasnt dating is was just us on a different level. My question is how do I continue the friendship at this point? And if hes moved on as you say why does he continue to call and txt everyday and say the same things he did two months ago? And considering we have always liked each other and hes alwayys said things like this to me am I wrong for believing that? How do I continue the friendshop without letting it bother me?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I know you want things to be different, but the fact is you’re [i]not[/i] best friends. Best friends don’t sleep together. And once you did, everything changed. He’s now calling and texting you to keep his options open. I don’t mean to be tough on you, but you basically gave him a friends with benefits situation and this is, typically, a win win for men, and a lose lose for women. He wants to keep that option open without committing to you in any way.

If you both always liked each other as potential romantic partners, then instead of hooking up with him, the correct move to make would have been to treat yourself as a potential girlfriend, not a hook up. Men cherish women who make them work for it! 😉 And if you want to be his girlfriend, you have to act like you’re girlfriend material. This means getting him to chase after you! (And recognizing that if he doesn’t, that relationship isn’t happening.)

You’re looking to him to define the relationship, and he’s giving you his version of it, which you don’t like. Now, you have to decide where your boundaries are. He’s not going to be a friend any more. He’s going to be someone who will look to you to hook up with if you’re both available.

Relationships change, and this one has, most definitely.

I hope that helps, even if it is disappointing. Clarity is a gift because it can guide you to make decisions that work for YOU! 😀

Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 🙂

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