I’ve been in a relationship with a wonderful woman for over a year now. We got married back in April and are still in our honeymoon phase. We’re very much in love and faithful to each other, but there is a small problem that’s beginning to be a big problem and it’s eating at me.
I found out recently that my wife has been calling her ex-boyfriend multiple times a day and is lying to me about it.
Her ex is still very involved in our day-to-day lives. He watches my stepdaughter after school when my wife and I are working in the evenings, he takes her to school when my wife has to be at work early, etc. It’s a relationship that she has reassured me over and over again is above board. I believe that she’s not being romantically unfaithful.
With that being said, however, there are a few times that I’ve caught her in a lie about her interactions with this guy. One was about a CD that I found in her car with some really good music on it. She originally told me it was burned by a mutual friend who borrowed her iPod, but when I complimented the friend on his choice of music, he had NO idea what I was talking about and said that he never borrowed her iPod. She insisted multiple times that the mutual friend burned it and he was just absent-minded. During a conversation with her ex, I mentioned the CD (I had a hunch) and he told me that he had burned it after borrowing her iPod. When I pressed my wife to find out why she lied to my face and risked ruining the trust of our relationship over a CD, she said that she was worried I’d be upset hearing some of “our” songs on a CD burned by her ex boyfriend. (It was given to her as a mix CD…nothing more).
I got upset again the other day when she told me about dropping her daughter off in the morning at her ex’s. He apparently overslept and was still asleep when my wife and stepdaughter got there. She walked into his (closed) bedroom to wake him up. I told her that I was upset that she didn’t just bang the hell out of the door until he opened it. She said she “didn’t think about it”. It was that afternoon that the multiple phone calls started. I asked her later that day if her ex had ever called back to apologize for not being awake and she said she hadn’t talked to him except in a short text that she didn’t respond to.
I found out that she called and talked to him twice that day. She called him today twice already and already lied to me about talking to him.
Umm…I guess I should also mention that after the CD incident, I started checking her call log on her phone when I feel like she’s not being honest. I know it’s not right and I feel like I creep doing it…but it seems like when I have that hunch about her lying to me and end up checking her phone calls, I find out that she’s really lying! It makes it hard to stop doing it.
After the CD incident, she’s been super honest and open about when she’s going to talk to him and what she needs to talk to him about. I’m worrying myself sick that she’s choosing to be deceitful again after hearing a story about her walking into his bedroom to wake him up. I haven’t said anything to her yet, but it’s eating me alive. I have to admit to snooping, but I don’t feel right letting her lie to me without saying anything. What should I do?????
