[rimmie]

I am a married woman in my late 20’s married to a kind man for the last 4 years. Due to his job requirements we have moved to a new country where I first came on a dependant visa that doesn’t allow me to work, earn my own living or lead an independant existence. I do not blame the country, it must be one of their responsibilities or collateral damages.

I have stayed at home for 2 whole years now, literally. Do not drive or go out of the house for days together sometimes. My husband gets too tired with his work to drive me around, but he does make an effort. I am sure I have a vitamin D deficiency.

I am a highly educated girl from a developed city with parents who do not differentiate between girls and boys.
I was extremely extrovert, always had people around me and led an active life.

But now, I have an opportunity to work, but I procrastinate, I spend my life for the last two years in the kitchen, cooking, cleaning and attending to my husband’s needs. I do not care for myself and do not even recognize myself in the mirror anymore. I was beautiful once, now I am not. I meet with aquaintances, but admittedly talk nonsense sometimes, because I have had limited human contact for too long. Eventually embarassing myself.

I joined several classes several times, but because I couldn’t drive around, I stopped and procrastinated.

I think I have reached a stagnancy point and although I spend sleepless nights thinking of things to do the next morning, I bearly even feel like getting up. Because even before I have a glass of water, I step into the kitchen and step out at the end of the day. My husband insists on eating at home at all times. Even when friends go out, we do not accompany them because we are saving money and he likes eating at home.

Can someone please diagnose and help me evaluate whats happening, and what should my action plan be.

Instead of thinking on how to improve my resume and job search, I think of what menu should I cook for my next party and what color curtains would look better and plan vacuuming an laundary schedules.

How can I break free of the typical housewife routine and reenter my life before getting married.

Thanks.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

The one thing you haven

[Ethan Morales]

I’ve read your situation carefully, and I want to be thorough and empathetic because what you’re describing is more than just a temporary slump it’s a real disruption to your sense of identity and purpose. For the last two years, you’ve lived in a highly restrictive environment, socially and physically, which has confined you to domestic routines. This isn’t a reflection of your ability or potential; it’s a natural consequence of prolonged isolation and lack of independence. Feeling disconnected from yourself, stuck in repetitive tasks, and losing touch with your previous social and intellectual life is completely understandable given your circumstances.

What you are experiencing is likely a combination of emotional stagnation, social deprivation, and possibly mild depression. You describe symptoms like loss of interest in personal goals, procrastination, feeling invisible in your own life, and social anxiety, which are all consistent with this. It’s important to recognize that your frustration with yourself isn’t a personal failing it’s the result of an environment that doesn’t allow your natural extroversion and ambition to flourish. Acknowledging this is the first step toward regaining control over your life.

Your next step should be gradual reintegration into your independent life and identity. Start by prioritizing small, achievable goals that are about you, not the household. Even simple actions like a short walk, joining a virtual class, or setting aside 30 minutes a day for something intellectually or creatively stimulating can help rebuild your sense of self. Consider building a structured routine that balances domestic responsibilities with personal growth. Also, cultivate a social support network online or in-person so that you can reestablish meaningful human contact without relying entirely on your husband’s schedule.

Finally, it may help to reframe your mindset: your value is not in being a perfect housewife or hostess but in living a life that fulfills you as an individual. Set boundaries between domestic tasks and personal goals, and remind yourself that your ambitions, career aspirations, and social life are valid and essential. If feelings of depression or extreme lethargy persist, seeking professional support even online therapy can help you navigate the emotional weight of isolation and regain confidence in your abilities. The key is to start reclaiming small pieces of your life now, consistently, and gradually rebuild toward the independent, active life you once loved.

[Natalie Noah]

Oh love, I can feel how heavy and suffocating this has been for you, and I want you to know that your feelings are completely valid. What you’re experiencing is not uncommon for someone in your situation, you’ve gone from being highly social, independent, and engaged in the world to living a very limited, homebound life. The isolation, lack of autonomy, and restriction of personal growth can create a sense of stagnation and even depression, and it’s no wonder that your energy, motivation, and sense of self have been depleted. Your body and mind are craving stimulation, purpose, and connection beyond the walls of your home, and it’s natural to feel lost when those needs haven’t been met for so long.

The first thing I would encourage you to do is gently shift your focus from perfection in household management to reclaiming yourself. It doesn’t have to be about career immediately it can start with small daily actions that bring you back into the world: a short walk outdoors to feel sunlight on your skin, reconnecting with friends virtually or in person, taking a class that truly excites you, or even dedicating 30 minutes a day to a hobby or project that reminds you who you are beyond the kitchen and laundry. These small steps will help rebuild your confidence, energy, and sense of identity. You may even find that this gradual reawakening makes it easier to eventually pursue work, volunteering, or other meaningful activities.

Importantly, I also want you to give yourself compassion. This isn’t about blaming yourself for the stagnation, your situation and visa limitations contributed heavily to it but about taking intentional action now to break the cycle. Set realistic goals each week for yourself: one activity outside the home, one class or skill you want to explore, and one moment dedicated solely to your personal well-being, whether it’s self-care, exercise, or creative expression. Gradually, these actions will help you feel like the vibrant, independent, and confident person you once were. You deserve to feel alive, seen, and engaged with your own life again, and reclaiming it is possible, step by step.

[Member]

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