[ally_xo]

There’s this guy that is my best friend’s boyfriend’s best friend. When the 4 of us hangout it feels like we are on a double date… he took my number and has been messaging me quite a bit. He is a really nice guy, very ambitious, has a good job, has similar interests as me…everything about it is appealing but I am really not physically attracted to him at all. I don’t want to necessarily shut him out because I am in my late 20s and looking for a relationship but at the same time I don’t want to settle. I know I might be going to much into the future but I really don’t want to date someone that I don’t see potential with. The main problem is the looks …. and the fact that we were in a situation where it felt as if there was pressure for us to hook up (i.e double date setting) so I know at the back of his mind he wants this to be more than friendship. I don’t know what to do. I really don’t want to give him mixed messages but at the same time I should be more open-minded?

April & friends please comment! I would really appreciate it! 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

My advice is to be more open minded. It sounds like this guy has a lot going for him, and if you find yourself really enjoying his company and respecting him, the attraction you think you’re missing, may follow. For most women, a man’s good looks are less important than other qualities, like his sense of humor, his character, his success in life, etc. If you look at some of the most sought after men, they’re not movie-star good looking. They’re successful. Think about how you’d feel if you turned him down and a very beautiful woman ended up dating and marrying him because he is such a great guy. Would you feel like you made a mistake?

If you do give dating him a try, and there is just no chemistry whatsoever, then you should move on, but my advice is to really think about what it is you’re looking for in a man, know you won’t get everything on your “list” and THEN decide if it might be worth a few dates to get to know him better and explore a possible relationship with him. 😉

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[thinking14]

I am in the same situation currently. The new guy I just started dating is wonderful and has all the personality traits I have been looking for. He is not ugly be any means just not what I am normally attracted too. I feel like people will look at us and think what is she doing with him she can do better, looks wise. Put it this way, if I was out somewhere he would not of gotten a second look. He is super nice and we can talk for hours, we enjoy the same things. My problem is that I fear that when I introduce him to my family they are going to look at me like what where you thinking? If I knew that I never had to introdcue him to my family or friends there would not be an issue. I am not embarrassed to be in public with him, just worry what those close to me will think.

I am happy, and his texts and emails make me smile. I just worry about the day I have to take him home to meet my family.

We are both in our late 30’s and have kids, they get along amazing, we met through the kids.

This is the kind of guy that would be excellent long term relationship material.

Am I wrong to feel like this? Am I putting to much emphasis on looks?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re definitely putting too much emphasis on what other people think of you when you’re with him. It’s a huge burden to expend energy worrying and stressing over what other people think. Focus inward. If you’re happy with him, and he’s got great qualities, and you have chemistry, your behavior is what’s important. In fact, other people will start treating him differently, when you do. People with less self-esteem look to those with more self esteem for cues on how to treat people who are pretty, ugly and every grade in between. This isn’t about him. It’s about you. 😉

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