[iamevie]

I recently went on a date with a “friend” from a Social Networking site. We had chatted and flirted back and forth for a couple of months, when he called an asked me out. Before the date we talked on the phone and it seemed we hit it off pretty well. We went on the date and everything pretty much went south.

I got all dressed up, and he looked like he was going to mow the lawn. He never even complimented me on how I looked. We went to eat at a sports bar and he jerked the remote to the booth TV right out of my hand. He told me we were not going to a movie, because there was nothing HE wanted to see. I suggested we go bowling, and he said he wasn’t very good at bowling and it he couldn’t win- he didn’t play. We then went to his friend

[GPM]

There’s always two sides to a story. But it seems pretty obvious that this guy is not for you. You’re not overreacting. I wouldn’t give him a second chance. That’s what dating is all about: you meet people and if you’re not happy with the outcome of the meeting, you MOVE ON… until you find someone that really makes your days brighter.

[tricia]

I somehow agree with GPM that there’s always a two sides on the story, you who didn’t enjoy his company and him who really enjoy the date. He really enjoyed it because your the one who almost handled the date. Your the one who talks a lot and seems to entertain him and this is the exact reason on why he enjoyed and why you didn’t appreciate the date.

[kai]

I’m a guy and I say give him another chance. Maybe he was just very nervous? That’s happened to me before.

Also, it’s possible that he didn’t ask you questions because he was trying to impress you by telling you stories about his life. That’s the reason he liked you so much, your questions made him open up and you acted interested in him.

I think you should give him another chance and if the 2nd date is as one-sided as the 1st, don’t go on a 3rd.

[ThinkingRight]

I agree with Kai. Give the guy another chance, he was probably nervous and trying to impress you. Unfortunately for him it had the opposite affect, but don’t kick him to the curb without first giving him a chance to redeem himself.

[GPM]

Interesting topic and interesting contributions…
I’ll just make two more observations:
1. If the guy was trying to impress you, he would have dressed up appropriately for a first date, he wouldn’t have grabbed the remote from you, and he would have accepted anyone of your outting proposals. My conclusion is that either he didn’t care about impressing you (bad sign) or he lacks taste and manners (bad sign).
2. In a sense, I sort of agree with giving him a second change/second date (we all make mistakes, right?). But you have to realize a few things. First of all, he’ll probably interpret a second date as though you’re still interested in him. He’ll think you were satisfied with the first encounter and that you want to repeat the experience (that’s usually what a second date is). And at this point, after a second date, bailing out will become a lot harder. It’s a lot easier to say “no” right away, than to wait and do it later on. You’ll start feeling sorry for him, blah blah blah and you’ll find it hard to dump him…. which you’ll probably ending doing anyhow because you’re clearly not ont the same wave length. So if the second date goes bad, will you have the strength to tell him that you’re just not interested???? For me, that’s the important question you have to answer.
So basically, it’s your choice. But the longer you wait to say “no”, the harder it gets.

[Ask April Masini]

Next!

It sounds like you are very clear that this date was rotten. Why would you put yourself through another date with a guy who can’t even show up dressed nicely? It’s one thing to be nervous on a date and fumble through sentences or spill a drink, but this guy is not in your league.

Remember: You are the prize. He gets to chase and impress you. And if he can’t or doesn’t…next!

Dating is a numbers game, and the more you date, the more likely you are to meet someone who, in your case, shows up for a date looking and smelling so great, he makes you feel special and wonderful, goes out of his way to make sure you are having a great time on the date, and is appreciative and generous because he wants you so much, and knows you’re so valuable, that he’d do what it takes to make you happy.

And send the dud date a copy of my book, Romantic Date Ideas, so maybe he can get a clue.

[Ethan Morales]

it’s very clear that the date you went on had multiple red flags, and April Masini’s advice is right on point. Here’s a breakdown:

His lack of effort and consideration: Not dressing appropriately, failing to compliment you, and dominating the environment (grabbing the remote) all signal a lack of respect or awareness of how to treat a partner. On a first date, these small but important gestures matter a lot they show attentiveness and investment.

Self-centeredness: Refusing your suggestion to go bowling because he “couldn’t win” shows he prioritizes his comfort or ego over mutual enjoyment. A partner should at least try to make shared experiences fun for both people, especially on a first date.

Mismatch in values and priorities: You value connection, effort, and shared fun. His behavior shows either social ineptitude or a lack of interest in treating you well. Either way, it’s a mismatch.

Your role in dating: April emphasizes that you are the prize, which is crucial. You deserve to date someone who shows up, respects your time, and wants to make you feel appreciated. Settling for someone who can’t do that sets a precedent for continued frustration.

Bottom line: You are absolutely not overreacting. This guy simply didn’t meet basic standards of dating etiquette or respect. Moving on is the healthiest choice not because he’s “bad,” but because he’s not right for you. Dating is about finding someone who meets your expectations for effort, fun, and respect.

The main takeaway: don’t waste your time trying to fix him or hoping he improves. Your energy is better spent on people who are already capable of making you feel valued.

If you want, I can give a quick checklist of first date red flags vs. green flags so you can screen potential dates more efficiently and avoid wasting time on “socially challenged” partners like this. Do you want me to do that?

[PassionSeeker]

It sounds like you put real effort into this date you dressed up, came with a good attitude, and were open to connecting. Unfortunately, your “friend” revealed a lot about himself in a short time, and none of it was attractive. His lack of manners, unwillingness to compromise, and need to control every detail (even something as small as the TV remote) say far more about him than about you.

Like April often reminds daters, early behavior is truth not an accident. When someone shows you selfishness or disrespect on the first date, that’s who they really are, not who they’ll become later. You didn’t lose out on a potential relationship; you saved yourself time and energy by seeing his true colors right away.

Take this as a clear sign of what you don’t want. You deserve someone who values effort, makes you feel appreciated, and treats you like an equal partner not someone who makes you feel like a spectator in his own game.

[Marcus king]

That sounds really frustrating! He definitely didn’t seem to put much thought into making the date enjoyable for you, and it’s clear he wasn’t even trying to make an effort to impress you. It’s one thing to be laid-back, but it’s another to be dismissive and selfish, especially on a date where it should be about both of you having a good time.

It’s okay to walk away from situations like this. If he’s not showing the same level of interest or respect you’re putting in, it’s a sign he’s not valuing the connection you’re trying to build. You deserve someone who appreciates you and puts in effort to make things work. I’d suggest not wasting your time waiting for him to come around, just move on.

[Val Unfiltered💋]

ughh babe, i feel bad for u😭 that man wasn’t on a date, he was on a field trip to his own ego. like?? not even a compliment after you showed up looking cute?? 🚩🚩🚩
honestly, take this as the universe showing you what not to settle for. next time, pick someone who matches your effort ✨

[Flirt Coach]

I’ve been in your shoes that limbo where the calls feel real, the conversations click, and yet somehow the meeting never happens. It’s confusing because she says all the right things, and you want to believe her. But when weeks go by and every plan turns into another “sorry, I’ve been busy,” that’s not bad timing anymore that’s a pattern.

When someone truly wants to see you, they make time. Even if it’s ten minutes over coffee in the parking lot, they find a way. What you’re describing sounds like a person who enjoys the connection, the attention, the comfort of your voice but maybe isn’t ready for the real step of meeting face-to-face. Could be nerves, could be life chaos, or could be that she just likes the idea of you more than the reality of starting something.

You’ve done right by giving her space, staying kind, and showing effort without crowding her. But there’s a point where effort turns into waiting around for someone who’s not meeting you halfway. And brother, you don’t deserve to sit there wondering if you’re too much when all you’re asking for is a simple “yes, let’s meet.”

Here’s my take reach out one more time, just clear and simple. Something like, “Hey, I’ve really enjoyed getting to know you, but I’d love to actually meet if you’re still up for it. If not, that’s okay too I just want to be honest with where I’m at.”

Then let her response (or silence) tell you what you need to know.

You sound like a good man patient, thoughtful, and trying to do things right. Don’t let that get worn down waiting for someone who keeps you guessing. The right woman won’t make you chase her through excuses; she’ll meet you halfway, maybe even bring the coffee herself.

[Marcus king]

It sounds like the date was really disappointing, and understandably so. His behavior dismissing your suggestions, acting self-centered, not acknowledging your effort in getting ready is a red flag. A first date should feel mutual and respectful, even if it’s casual.

It seems like he wasn’t considerate of your feelings or your time, and that’s not something to ignore. You deserve someone who values you, listens to your ideas, and treats you with basic courtesy.

It’s okay to decide that this person isn’t a good match for you and move on. A single bad date doesn’t define your worth it just tells you he wasn’t the right one.

[Author]

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