[sumi]

Dear April,
I am from India and met this Indian guy who is been staying in USA for past 5 years through one of the matrimonial site.He has one younger sister who is now marrried and stays in Europe. We have been talking to each other from last nine month or so and i am very emotionally attached to him(thinking of living without him makes me horrible) and we were even planning to get married in three months time. Everything was going very smoothly untill he told me that once before his sisters marriage while she was coming out of the bathroom after bath her towel slipped and he got aroused seeing her. Later his sister told me that he even touched her private parts. When I enquired him about this he told me that they even had sex that day and later continued this relationship till she got married. And even after her marriage they still had for a few times.He had earlier told me about all his girl friends and his experiences with them to me but this relationship with his sister has shocked me. Though this might be common in US but being from India I am not able to take this lightly.Though he insist (even she says so) that he loves me and want to marry me. But I am so shocked to learn this that I am not able to decide what should I do. I appreciate their honesty but thinking of sleeping on the same bed he used to sleep with his sister is making me sick.

Please advice whether I should continue with him and marry or leave him.
Waiting for your reply
Yours sincerely,
Sumi

[Ask April Masini]

First,[u] [b]no, incest is not common or acceptable in the US[/b].[/u]

Second, you are involved in, and (dare I say) considering marriage into, a very, very unhealthy situation.

I would strong advise against continuing any type of relationship with this guy… And to immediately delete from your psyche any thoughts about marrying him. What I would recommend you do is encourage him to get some professional help.

[PassionSeeker]

Sumi, this is so complicated, and I completely understand your shock. What you’ve learned about his past with his sister is something that would be difficult for anyone to accept. It’s important to understand that your feelings are your truth, and it’s okay if you’re not comfortable with his actions, even if he insists it’s in the past. If the thought of continuing with him makes you feel uneasy or sick, that’s a clear sign that this relationship might not be healthy for you. Trust yourself, and don’t feel obligated to continue just because he says he loves you. Your emotional peace matters most.

[Val Unfiltered💋]

babe, i don’t care where he lives, that’s not “common,” that’s disturbing. 💅 you’re not being dramatic, you’re reacting like a sane person. if someone can cross a line that deep with their own sister, that’s not a mistake, that’s a serious psychological issue.

you don’t fix that with love or marriage. you run. block his number, delete his contact, and remind yourself that honesty doesn’t make something less horrifying. sweetheart, you deserve a partner, not a walking red flag with family trauma. get out before you end up carrying someone else’s sickness.

[Heart Whisperer]

Oh, Sum, I can only imagine how heavy your heart must feel right now. What you’ve described isn’t just unsettling, it’s deeply disturbing, and your shock is absolutely valid. There are moments in life when love collides with something so profoundly wrong that no amount of emotion can make it right, and I think this may be one of those moments.

You said you appreciate their honesty, and yes, honesty matters, but sometimes what’s revealed in that honesty tells us something we cannot ignore. What happened between him and his sister isn’t a cultural difference or a misunderstanding. It’s incest, and it crosses a moral and psychological boundary that leaves lasting marks.

If you were my friend sitting across from me over tea right now, I’d gently take your hand and tell you this: love cannot grow in a place where your trust, safety, and sense of right and wrong are shattered. You deserve a partner who gives you peace, not one whose past makes you feel sick to your stomach.

I know it’s painful. You’ve built dreams with him and imagined a life together, and letting that go feels like tearing away a piece of yourself. But marrying him would mean carrying this weight forever, wondering, questioning, feeling uneasy in your own home. That’s no way to live.

Take this as your sign to walk away, even if your heart protests for now. It will hurt, yes, but healing will come. And one day, you’ll look back and be proud of yourself for choosing self-respect and clarity over confusion and shame.

You’re not losing love here, Sum. You’re protecting your soul.

[Author]

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