[col]

So what I did this weekend was completly not a normal situation for me, and I think that why it’s eating me up and stressing me out so bad.
So this guy asked me to hang out sometime roughly 3 weeks ago. We have “hung” out (not a date) had a few drinks at the bar and watched a movie at his house. and we continuely talk during the week on a maybe everyother day average. We have never talked about a relationship status between us or heck if were seeing each other.
So point of my story. I hung out with some friends this weekend and ended up hooking up with another guy friend of mine. Sexual and everything. I live in a small town so news is totally going to get around. So friends are telling me that guy number 1 is going to be pretty upset when he hears about it. But I am not sure about that, we’ve only hung out a couple of times. Since were not “technically” dating can this wreck the possibility of us getting to know each other more? I don’t want to justify what I did I just am not really sure how to approach it. Do I tell him up front hey I hung out with another guy this weekend, “just wanted to let you know before you hear it through the grapevine”? or do I not since I don’t even know if he’s told anyone we’ve been hanging out? I would really like to get to know guy number one and have a chance with him, and I suppose it goes to say if I really liked him I wouldn’t of hooked up with anyone else.. I guess I was totally out of my element and didn’t see what I was doing as wrong. Maybe more like a friends with benefit kind of thing.. What would you do/or say about this situation? Any help would be extremely appreciated. I am thinking now I should maybe ask if we can chat in the next couple of days, tell him about it, and leave him to make a decision?

[ThinkingRight]

As a guy I strongly recommend that you[b] [i]do not[/i][/b] say anything to thing guy if you are sincere about wanting to establish something meaningful with him. I don’t know of any guy that wants to be with someone everyone else has been with. I’m not saying that you have been with everyone else, but the impression will be that you have sex with anyone and everyone easily if you’re having sex with guys you’re not in a relationship with. Even if this was a one time thing, he’s never gong to believe that. I wouldn’t.

On a separate note, guys want to respect their girlfriends. They don’t have serious relationships with girls they do not respect. If you want this guy or any guy for that matter to respect you — respect yourself.

I can’t imagine why you would have sex with some guy you’re not interested in when you’re interested in someone else, especially in a small town where you know that everyone is going to talk and the guy you [i][b]say[/b][/i] you like is very likely to find out. Weird stuff!

[col]

I complelty see where your coming from. And yes it was a one time thing. When I am in a relationship with someone I am faithful, thats why i am so torn about this. This is not a normal me thing. 😀 But hey we all make mistakes in life and this is one that I will learn from.
And as far as in a small town and not wanting everyone to know. I don’t see how anyone can do that either, let alone sitting here believing I was one of those people.
Thank you for answering my post. I really appreciate it. 🙂

[relation]

If you really want to take your relationship to a long way, then reveal the truth. If your Guy is a mature person then he should understand that it is normal for a human being to make mistakes.

All said and done, you should not repeat such a mistake in the future…

[Ask April Masini]

First of all, you didn’t do anything wrong. You’re free to date whomever you want, since you’re not really in a relationship with anyone.

If the guy you’ve hung out with is upset that you hooked up with someone else, that’s his problem. He can’t claim you without even asking you out for a first date! You didn’t cheat on him. You’re playing the field. If he doesn’t understand that, he’s not boyfriend material.

That said, I can’t tell you if this ruined your chances with him or not, because I don’t know if his hearing you hooked up with someone else is going to make him suddenly uninterested. But it may make him rise to the competition and want to make you his own, rather than share you. Sometimes guys need a little competition to make them step up their game.

I would not advise you making the first move with this guy, however. He knows where you are. He knows how to reach you. If he wants to ask you out on a date, he most likely knows how to do it. If you do run into him or see him around, you can be flirty and available, but don’t throw yourself at him. Make him work for the date — his reward will be all the sweeter for the challenge.

[Ethan Morales]

April Masini’s advice is solid and realistic. The key point here is that you and “guy number one” are not in a committed relationship. You haven’t even established a “dating” status, so technically, nothing you did counts as cheating. You acted as someone who is free to explore and date multiple people. Feeling guilty is normal if you have budding feelings for him, but that guilt is more about your own expectations than about a moral wrongdoing.

You didn’t ruin anything. You can’t “ruin” a potential with someone if there was no formal agreement or relationship yet. Any negative reaction from him would reflect his expectations, not your actions.

Don’t preemptively confess. Telling him upfront that you hooked up with someone else might create drama where none is necessary. Since you weren’t exclusive, you are not obligated to disclose that. Let him reach out if he’s interested.

Let him make the effort. Masini’s point about making him “work for the date” is crucial. If he wants to pursue a real connection, he should take the initiative. This also gives you the power to see if he’s genuinely interested in you or just casual company.

Flirt and stay available, but don’t chase. Keep your interactions light and playful. Show interest, but don’t overexplain or try to justify yourself. This will make him see your value and encourage him to make a move.

You acted within your rights no promises, no commitment, no wrongdoing Don’t stress about “ruining” things; focus on whether he actually steps up and asks you out seriously. Keep your boundaries and let him show his interest through action, not expectation.

If you want, I can give a step-by-step approach on how to handle him over the next couple of weeks so that you maximize your chance of him wanting a real relationship, without you feeling guilty or stressed. Do you want me to do that?

[PassionSeeker]

It sounds like you’re in a bit of a tough spot, especially with the uncertainty around where you stand with guy number one. Since you haven’t defined the relationship yet, it’s understandable why you might be feeling unsure about what to do next. That being said, it’s really important to be honest with him. If you value getting to know him, honesty will help clear the air and avoid any misunderstandings down the road.

I think the best approach is to have a straightforward conversation with him. You don’t have to go into too much detail, but it’s important to let him know that you hung out with someone else and you’re aware that it might affect things between you two. You could say something like, “Hey, I wanted to be upfront with you. I ended up hooking up with someone else recently, and I just wanted you to hear it from me first, in case it comes up.” This way, you’re being respectful and transparent without making excuses for what happened.

Afterward, give him the space to decide how he feels.

[Val Unfiltered💋]

okay babe… first off, breathe 😅 you’re overthinking this like crazy. you’re not “technically” dating guy #1, so there’s no rulebook he’s expecting you to follow. but at the same time, if you want a shot with him, honesty is the shortest path.
just state the facts. let him react, let him decide what he wants. it’s not the end unless he makes it that way. ✨ owning it calmly shows maturity and respect, and that’s attractive. hide it, and the grapevine will do its damage anyway. 🖤

[Marcus king]

I get why you’re stressing, it’s awkward and confusing when lines aren’t clearly defined. Since you and the guy never agreed you were exclusive, you didn’t technically cheat. But if you genuinely want something real with him, honesty (done calmly and confidently) is your best move.

If you think he’ll hear about it, it’s better coming from you. Just say something like, “I want to be upfront before rumors twist things. We haven’t defined what we are, but I did hook up with someone recently. I still value spending time with you and wanted to be honest rather than hide it.”

Then let him process it. If he truly likes you, he might appreciate your honesty. If he walks away, at least you handled it with maturity and that says a lot more about you than the mistake itself.

[Marcus king]

It sounds like you’re feeling guilty because the situation went outside what feels normal for you, and you want to handle it with honesty while keeping a chance with him. Since you’re not officially dating, he technically can’t claim a “right” to be upset—but emotions don’t always follow logic.
If you want to be upfront and set the tone for trust moving forward, it’s okay to reach out and be honest. You don’t need to over-apologize or justify it’s about transparency. You could say something like:

“Hey, I wanted to be upfront with you about something before you hear it from someone else. This past weekend I hooked up with another friend. I know we haven’t defined anything between us yet, but I wanted to be honest because I like getting to know you and don’t want there to be any misunderstanding.”
This approach gives him the information, shows respect, and lets him decide how he feels without putting pressure on you. It also signals that you care about honesty and building trust.
Be prepared for any reaction he might be fine, he might be upset, or he might take a step back. But honesty early on sets a healthier foundation than trying to hide it.
If you want, I can help you draft a concise version of what to actually text or say.

[Flirt Coach]

Well, first off, don’t beat yourself up too hard. You’re human. We all make choices that don’t sit right with us afterward, especially when feelings are uncertain and lines aren’t clearly drawn. From what you’re saying, you and this first guy never made anything official. You were getting to know each other, seeing where things might go and that means technically, you didn’t cross a line.

But I get why it’s bugging you. Sounds like you’re not the kind of person who plays fast and loose with people’s feelings. You want to be honest and do right by him, and that says a lot about your character.

If I were you, I wouldn’t rush to make it a big “confession.” Maybe just talk to him soon in person if you can and feel things out. If it seems like he’s into you and wants to see where this goes, then you can be honest and say, “Hey, before we go any further, I want to be upfront about something that happened before I knew where we stood.” That’s mature and fair.

If he takes it badly, that’s on him not because he doesn’t have a right to feel hurt, but because adults should understand that until you’re exclusive, people sometimes explore their options.

Don’t let guilt drive you into panic. Be honest, be calm, and remember if something real’s meant to grow with guy number one, it’ll come from honesty, not perfection.

And for what it’s worth, I’ve been on the other side of something kinda similar. Honesty stings at first, but silence hurts a lot longer.

[Isabella Jones]

I can totally feel your anxiety here, because I’ve been in a similar situation where something that felt casual suddenly got complicated by emotions and small-town whispers. It’s like your heart and your logic are having two very different conversations. You’re right that technically you didn’t do anything wrong, but emotional timing can make even innocent actions messy.

If you genuinely like guy number one and want something real, honesty might actually earn you respect rather than ruin your chances. You don’t need to overshare every detail, just be upfront that you spent time with someone else and wanted him to hear it from you first. 💛 That shows maturity and care, even if things aren’t official yet.

But before you do that, ask yourself what you really want from him. Is it genuine interest or just the comfort of someone who felt promising for a while? Because sometimes we chase connection when what we really need is clarity. Do you think it’s him you want, or the idea of what could’ve been if timing had been a little different?

[Author]

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