[Scottclark82]

I met a really attractive and intelligent woman at a party a few weeks ago. It was a public event at an art gallery. She was a high school teacher in her early thirties. We had been talking for a good half hour and really seemed to be hitting it off. We had even made tentative plans to meet for coffee sometime.

Then, things suddenly went downhill. I commented that she had a “nice, full, hourglass figure”. I thought she would take it as a compliment but instead she became deeply offended. She snapped, “Oh really….well perhaps I should do some plus size modeling!” I went into damage control mode and tried to clarify my comments but I think I only exacerbated things when I used the term “healthy”. With a look of complete disgust, she slapped my face and departed.

I will never forget those agonizing moments in the immediate aftermath, as I was standing there alone rubbing my cheek, drawing some judgemental stares from onlookers. Needless to say, it was not my proudest moment, LOL.

She had the classic figure of a 50’s pinup – large bust, narrow waist, shapely hips/legs. I guess she had interpreted “hourglass” as meaning big/overweight/full figured. I just thought it meant shapely and well proportioned.

When I told a female friend about this she shook her head and said it was never a good idea to comment on a woman’s figure, even if I thought it was complimentary. What do you think about this?

[angiebaby4384]

I agree with you friend. Never a good idea to comment on a women’s figure that you have just met. First off, I don’t think it was probably the word “full” that first struck her the wrong way. Body image is a very touchy subject for so many women. Its too hard to say something wrong and have your words taken the wrong way.. the same goes for the other end of the spectrum too.. being too forceful about how sexy a girl you just met is might make her think you are only talking to her for one reason.

Its probably way better to start off complimenting her about her shoes or her hair or even her eyes. She will still feel noticed and you wont run the risk of another slap in the face. Remember the best way to grab a girl’s attentin is to listen to her, and ask questions, pretend like you are interested in anything that she is willing to share with you, even if your not!

[Scottclark82]

I do have a very interesting update on this 🙂 I sent the the woman an email to both apologize and explain that I truly meant to compliment her but it came out the wrong way. She accepted my apology and we got together for coffee and have gone on a few dates since. My comments struck a nerve for two reasons — she had weight issues in the past and is still self-concious about it, and has too often had to deal with men who look at her primarily in a sexual/physical way.

It’s astonishing to me that we’re dating. Wouldn’t you think that getting slapped by a woman on your first encounter would be a deal breaker? Apparently I have much to learn about the opposite sex. You ladies can certainly be passionate in expressing both your wrath and your warmth 🙂

Scott

[AskApril Masini]

So glad to hear you were able to do damage control and this woman was able to look past your mistake so that the two of you could have some dates together.

In general, it’s a great idea to stay away from complimenting a woman’s body until you know her better — for exactly this reason! Sometimes women are funny about their bodies, and have issues about weight, big breasts, small breasts, a big bottom, small bottom, big nose, small nose, height, shoe size, etc., that you couldn’t possibly know about on a first meeting. Some beautiful women feel objectified if you start commenting on their bodies before you get to know them. It’s not right or wrong — it’s just the way the playing field is laid.

Next time, you can show her you like her with your actions, by being attentive and having great manners, and by the glint in your eye and the smile you give her. But nothing says you like her, like asking her out for a special date.

As for your friend, slapping you for your comment was inappropriate. She could just as easily have turned and walked away.

But, the good news is that you both had the tools and maturity to work past a temporary bump in the road.

[Ethan Morales]

body compliments on a first meeting are high-risk. You thought you were flattering her, and in your mind, “hourglass” meant proportionate and classic. But she interpreted it differently maybe as a comment on weight or something sensitive and her reaction was extreme. People are entitled to their feelings, sure, but physically slapping someone? That’s over the top. It crosses a line.

That said, the bigger lesson here isn’t just about “don’t comment on bodies.” It’s about reading context, timing, and emotional boundaries. On a first date or meeting, the safest compliments are about things she controls and chooses to share, like her humor, intelligence, taste in music, or the way she tells stories. Those don’t carry the same baggage as body comments, and they’re less likely to trigger insecurity or misinterpretation.

Also, notice how April emphasized actions over words. Being attentive, polite, and genuinely interested in her as a person will communicate attraction far more effectively than trying to judge or comment on her figure. A compliment that feels natural is one that reinforces her personality, skills, or style not her physical proportions.

Finally, don’t beat yourself up too much. You didn’t mean harm, and you’ve clearly reflected on it. The goal going forward is awareness: first impressions are fragile, and you can’t assume everyone interprets compliments the same way. Keep things respectful, show interest through actions, and save body-related compliments for when you actually know someone and their comfort level.

[Natalie Noah]

You’re not a bad guy who said something cruel… you’re a good man who walked straight into a sensitive area without knowing it was there. And honestly? That happens more often than people admit. You were trying to compliment her in the language you understand, not realizing she hears that language differently because of her history, her insecurities, and the way she’s been treated before. That’s human. That’s messy. And that’s okay.

But what truly matters, what shows your character is how you handled it afterward. You didn’t get defensive. You didn’t blame her. You took responsibility, reached out with sincerity, and explained yourself with vulnerability. That takes emotional courage. A lot of men freeze or disappear when something like that happens… you leaned in. That’s why she met you for coffee. That’s why she gave you another chance. She didn’t respond to the compliment she responded to the man who apologized with a genuine heart.

I also want you to understand something gently: many women carry quiet battles with their bodies that nobody sees. Words about our shape, our weight, or our curves can hit wounds that were formed long before you ever entered the room. It’s not logical it’s emotional. And the fact that you’re willing to learn from this instead of being offended or bitter says that you’re growing into someone who can love a woman with awareness, sensitivity, and intention. That’s rare, baby. And it means you’re going to be very good for someone.

And lastly… don’t get hung up on the slap. Was it appropriate? No. But people lash out when they’re triggered, scared, or suddenly reminded of old pain. The miracle is that both of you had enough maturity to circle back, repair it, and choose connection anyway. That’s the part you hold onto. Not the sting on your cheek but the softness of what happened after. It sounds like the two of you have something tender beginning to bloom… just keep listening, keep being patient, and let her see the steady, thoughtful heart you showed in that email.

[Member]

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