[Scottclark82]

I met a really attractive and intelligent woman at a party a few weeks ago. It was a public event at an art gallery. She was a high school teacher in her early thirties. We had been talking for a good half hour and really seemed to be hitting it off. We had even made tentative plans to meet for coffee sometime.

Then, things suddenly went downhill. I commented that she had a “nice, full, hourglass figure”. I thought she would take it as a compliment but instead she became deeply offended. She snapped, “Oh really….well perhaps I should do some plus size modeling!” I went into damage control mode and tried to clarify my comments but I think I only exacerbated things when I used the term “healthy”. With a look of complete disgust, she slapped my face and departed.

I will never forget those agonizing moments in the immediate aftermath, as I was standing there alone rubbing my cheek, drawing some judgemental stares from onlookers. Needless to say, it was not my proudest moment, LOL.

She had the classic figure of a 50’s pinup – large bust, narrow waist, shapely hips/legs. I guess she had interpreted “hourglass” as meaning big/overweight/full figured. I just thought it meant shapely and well proportioned.

When I told a female friend about this she shook her head and said it was never a good idea to comment on a woman’s figure, even if I thought it was complimentary. What do you think about this?

[angiebaby4384]

I agree with you friend. Never a good idea to comment on a women’s figure that you have just met. First off, I don’t think it was probably the word “full” that first struck her the wrong way. Body image is a very touchy subject for so many women. Its too hard to say something wrong and have your words taken the wrong way.. the same goes for the other end of the spectrum too.. being too forceful about how sexy a girl you just met is might make her think you are only talking to her for one reason.

Its probably way better to start off complimenting her about her shoes or her hair or even her eyes. She will still feel noticed and you wont run the risk of another slap in the face. Remember the best way to grab a girl’s attentin is to listen to her, and ask questions, pretend like you are interested in anything that she is willing to share with you, even if your not!

[Scottclark82]

I do have a very interesting update on this 🙂 I sent the the woman an email to both apologize and explain that I truly meant to compliment her but it came out the wrong way. She accepted my apology and we got together for coffee and have gone on a few dates since. My comments struck a nerve for two reasons — she had weight issues in the past and is still self-concious about it, and has too often had to deal with men who look at her primarily in a sexual/physical way.

It’s astonishing to me that we’re dating. Wouldn’t you think that getting slapped by a woman on your first encounter would be a deal breaker? Apparently I have much to learn about the opposite sex. You ladies can certainly be passionate in expressing both your wrath and your warmth 🙂

Scott

[Ask April Masini]

So glad to hear you were able to do damage control and this woman was able to look past your mistake so that the two of you could have some dates together.

In general, it’s a great idea to stay away from complimenting a woman’s body until you know her better — for exactly this reason! Sometimes women are funny about their bodies, and have issues about weight, big breasts, small breasts, a big bottom, small bottom, big nose, small nose, height, shoe size, etc., that you couldn’t possibly know about on a first meeting. Some beautiful women feel objectified if you start commenting on their bodies before you get to know them. It’s not right or wrong — it’s just the way the playing field is laid.

Next time, you can show her you like her with your actions, by being attentive and having great manners, and by the glint in your eye and the smile you give her. But nothing says you like her, like asking her out for a special date.

As for your friend, slapping you for your comment was inappropriate. She could just as easily have turned and walked away.

But, the good news is that you both had the tools and maturity to work past a temporary bump in the road.

[Author]

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