[iamstikman]

need some female insight here please. I am in the middle of getting a divorce. I know some guys say it’s over just to hook up with other girls. but, I actually didn’t want the divorce. my wife left me for someone else. I tried to keep the marriage together and was unable to. my ex has not changed her mind and I’m pretty sure she never will. my ex and I parted ways over 6 months ago. (realistically the marriage was over more than a year ago) she filed for divorce and then retracted the papers. I filed them again recently. in Texas, there is a 60 day waiting period.

here is my issue. I recently met a girl I am interested in. a mutual friend told her I was divorced. I told her I was in the process. this girl has strong values about relationships and is having difficulty with the divorce not being final. we have been having a great time together and I can tell she is really having trouble going against her values but she is also considering it because things are going great with us. I don’t want her to abandon her values but at the same time I would hate for this great thing to be wasted just because of the courts waiting period.

what can I do or how can I keep this from falling apart because of a technicality?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Respect her values. Sixty days isn’t that long a period of time, and frankly, the two of you seem to have some compatibility in that you didn’t want to divorce, and she doesn’t want to date a married man. That’s a similarity in character that is sometimes hard to find! I think she’s worth the wait in your case. Make a date for mid-May, when you’re officially divorced, and make it a big deal, romantic blow out that you can both look forward to. 😉

Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[iamstikman]

thanks for the quick reply!

part of my post was accidentally left out ( iwas typing on my phone and maybe deleted it).

i am fully content on respecting her values. but what i’m having trouble with is she views my divorce as just a separation and that is not the case. i know guys say its over all the time and girls get burned. i know that is what is bothering her. if you asked me 6 months ago, it would have been a different story, but i know now that my marriage is over, i tried everything i could to save it and because of that i am now comfortable with and accept that it is over. i have moved on and there is nothing that will make me even consider reconnecting with my ex. she hurt me too bad and i have healed and closed that chapter of my life.

it’s not that i want her to go against her values, i want her to see that i am not just separated and there is no chance of me reconnecting with my ex. as i type this i’m thinking as far as reconnecting with exes go, it really doesn’t matter if you are separated or divorced – reconnections occur in either case.

i guess my real question is how do i reassure her that there is no chance of reconnecting with the ex?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Everybody brings baggage to the table, and she’s mistrustful of your divorce because of HER past experiences — not yours. You can show her the divorce papers with the court’s stamp. You can do something to mark the end of your marriage, like plant a tree in your yard and water it and watch it grow as you start this new phase of your life. Or throw yourself a party. Or get rid of whatever you own that reminds you of your marriage in a bad way. In other words, the more you live like someone who is ready for the next phase of their life — legally, as well as socially and emotionally — she’ll eventually get it.

If you have children with your wife, you’ll ALWAYS have a relationship with her as parents, but if this woman you want to date can’t handle dating a divorced man, then she should really let you know — or you should figure it out — to save yourself wasted time on someone who isn’t compatible.

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

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