You’ve identified the problem: He loves you, but he has a responsibility to her because they’re having a baby together.
Since he doesn’t want her to have an abortion, and she will if he’s not with her during the pregnancy, he’s going to stay with her throughout the pregnancy. After she gives birth, that problem disappears, so then he has to decide if he wants to live with her and give their new family a try or if he wants to have a custody and child support situation with her, and live with you. If he does, you’re going to become the girlfriend of a single parent.
You have some tough decisions to make. I don’t know how old you both are, which would help me advise you. And I don’t know if you want to get married and have children, and if so, would you consider becoming a step-mother to his child? If you do, this means that the ex he cheated on you with is always going to be in your life. Forever — or as long as he is. You’re going to be at his daughter’s birthday parties together, Thanksgivings and Christmas will be shared holidays, etc. It’s going to take on a very grown up tone and the child is going to have to come first.
Unless you feel like he’s really “the one”, my advice is to move on, as hard as that will be to do. You’ve got to consider what stress he was under that made him cheat on you and to not use birth control. If the stress and the cheating is understandable (and sometimes it is), that’s one thing. If he’s someone who cracks easily under stress, you’ve got to understand he may do this again. I know it doesn’t feel like it, buy you may have just been offered a window into who he really is, that you’ve ignored during the year you’ve been together, or hoped would go away.
I hope this helps. Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 🙂
