[MichaelUK]

This is my first time ever posting on an online forum so hopefully I can take some good advice from this.

Recently, for the last 7 weeks I have been spending time and sleeping with a girl my cousin introduced me to. We met in a bar and hit it off great. We then began sleeping together and at first it seemed like the sort of ‘friends with benefits’ situation but as time passed the more time I spent with her we began to open up more and actually become intimate with each other other than in a physical way.

I’ve been known in the past to be somewhat of a ‘free spirit’ as in I like to go out enjoy myself and socialise with different women. Although after spending time with her a thought in my head does suggest i want things to progress further.

My dilemma now..
She’s quite difficult to get in contact with, not having a phone at the moment so obviously this creates problems. Also on a night i picked her up after us seeing each other maybe twice a week for 3 weeks my cousin revealed she had kissed someone that night when she was drunk. I confronted her..even when i felt i had no say as we were both single and she did honestly feel guilty about it and sorry. I moved on from it and thought well she was drunk and she isn’t pinned down..it happens.

But tonight after speaking to my cousin I asked where the girl in question i’m seeing was and she said she saw her earlier she was drinking and now doesn’t have a clue as they went in different ways through the night.

This now makes me wonder..if i do persist and actually try to create something between us will it be me worrying on nights were i amn’t with her and she’s drinking with her friends? And the thought that she might be with someone else..

I do have stronger feelings for her than i thought i would have but i don’t see it as a bad thing because we’re both attracted to each other and have lots in common. I do have to add we are young, only 20 and people are commonly like this at this age.

What do you think i should do?

Best,
Michael

[AskApril Masini]

The problem with meeting someone at a bar and sleeping with them very quickly (that night!) is that there’s a good chance that they do that with other people, too. So you’re right to think that she is someone who goes to bars, meets guys, and sleeps with them without getting to know them first. That’s who she is.

Not having a phone is a problem because it’s unclear how you’re going to contact her if you want to ask her out on a date or just to talk. Frankly, it’s a compatibility issue. I know that sounds funny because most people think of compatibility as similar ages or life experiences, but the truth is if she’s not available — for whatever reason (you can’t call her) — that’s a potential deal breaker!

My advice is to move on, and next time, get to know someone before sleeping with them. Sex changes things and bonds people before they may otherwise have intellectually decided that this is Ms. Right.

I hope that helps. Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

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