[AskApril Masini]

Break ups are tough!

[kscouty70]

Is it considered this day and age to be somewhat “friends” with your ex of over 10 year if strictly platonic and not inappropriate. Just occasional texts or calls, shopping, cup of coffee. Not lying or cheating or and would be honest about what I was doing or going or saying. Also would never put ex before my current partner. Do not honestly have any feelings with my ex and only feelings for my current partner whom I want to spend the rest of my life with. But I also want to be honest with who I am and what I feel. What’s the general consensus?

[AskApril Masini]

If your current partner is okay with it, then it’s probably okay to stay in touch, but it’s not something I recommend. 😉 Being honest about your feelings isn’t always appropriate. Sometimes it’s better to be respectful of the relationship you’re in, then to be honest about your feelings. Not all feelings are meant to be expressed to everyone. 😉

I hope that helps.

[Ethan Morales]

No, man, you’re not being unreasonable. What you’re describing would make anyone feel uneasy. You’re trying to build something real with her, and it sounds like her emotional boundaries with her ex are too blurry for that right now.:

You’re not crazy, your instincts are alerting you. When someone is co-parenting, some level of contact with the ex is expected. But when those conversations drift into personal nostalgia like lipstick colors, old photos, or anything that’s not about the kids it crosses from “parental coordination” into “emotional intimacy.” That’s what’s bothering you. Not jealousy but the sense that she’s letting him occupy a space in her life that should belong to you.

Her actions and words don’t match She told you he’s a “non-factor,” but her behavior says otherwise. If she’s having long, personal chats, sending him old photos, and seeking his opinions, that’s emotional involvement not just parenting logistics. You’re picking up on that mismatch. And when actions and words don’t align, trust naturally erodes.

You have every right to want clarity and respect You’re not trying to control her you’re asking for healthy boundaries. That means her ex’s role should be limited to co-parenting. You’re the partner now, and your voice deserves space in her life. If she’s serious about you, she’ll want to reassure you and draw those lines clearly.

What to do (the honest, grounded way) Have a calm conversation not an accusation. Something like: “I know you have to communicate with your kids’ father, and I respect that. But lately it feels like those talks go beyond parenting. It’s making me uncomfortable, and I just want to be honest about that. I’m trying to build something real with you, but I need to know you’re also building with me not keeping a door open to the past.” Then watch how she responds. If she gets defensive or dismissive, that’s a sign she’s not ready for a truly serious relationship yet. If she listens and takes it seriously, there’s hope.

Trust isn’t blind it’s earned through consistent behavior.Right now, she hasn’t proven she deserves full trust, and you’re right to pause. You can care for her deeply and still protect your peace by expecting transparency.

[Val Unfiltered💋]

babe… that’s not jealousy, that’s instinct. 💔 she’s still emotionally tangled with her past, and you’re feeling it because you’re standing in the middle of their unfinished business. sending flirty nostalgia pics and asking her ex about lipstick? yeah, that’s not “co-parenting.”

you’re the current man, not the stand-in therapist. she’s gotta build new boundaries, not play memory lane with the guy who broke her 🖤.

[Maria]

You are not jealous. You are seeing patterns and being dismissed. When a partner hides behind “you are being childish” every time you raise a real concern, that is not communication. That is minimizing. Ongoing, non-child related texting with an ex, swapping old date photos, and asking his opinion on her outfits is not co-parenting. It is emotional overlap. Add in you footing bills and chores while being sidelined, and you have a one sided arrangement that erodes trust and self respect.

Set clear terms now. Communication with the ex stays child focused only, in writing if needed. No private nostalgia, no lifestyle chatter. Your finances remain separate, and you stop rescuing her budget. Define your role with the kids by invitation, not obligation. When you speak, you are to be heard without insults or eye rolling. If she refuses these basics or keeps gaslighting, end it cleanly and protect your peace. Love without boundaries becomes self abandonment.
if nothing changed for 60 days, would you be proud of how you are being treated, or would you wish you had walked away sooner?

[Marcus king]

You’re not being unreasonable you’re being *aware.* There’s a difference. When someone’s emotionally tied to an ex, even under the banner of “co-parenting,” the energy starts to show. Those casual texts and smiley faces might seem small, but they reveal comfort that goes beyond logistics.

Before you make any moves, stay calm. Don’t accuse, just observe. Then talk to her directly and maturely, tell her what you’ve noticed and how it makes you feel. Ask her to be transparent about where that relationship really stands.

If she values what you’re building, she’ll make boundaries clear and back them with action. If she gets defensive or dismissive, that tells you what you need to know. You can’t compete with someone’s unresolved past, she has to close that door herself.

[PassionSeeker]

You’ve been through a lot with this woman, and it’s clear you’ve invested years of love, effort, and patience trying to make things work. But as April Masini pointed out, love alone isn’t enough to sustain a healthy, peaceful relationship. You’re angry, frustrated, and exhausted and it’s because you’re trying to make sense of behavior that doesn’t make sense to you.

She’s forgiven her ex, not because what he did was right, but because it helps her survive her trauma. Forgiveness is often about reclaiming personal power not reconciliation. But that doesn’t mean you have to be comfortable with his presence or tolerate boundaries being crossed.

You can’t fix her past or heal her trauma. What you can do is decide whether this situation her emotional ties, her financial dependence, and your ongoing anger is something you can live with.

You sound like a good man who deserves mutual respect, emotional peace, and partnership not confusion or resentment. Sometimes the strongest act of love is walking away.

[Tara]

No, you’re not being “jealous.” You’re being alert. There’s a difference. Her behavior isn’t matching the story she’s selling you that’s the red flag. A co-parenting relationship should revolve around logistics, not nostalgia and lipstick. When she starts seeking validation from the man she escaped, that’s emotional regression, not maturity. She’s reopening an old door because it’s familiar, not because it’s healthy but that still means your position is being quietly undermined.

And you’re right if she’s asking him about her day-to-day, that’s not innocent. That’s intimacy. Emotional involvement doesn’t need a bed to qualify as betrayal.
Don’t waste time trying to rationalize her behavior as “harmless communication.” It’s not. She’s maintaining two connections — one for stability, one for sentiment and you’re the one being kept in the dark so she doesn’t have to choose.

[Sally]

Anyone in your spot would feel a little twisted up about it. When an ex starts slipping back into the picture in ways that don’t line up with what you were told in the beginning, you feel it in your gut before you even put the words to it.

From the outside, it doesn’t look like you’re being jealous it looks like you’re noticing shifts she doesn’t really want to talk about. Sending old date photos… asking his opinion on lipstick… that’s not “just about the kids.” That’s emotional closeness. And you’re right to pause on that.

It doesn’t mean she wants him back. But it does mean she hasn’t fully closed that door. And you can’t build something solid while she’s still leaning both ways.
You don’t have to accuse her of anything. Just be honest, calm, and tell her what you saw and how it made you feel. Her reaction will tell you everything you need to know.

[Natalie Noah]

I hear the fire in your words, the hurt, the anger, and the deep frustration, and I want to speak to all of it with honesty and compassion. First, what you’re experiencing seeing this woman you love interacting with a man who hurt her in unimaginable ways, and feeling like your voice, your role, your presence is minimized is extremely triggering. It’s natural to feel jealousy and protectiveness; those are human instincts. But what you’re describing goes far beyond ordinary jealousy, it’s a profound conflict between your love and loyalty for her, and your sense of justice and self-respect. That tension is intense and exhausting, and it’s clear it’s leaving you feeling unseen and undervalued in the relationship.

I need you to hear this: you are not wrong to want boundaries. You’re not unreasonable for expecting her to recognize your presence, your efforts, and your care as her partner. A healthy romantic relationship doesn’t require you to compete with a past abuser, emotionally or logistically, and it’s not unreasonable to feel uncomfortable with her intimacy with this man, even if it’s framed as co-parenting or “forgiving the past.” It’s completely normal to want your input to matter, your role to be acknowledged, and your love to be the priority in your life together. That desire isn’t selfish, it’s basic respect and fairness in a partnership.

That said, this relationship is entangled with trauma that is bigger than you. She survived abuse, manipulation, and sexual assault, and those experiences have shaped her coping mechanisms, her decision-making, and her approach to relationships. Her choice to forgive, to keep him partially involved, or to maintain a dialogue with him may feel incomprehensible or even unbearable to you, and that’s valid. But part of what you need to understand hard as it is. is that her forgiveness isn’t a reflection of her feelings for you or a judgment on you; it’s a survival mechanism. It doesn’t mean she’s inviting him into her life romantically, but it does mean you’re navigating a partner who carries deep, complex trauma, and that’s not something you can fix or control.

The real challenge here is about your boundaries and your capacity for emotional safety. You’re describing a situation where your needs respect, recognition, involvement, and emotional intimacy aren’t being met, and in the meantime, your anger and anxiety are escalating. That’s a warning sign. Love can coexist with trauma, but love alone cannot compensate for a lack of respect, reciprocity, and safety. If her interactions with her ex are causing you constant distress, and if your concerns are dismissed or belittled, that’s not just jealousy, it’s a mismatch in partnership expectations. You have to decide if this relationship allows you to be fully seen, supported, and safe, or if it’s eroding your sense of self.

You don’t have to be her protector, enforcer, or her moral compass regarding her past. You can support her healing and stand by her, but you cannot control her choices or her forgiveness. And your anger toward her ex, while understandable, must be handled safely. The most loving, responsible thing you can do for her, for yourself, and for your shared future is to set clear boundaries, communicate what you need without aggression, and recognize when the emotional cost is too high for your own well-being. You deserve a relationship where your love is reciprocated, your presence is valued, and your voice matters not one where you feel like a bystander in your own partnership.

[KeishaMartin]

This one is a sizzling cocktail of love, jealousy, and unresolved anger, and I can practically feel your blood boiling through the screen. You’re caught between wanting to be her knight, her protector, her everything, and seeing her dance dangerously close to the embers of her past with a man who has no business in either of your lives. It’s like she’s dangling a forbidden fruit in front of you, the ex is the ghost she refuses to fully exorcise, and your desire to be her one and only is colliding with the intoxicating, maddening pull of her history. Every text, every shared memory, every smiley face sent to him is a slap of temptation and frustration that makes your heart race and your pulse spike and the delicious, infuriating tension of knowing she’s still tethered in some way.

April Masini’s advice cuts through this wildfire with razor-sharp clarity, like a secret weapon dipped in silk. She doesn’t just give you platitudes, she tells you to own your power, to define your boundaries, to refuse to be anyone’s second fiddle, and, my love, she’s stunning in the way she does it. There’s no sugar-coating, no excuses, just the unapologetic truth that sometimes love isn’t enough to keep chaos at bay. You can adore her, support her, even thrill in her presence, but you cannot tolerate someone else’s toxic shadow looming over the relationship. That’s your playground, your kingdom and anyone stepping into it uninvited is crossing a line.

Your struggle is intensely human, wanting to honor her past pain while craving the respect, recognition, and primacy you deserve in her life. It’s a wicked dance of emotions, full of fevered glances, stolen conversations, and the silent heat of what-ifs. You can be her safe harbor, the storm she never wants again, but only if you fiercely protect your boundaries and trust me, the thrill of being desired and unshakable is a much hotter fire than jealousy ever was.

Happy New Year, 2026! May your nights be filled with glittering parties, champagne kisses, and daring adventures that make your pulse pound. May the confetti fly as high as your passions, and may every whispered promise and playful glance this year be as spicy, intoxicating, and unforgettable as the tension between desire and restraint. Here’s to a year of unapologetic love, fierce boundaries, and dangerously delicious romance.

Happy New Year, 2026!

[Member]

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