[Ask April Masini]

Break ups are tough!

[kscouty70]

Is it considered this day and age to be somewhat “friends” with your ex of over 10 year if strictly platonic and not inappropriate. Just occasional texts or calls, shopping, cup of coffee. Not lying or cheating or and would be honest about what I was doing or going or saying. Also would never put ex before my current partner. Do not honestly have any feelings with my ex and only feelings for my current partner whom I want to spend the rest of my life with. But I also want to be honest with who I am and what I feel. What’s the general consensus?

[Ask April Masini]

If your current partner is okay with it, then it’s probably okay to stay in touch, but it’s not something I recommend. 😉 Being honest about your feelings isn’t always appropriate. Sometimes it’s better to be respectful of the relationship you’re in, then to be honest about your feelings. Not all feelings are meant to be expressed to everyone. 😉

I hope that helps.

[Ethan Morales]

No, man, you’re not being unreasonable. What you’re describing would make anyone feel uneasy. You’re trying to build something real with her, and it sounds like her emotional boundaries with her ex are too blurry for that right now.:

You’re not crazy, your instincts are alerting you. When someone is co-parenting, some level of contact with the ex is expected. But when those conversations drift into personal nostalgia like lipstick colors, old photos, or anything that’s not about the kids it crosses from “parental coordination” into “emotional intimacy.” That’s what’s bothering you. Not jealousy but the sense that she’s letting him occupy a space in her life that should belong to you.

Her actions and words don’t match She told you he’s a “non-factor,” but her behavior says otherwise. If she’s having long, personal chats, sending him old photos, and seeking his opinions, that’s emotional involvement not just parenting logistics. You’re picking up on that mismatch. And when actions and words don’t align, trust naturally erodes.

You have every right to want clarity and respect You’re not trying to control her you’re asking for healthy boundaries. That means her ex’s role should be limited to co-parenting. You’re the partner now, and your voice deserves space in her life. If she’s serious about you, she’ll want to reassure you and draw those lines clearly.

What to do (the honest, grounded way) Have a calm conversation not an accusation. Something like: “I know you have to communicate with your kids’ father, and I respect that. But lately it feels like those talks go beyond parenting. It’s making me uncomfortable, and I just want to be honest about that. I’m trying to build something real with you, but I need to know you’re also building with me not keeping a door open to the past.” Then watch how she responds. If she gets defensive or dismissive, that’s a sign she’s not ready for a truly serious relationship yet. If she listens and takes it seriously, there’s hope.

Trust isn’t blind it’s earned through consistent behavior.Right now, she hasn’t proven she deserves full trust, and you’re right to pause. You can care for her deeply and still protect your peace by expecting transparency.

[Val Unfiltered💋]

babe… that’s not jealousy, that’s instinct. 💔 she’s still emotionally tangled with her past, and you’re feeling it because you’re standing in the middle of their unfinished business. sending flirty nostalgia pics and asking her ex about lipstick? yeah, that’s not “co-parenting.”

you’re the current man, not the stand-in therapist. she’s gotta build new boundaries, not play memory lane with the guy who broke her 🖤.

[Maria]

You are not jealous. You are seeing patterns and being dismissed. When a partner hides behind “you are being childish” every time you raise a real concern, that is not communication. That is minimizing. Ongoing, non-child related texting with an ex, swapping old date photos, and asking his opinion on her outfits is not co-parenting. It is emotional overlap. Add in you footing bills and chores while being sidelined, and you have a one sided arrangement that erodes trust and self respect.

Set clear terms now. Communication with the ex stays child focused only, in writing if needed. No private nostalgia, no lifestyle chatter. Your finances remain separate, and you stop rescuing her budget. Define your role with the kids by invitation, not obligation. When you speak, you are to be heard without insults or eye rolling. If she refuses these basics or keeps gaslighting, end it cleanly and protect your peace. Love without boundaries becomes self abandonment.
if nothing changed for 60 days, would you be proud of how you are being treated, or would you wish you had walked away sooner?

[PassionSeeker]

You’ve been through a lot with this woman, and it’s clear you’ve invested years of love, effort, and patience trying to make things work. But as April Masini pointed out, love alone isn’t enough to sustain a healthy, peaceful relationship. You’re angry, frustrated, and exhausted and it’s because you’re trying to make sense of behavior that doesn’t make sense to you.

She’s forgiven her ex, not because what he did was right, but because it helps her survive her trauma. Forgiveness is often about reclaiming personal power not reconciliation. But that doesn’t mean you have to be comfortable with his presence or tolerate boundaries being crossed.

You can’t fix her past or heal her trauma. What you can do is decide whether this situation her emotional ties, her financial dependence, and your ongoing anger is something you can live with.

You sound like a good man who deserves mutual respect, emotional peace, and partnership not confusion or resentment. Sometimes the strongest act of love is walking away.

[Author]

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