[beachxgirl718]

me and this guy met on a cruise. we had sex twice. on the cruise he called me his girlfriend, and if I lived in maryland he said that I would be his girlfriend. after the cruise he contacted me right away. after awhile he wasn’t contacting me so I wrote him a message basically saying that if he doesn’t write back, he doesn’t want any part of me..and he wrote back. between the cruise and college we saw each other twice, once the surprise visit, and the other time we hung out and talked the entire time..no sex. after that visit, he texted me right after saying “thanks for coming..cant wait to see you again”..i told him I was glad that we got to talk and he said “i would never use you” later on I said I was going to bed and I told him to have fun and he said “all my fun left at 12″…which is when I left. two days later he texts me and were talking about him coming to ny to visit me and we could go to the city..and he said “way rather see you then the city”..the third time we were supposed to hang out , he messed up plans…and I was down near where he lived and was staying at a hotel. he called me and got a cab and told me he was coming to see me..and it doesn’t matter how much it costs he just wanted to see me..but I told him he messed up plans in the first place, and it was too late so there was no point in coming. 5 days later, he called me and apologized for when he messed up plans. he said “lets keep this long distance relationship going”. this past august, I came to college near where he lives, a whole year since the cruise. we had kept in contact for one year..and now were 15 minutes away. we’ve hung out 6 times since I’ve been here. the first time he just stopped by with his friend and his friend said that the guy I like wanted to see his girl..meaning me. we didn’t have sex, we just talked. he texted me after the visit and said it was nice seeing you tonight. I told him I was sorry he didn’t stay longer and he said he would have loved to, but he didn’t want my suitemates to hate him for being there so late when we have classes the next day. and he said “just wanted to see you.” the second time he came to visit he came to lay with me. we layed together and talked the whole time, and then did stuff, but no sex. I asked him why things happen sexually between us and he said because I like you and you like me. and I said as more than a friend?and he was like..yeah I like you as more than a friend. the next time we hung out we just layed and talked with eachother..no sex. the 4th time we layed together and talked again..no sex. the 5th time we hung out..we actually did have sex..and it was real intimate, and he went and slept on the couch after? which he’s NEVER done before. and then the next time we hung out he was acting really strange and I asked if he liked me and he said “of course I do, its obvious I do, I just don’t want a gf” and when we had text convos sometimes at the end of them he would say “love you” and i would say it back but he would never say it in person.

does he have any feelings for me? or is he just using me for sex? and also, why does he say “love you” sometimes?

[Ask April Masini]

Yes, he does have feelings for you, but he also told you he doesn’t want a girlfriend and his inconsistency in behavior matches that statement. He likes you enough to see you when he can. He’s not a terrible guy, so he’s basically polite and kind. But he isn’t interested in having a lot more than that.

Is he using you for sex? Well, he wants to have sex with you, but he doesn’t want a girlfriend — I bet you can do the math. 🙂 I think you want a real relationship, and that’s why you’re wondering if he “has feelings for you”. Wrong question. 😮 What you really should be asking is: Is this guy boyfriend material? Is he interested in a monogamous, committed and possibly long term relationship? The answer is no. Don’t try and “bend” him into something he’s not.

I’m sorry if this is disappointing news, but I think you already know the truth, but were hoping for me to miraculously tell you something different than what you know deep down. No miracles here! But you can save yourself heartache by sticking to your relationship goal of a traditional boyfriend and looking elsewhere for that man.

Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[beachxgirl718]

thank you very much for your input. is it possible that he does have feelings for me, but he just doesnt want a girlfriend? i dont like feeling used for sex. and i feel if he was using me for sex we would have had sex a lot more and he wouldnt have made the effort that he did make?

[Ask April Masini]

I get the feeling you didn’t read my last post to you….. 😕

[beachxgirl718]

sorry i did, but i was just confused. i don’t get if he didn’t have any feelings for me and was using me for sex, or if he had feelings for me but just didn’t want a girlfriend.

[beachxgirl718]

i apologize. i did read it and i appreciate the time your taking to respond to my question. i am just confused because is it the fact that he doesn’t have feelings for me and he is using me for sex, or is it that he does have feelings for me but he doesn’t want a girlfriend?

[Anonymous]

I think it depends how you want to personally define “using you for sex”. If you define it as having sex with you without having any feelings for you, then no, he’s not using you for sex because he does appear to have feelings for you, he just doesn’t want any kind of further relationship with you. If you define it as having sex with you without any desire for a further relationship, then he’s definitely using you for sex.

Either way, whatever you want to define it as isn’t really the important thing. You’re looking for a relationship, and he’s not, which means you two aren’t compatible as far as a relationship goes.

[Ask April Masini]

[b]Semantics [/b] couldn’t have said it better. 😀

You’re looking for a black and white answer, but feelings are not that cut and dry. The reality is that men can like women, but still use them. 😳 They can have feelings for a woman, but they can also have bigger feelings for themselves, so that they’ll like you — but they’re not going to take care of your emotions because they don’t like you[i] that[/i] much! Lots of times a man (or a woman) will cheat, and feel badly about it — but his (or her) feelings won’t stop him from cheating. His feelings for himself in the moment he’s cheating are more important to him in that moment than his feelings about the person he’s cheating on.

Having feelings is a very broad term. You can have feelings for your puppy dog or your rose bush or your teacher or your cousin. You can have feelings for a man who you know isn’t husband material and you can have feelings for a man who’s a total prince! The same goes for men.

This guy is using you for sex. And he has feelings for you — but his feelings aren’t strong enough for him to be monogamous with you or to commit to you in any meaningful way. Having feelings for you doesn’t mean he’s not going to use you because the feelings he has for you aren’t that strong. I hope that fleshes it out for you!

[beachxgirl718]

i know you have responded to this already which i appreciate it but i forgot to add this in about this relationship.

Me and this guy have feelings for each other but were not dating because he doesn’t want a girlfriend. Sometimes at the end of our text convos he says “love you” and I say it back. He never says it in person though so I know it doesn’t count. Why is he saying this?

[Ask April Masini]

Please put all your posts in one string so that I can respond to the entirety — you’ll get much better advice when we call all read your posts in one place! Do that and then I’m very happy to respond. 😀

[beachxgirl718]

i think this is what you told me to do. sorry for reposting the same thing. instead i combined all posts, and resubmitted them here. thanks so much!

me and this guy met on a cruise. we had sex twice. on the cruise he called me his girlfriend, and if I lived in maryland he said that I would be his girlfriend. after the cruise he contacted me right away. after awhile he wasn’t contacting me so I wrote him a message basically saying that if he doesn’t write back, he doesn’t want any part of me..and he wrote back. between the cruise and college we saw each other twice, once the surprise visit, and the other time we hung out and talked the entire time..no sex. after that visit, he texted me right after saying “thanks for coming..cant wait to see you again”..i told him I was glad that we got to talk and he said “i would never use you” later on I said I was going to bed and I told him to have fun and he said “all my fun left at 12″…which is when I left. two days later he texts me and were talking about him coming to ny to visit me and we could go to the city..and he said “way rather see you then the city”..the third time we were supposed to hang out , he messed up plans…and I was down near where he lived and was staying at a hotel. he called me and got a cab and told me he was coming to see me..and it doesn’t matter how much it costs he just wanted to see me..but I told him he messed up plans in the first place, and it was too late so there was no point in coming. 5 days later, he called me and apologized for when he messed up plans. he said “lets keep this long distance relationship going”. this past august, I came to college near where he lives, a whole year since the cruise. we had kept in contact for one year..and now were 15 minutes away. we’ve hung out 6 times since I’ve been here. the first time he just stopped by with his friend and his friend said that the guy I like wanted to see his girl..meaning me. we didn’t have sex, we just talked. he texted me after the visit and said it was nice seeing you tonight. I told him I was sorry he didn’t stay longer and he said he would have loved to, but he didn’t want my suitemates to hate him for being there so late when we have classes the next day. and he said “just wanted to see you.” the second time he came to visit he came to lay with me. we layed together and talked the whole time, and then did stuff, but no sex. I asked him why things happen sexually between us and he said because I like you and you like me. and I said as more than a friend?and he was like..yeah I like you as more than a friend. the next time we hung out we just layed and talked with eachother..no sex. the 4th time we layed together and talked again..no sex. the 5th time we hung out..we actually did have sex..and it was real intimate, and he went and slept on the couch after? which he’s NEVER done before. and then the next time we hung out he was acting really strange and I asked if he liked me and he said “of course I do, its obvious I do, I just don’t want a gf” and when we had text convos sometimes at the end of them he would say “love you” and i would say it back but he would never say it in person.

does he have any feelings for me? or is he just using me for sex? and also, why does he say “love you” sometimes?

[Ask April Masini]

Thank you for compiling everything together — but please stop creating new posts on the same subject. You’ve created two posts three minutes apart with different titles this morning.

Anyway, I’m going to answer you here and maybe your tenacity and confusion is a metaphor for what’s going on with this guy. Your last post to me asked why he says “love you” and if that means he has feelings for you.

People say “love you” in a casual way. I think that’s what he’s doing. He does have feelings for you, but they’re his feelings — not yours — and they’re not the same as yours. He said he doesn’t want a girlfriend. He likes you. He’s having sex with you because you agree to.

If you want a boyfriend, he’s already told you he’s not your guy. I think you’re trying to turn him into someone he’s not. 😳

[beachxgirl718]

ADDED INFO. Thanks so much! 🙂

me and this guy met on a cruise. we had sex twice. on the cruise he called me his girlfriend, and if I lived in maryland he said that I would be his girlfriend. after the cruise he contacted me right away. after awhile he wasn’t contacting me so I wrote him a message basically saying that if he doesn’t write back, he doesn’t want any part of me..and he wrote back. between the cruise and college we saw each other twice, once the surprise visit, and the other time we hung out and talked the entire time..no sex. after that visit, he texted me right after saying “thanks for coming..cant wait to see you again”..i told him I was glad that we got to talk and he said “i would never use you” later on I said I was going to bed and I told him to have fun and he said “all my fun left at 12″…which is when I left. two days later he texts me and were talking about him coming to ny to visit me and we could go to the city..and he said “way rather see you then the city”..the third time we were supposed to hang out , he messed up plans…and I was down near where he lived and was staying at a hotel. he called me and got a cab and told me he was coming to see me..and it doesn’t matter how much it costs he just wanted to see me..but I told him he messed up plans in the first place, and it was too late so there was no point in coming. 5 days later, he called me and apologized for when he messed up plans. he said “lets keep this long distance relationship going”. this past august, I came to college near where he lives, a whole year since the cruise. we had kept in contact for one year..and now were 15 minutes away. we’ve hung out 6 times since I’ve been here. the first time he just stopped by with his friend and his friend said that the guy I like wanted to see his girl..meaning me. we didn’t have sex, we just talked. he texted me after the visit and said it was nice seeing you tonight. I told him I was sorry he didn’t stay longer and he said he would have loved to, but he didn’t want my suitemates to hate him for being there so late when we have classes the next day. and he said “just wanted to see you.” the second time he came to visit he came to lay with me. we layed together and talked the whole time, and then did stuff, but no sex. I asked him why things happen sexually between us and he said because I like you and you like me. and I said as more than a friend?and he was like..yeah I like you as more than a friend. the next time we hung out we just layed and talked with eachother..no sex. the 4th time we layed together and talked again..no sex. the 5th time we hung out..we actually did have sex..and it was real intimate, and he went and slept on the couch after? which he’s NEVER done before. and then the next time we hung out he was acting really strange and I asked if he liked me and he said “of course I do, its obvious I do, I just don’t want a gf” and when we had text convos sometimes at the end of them he would say “love you” and i would say it back but he would never say it in person. after he told me he didn’t want a gf we stopped talking for awhile, he basically just walked out of my life. then one day i contacted him and we started talking again and he just came over one night to visit. then i started going out some nights and texting him drunk asking to have sex, so we started just having sex, nothing else. then one night he called me and said “why dont we go out to dinner sometime?” so i said “yes, i would like that” and he texted me afterwards saying “its not fair that we just call each other to fuck. youre real cool, we will do dinner soon have fun tonight.” well the next night i was drunk and called him and asked when we were getting dinner, and he denied ever saying that to me, and that it was his friend that said that stuff to me. i was really hurt and he said “youre drunk, im sober, lets talk when were both sober.” he texted me after saying “if you wanted to go grab dinner, why didnt you just ask me? you think i just wanna fuck, come on.”

did he have feelings for me? or was he just using me for sex? how come he denied ever saying we should get dinner. ughh im so confused. please explain!

[Ask April Masini]

You’ve written me over a dozen posts in a few months, and they ALL have to do with your confusion because a man isn’t treating you like a girlfriend. 😳 You want to know if he’s using you for sex; if he meant what he said; why his behavior doesn’t match his language, etc. [i]If you want men to treat you a certain way, you have to BE the woman they are going to treat well. [/i] Instead of questioning their behavior, start changing yours! 😉

Please buy and read Think & Date Like A Man, [url]http://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url], so you can really understand how to find, get and keep Mr. Right. You can also buy the book on the websites Amazon or Barnes & Noble. If you read this book and STILL have questions, then please write me here! 😀

Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

[beachxgirl718]

okay thank you, i appreciate it. but is there any way you can just respond to the questions based on the added information i provided? and then i wont post anymore on this topic, i promise. thanks so much!

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