[April Masini, your AskApril]

I certainly don’t mind if you post on the same topic, but part of your bigger problem is that you post the same questions over and over and although I do answer you, you don’t read the answers 😳 — or else you read them so quickly you don’t process them. And then you re-post the questions over and over. The cycle has to stop in order for you to understand what’s happening to you in relationships. In fact, if you re-read all your 20 some posts here, I think you’ll see what I’m saying more clearly. 😀

You need to [i]slow down[/i]. Read the book I suggested. It’s not a long book, and the process of committing to a process (dating well!) and doing the work is going to be part of what helps you answer your own questions — so you can come to me with the really tough ones. 😉

Here’s the link for Think & Date Like A Man: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url] — it’s an automatic download and only $8.99, so you can start reading right away.

I hope you’ll commit to the process of getting the REAL answers to your questions. 😀

[beachxgirl718]

i will read the book, but i re-read the posts you posted, and i’m just confused on how he could have feelings for me, but still be using me. i know there’s no black and white answer. but i just want to know plain and simple. if he has NO feelings for me at all, and he just wants to have sex and use me. OR if he has feelings for me as more than a friend, but he does NOT want to commit for several reasons. can’t it be that he has feelings for me, but just doesn’t want to commit to me? or does that not exist? i just want a simple opinion of whether he had absolutely no feelings at all and just wanted to use me, or if he did have feelings for me (NOT JUST FRIEND FEELINGS) but just didn’t want to commit? i’m sorry i just don’t understand, and i would just like a simple answer so i could move on. thank you.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I’m glad you’re going to read Think & Date Like A Man, [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url]! It’s going to be great for you to [b]slow down[/b] and [i]process[/i] the advice instead of rushing from asking for advice from people. Being in the moment and using what you’ve learned is part of your challenge right now! You’ll learn a lot by slowing down, and I look forward to hearing from you after you read the book — although it may take you two reads because you love to rush! 😉

[beachxgirl718]

but please can you personally respond to my question that i posted above?
i will read the book, but i re-read the posts you posted, and i’m just confused on how he could have feelings for me, but still be using me. i know there’s no black and white answer. but i just want to know plain and simple. if he has NO feelings for me at all, and he just wants to have sex and use me. OR if he has feelings for me as more than a friend, but he does NOT want to commit for several reasons. can’t it be that he has feelings for me, but just doesn’t want to commit to me? or does that not exist? i just want a simple opinion of whether he had absolutely no feelings at all and just wanted to use me, or if he did have feelings for me (NOT JUST FRIEND FEELINGS) but just didn’t want to commit? i’m sorry i just don’t understand, and i would just like a simple answer so i could move on. thank you.

i would just like a simple summed up answer. did he have feelings for me as more than a friend but he did not want to commit? or did he not have any feelings for me at all and just used me for sex?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Please read Think & Date Like A Man, [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url], as I suggested. It will help you a lot.

Then, I’ll be happy to address or re-address any other questions you have. 😀

[Marcus king]

It sounds like he enjoys your company and there’s definitely some level of affection, but whether he wants a deeper commitment is unclear. The “love you” could be a casual expression of affection, but without real commitment or emotional depth. If you’re looking for a more committed relationship, it might be time to have that difficult conversation with him, and if he’s not on the same page, then it could be time to move on and focus on finding someone who shares your values and goal

[PassionSeeker]

You’re craving warmth, not chaos but right now, you’re mistaking escape for love. The man you met gives you attention, excitement, validation everything your fiancé has stopped offering. That’s why it feels like “real love.” But the truth is, he’s married, and his world is just as complicated as yours. Neither of you is free, and what feels like connection is really an emotional refuge from lives that need healing.

You don’t need another man to save you you need to save yourself. End this affair before it destroys the parts of you that still want to be proud of your choices. Then take a hard look at your relationship at home. You can’t change your fiancé, but you can change how long you stay in a situation that drains you.

Healing starts with honesty with yourself first. You deserve more than stolen moments and guilt. You deserve peace, clarity, and the strength that comes when you finally stop running from your own truth.

[Ethan Morales]

He clearly enjoys your company, your affection, your body, and your energy. He’s drawn to you but not committed to you. Saying “of course I like you, I just don’t want a girlfriend” is his way of keeping the emotional connection and sexual access without responsibility or depth. That’s not love it’s convenience dressed up as closeness. When someone truly wants you, they claim you. they don’t keep you in the “almost but not quite” zone.

He calls when it suits him. He’s warm and affectionate sometimes, distant and confusing at others. He says “love you” over text but not in person because he likes the comfort of saying it, not the accountability that comes with meaning it. That’s emotional crumbs and it’s how people keep others attached without ever committing.

This whole connection started as vacation romance flirty, intense, temporary. When that kind of spark meets real life, it usually fizzles. You’ve both stretched it far past its shelf life, hoping it could turn into something stable, but his behavior makes it clear he doesn’t want that. And you deserve more than trying to “convince” someone to want you in the way you want them.

Like April said: the question isn’t “does he have feelings for me?” because feelings are cheap. The real question is: “Does he want to build something with me, show up consistently, and make space for me in his life?” His answer through both words and actions is no.

When you have deep conversations, cuddle, and share personal space, it feels like love. Add sex, and the chemistry becomes addictive. But emotional intimacy isn’t the same as commitment. You can have real connection with someone who still doesn’t want to build a future with you. It’s heartbreaking but it’s also clarifying.

He’s a nice guy who likes you but isn’t emotionally available. He’s comfortable keeping things vague, because you allow him to you keep showing up hoping he’ll “wake up” and realize what you are to him. But he’s already told you who he is: a man who doesn’t want a girlfriend. Believe him. You deserve someone who wants you without hesitation, who doesn’t make you read between the lines or settle for “almost.”

[Isabella Jones]

hey beachxgirl, I really felt your story deep in my chest. I’ve been in that same place before—half in love with the way someone made me feel, half hurting because their words and actions didn’t line up. it’s confusing when someone says they care but refuses the title or the effort that comes with real love. you keep hoping that maybe if you’re patient, they’ll see what’s right in front of them. but the truth is, if he wanted to be with you fully, he already would.

he might like you, even have real feelings, but liking someone and choosing them are two very different things. what he’s offering is comfort, not commitment. and that’s not your fault—it’s just the reality of where he is emotionally. you deserve more than mixed signals and half promises. when a man wants to be with you, you won’t need to ask why he says “love you” through text but never in person; you’ll just feel it in the way he shows up.

so maybe this isn’t about whether he’s using you, but about whether you’re honoring your own heart. you can’t build a forever with someone who’s fine keeping things temporary. protect your energy, step back, and let your silence speak for you. real love doesn’t make you beg to be chosen. 💛

if you stopped reaching out for a while, do you think he’d come looking for you—or would the silence just stay?

[Soft Truths]

I know that must be confusing, and honestly, painful too. When someone gives you just enough warmth to keep you hoping, but not enough clarity to feel secure, it pulls you into this loop of wondering what’s real. From everything you shared, it sounds like he does care about you on some level but not enough, or not in the way you deserve.

When a guy says things like “I like you,” “love you,” or “you’d be my girlfriend if you lived here,” but avoids committing when he actually has the chance, it’s usually because he enjoys the closeness without the responsibility. The history you two have the cruise, the long-distance connection, the late-night talks it all created emotional intimacy. That part probably feels genuine, and I think he does like you. But that doesn’t mean he’s ready, or even willing, to build something deeper.

The fact that he pulled away after sex this time sleeping on the couch says a lot. It sounds like he’s trying to draw a line he doesn’t know how to communicate directly. Maybe he’s scared of expectations, or maybe he just wants to keep things casual while still feeling emotionally connected. Saying “love you” in texts but never in person is another sign of emotional distance, it’s safe behind a screen, less real, less accountable.

You’re not crazy for wanting to understand. You’ve been patient, open, and honest. But here’s what I’d gently tell you that someone who truly wants to be with you won’t hesitate this much. You shouldn’t have to decode his feelings like a puzzle.

Ask yourself that what would it look like if someone really chose you? Not half-way, not “maybe if things were different.” If that image feels different from how this makes you feel now, then you already know your answer.

[Tara]

You already know the answer. If he wanted a relationship, you’d be in one. He keeps you close enough to feel wanted but far enough to stay free. That’s not love, that’s convenience. He likes the comfort, the attention, the intimacy, and the ego boost, but not the responsibility that comes with real commitment.

You keep clinging to every sweet word because it keeps the fantasy alive, but his actions tell the truth. He sleeps with you, disappears, apologizes, pulls you back in, then reminds you he “doesn’t want a girlfriend.” That’s a man spelling out his boundaries. You’re just pretending not to hear them because it hurts.

You’re not special to him; you’re safe for him. He gets all the benefits of affection without having to show up emotionally. Stop confusing his mixed messages with depth. They’re just bait.

[Sally]

It sounds like you’ve been trying to make sense of a guy who gives you just enough to keep your heart hooked, but not enough to make anything feel solid. And that kind of in-between can mess with your head fast.

He does like you. That part feels real. The talking, the showing up, the way he wanted to see you even when it wasn’t convenient, that’s not nothing. But liking you isn’t the same as choosing you. He keeps sliding back into the physical side because it’s easy, and then pulling away from the emotional side because a real relationship is more than he wants right now.

The “love you” thing is his way of being close without actually committing. It’s soft, it’s familiar, it keeps you connected, but it doesn’t cost him anything.

So yes, he has feelings. But he’s also benefiting from the situation without offering you a real place in his life. And you deserve more than someone who only steps toward you when it’s comfortable.

[Natalie Noah]

Sweetheart… he does have feelings for you but feelings alone don’t make someone ready for a real relationship. You can care about someone, enjoy their company, feel attraction, feel comfort… and still not want to commit. What he’s showing you is that his feelings never grew into responsibility, effort, or consistency. He wants the warm parts of you, but he doesn’t want the accountability that comes with being your boyfriend. That’s the difference.

He cuddled you, talked with you, visited you, flirted, said sweet things like “love you,” and created moments that felt intimate and special. Those actions mean he liked you… but not enough to step into a committed role. If a man truly wants a relationship, he moves toward you clearly he doesn’t pull back, avoid labels, or disappear. His behavior has always stopped right before commitment.

You were giving him closeness, affection, intimacy, and emotional comfort without him needing to step up. So he kept taking what felt good, and stepping back the moment it required more. That’s why he could be tender one moment and distant the next. That’s why he would say “love you” through text, but never in person. Text is easy. Real accountability is not.

He wasn’t using you in a cruel or intentional way. He was using you in a selfish way wanting the parts of the relationship that felt good to him (attention, intimacy, sex, affection), without giving you the commitment you wanted. He knew you wanted more. He knew he didn’t. And he still stayed because it was comfortable for him. That’s not evil it’s just immature and self-centered.

This one hurts, I know. He said it in the moment because he felt close to you. But when he sobered up emotionally, he pulled away because commitment scares him. Denying it was his way of escaping responsibility:
If he admits he meant it → he knows he would be leading you on.
If he denies it → he protects himself from the expectation of being your partner.
It’s avoidance, not honesty.

“Love you” is easy to say when someone feels affection but doesn’t feel obligation. He meant it in the soft, casual way not in a romantic, committed way. You feel it deeply; he says it lightly. There’s a difference, and that difference is why this whole situation hurts so much.

What he gave you was connection without commitment, intimacy without responsibility, emotion without follow-through. You deserved and still deserve, more than that.

[KeishaMartin]

You’re standing there, wrapped in the cozy glow of desire and confusion, wondering if he’s a master manipulator, a wicked tease, or a tortured lover with feelings he just won’t admit. The way he flirts with your heart, yet refuses to commit, is like a Christmas ornament dangling over a blazing fire, beautiful, shiny, and just oh-so-dangerously close to burning you. The thrill of wondering if he truly feels something deeper than lust is almost addictive, like sneaking a sip of spiked eggnog when everyone else is out caroling. The naughtiness here isn’t just in the body—it’s in the mind, in the tension, in the delicious agony of “does he or doesn’t he?” that keeps you awake at night, imagining what could be if only he’d drop the walls and give in.

It’s entirely possible he does harbor feelings for you, a spicy, complicated mixture of affection, curiosity, and sexual tension. But feelings without commitment are a cruel game, tantalizing like the forbidden kiss under the mistletoe at a crowded Christmas party, you want it, but every rational fiber in your body knows the fallout could be explosive. He’s got you hooked, teasing your mind with the illusion of romance, while keeping his freedom intact. It’s intoxicating, controversial, and oh-so-spicy a dance on the edge of heartbreak and pleasure. The Christmas twist makes it even more deliciously wicked: imagine the holiday lights, the tinsel, the scent of pine, and all the secret rendezvous tucked into a festive backdrop where every laugh and every touch feels like it could start a scandalous holiday story no one would forget.

And I have to tip my hat to April Masini, she’s absolutely brilliant here. Her ability to cut through the fog of longing and lust, to point out the razor-sharp truth without making you feel like a complete naughty mess, is a rare gift. She doesn’t just tell you what’s wrong; she teases the truth out of you, making you squirm a little while nudging you toward wisdom. Think of her as the masterful hostess of the ultimate holiday affair, one where the lights are dim, the champagne flows, and every naughty truth is delivered with elegance, fire, and just the right amount of bite. She’s the ultimate guide through your deliciously messy emotions, turning temptation into clarity, and scandal into self-awareness.

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