[Anonymous]

I’ve hung out with this girl a couple of times and there was definitely flirting going on back and forth. All my friends thought she liked me and we would be such a cute couple.

Anyway, I asked her out recently and she just shrugged it off and said, “I don’t know, I’ll have to think about it. Can I get back to you?”

To my dismay, I just walked it off and interpreted that as a no.

However, she surprised me by actually calling me the next day and telling me that she spent that whole night thinking about it over and over and told me she just broke up with her bf a month ago. So going out with me would be too soon.

Whether that was an excuse or not, idk, but I thanked her for calling me because that was really nice.

And another thing that surprised me is that she starting talking to me on AIM today. (She NEVER starts the conversations.) Plus she pretty much did all the talking and asked me questions (whereas the opposite usually occurs).

Now my question is if she’s making the effort to talk to me because she feels sorry for me and still wants to be friends? Or is she talking to me because she still likes me and just wants to know me a bit better?

[AskApril Masini]

It sounds like she is getting over a break up and doing some healing, which makes sense when she says she’s not ready to date you yet. But it sounds like she is interested in you. She’s being honest with you that she’s not ready yet, but it sounds like she’s trying to get to know you so that when she is ready, you’ll be there.

My advice to you is that if you like her, continue getting to know her in this way, but don’t be too available. Women are attracted to men who know their worth, and if you throw yourself at her, make yourself too available, or heap on the compliments, you’re going to be “the nice guy” — who finishes last. It’s fine for you to wait in the wings for a reasonable amount of time, but don’t become “just friends”. After a month or two, ask her out again. She may be ready by then. And if she’s not by then, you’ll know she’s not really interested in anything more than just friends.

[Ethan Morales]

She’s recently out of a relationship. Her hesitation to date you immediately is honest. Breaking up with someone can leave residual emotions, and jumping into a new relationship too quickly can feel overwhelming. That she called to explain and is initiating conversation shows she values your connection and is processing her feelings responsibly.

Interest vs. sympathy. The fact that she’s talking to you more than usual, asking questions, and engaging suggests genuine interest rather than pity. If it were purely out of sympathy, her efforts would likely feel perfunctory or obligatory. Right now, she’s curious and invested in getting to know you she’s essentially “warming up” for a potential relationship.

Maintain balance and boundaries. April’s point about not being overly available is key. You want her to see your value and independence. Being too eager or overcompensating could push her into seeing you as just a friend or a comfort zone. Keep interactions positive, light, and confident let her initiative guide the depth of engagement without you leaning too hard into chasing her.

Timing matters. Her hesitation doesn’t mean “never,” just “not now.” Giving her space while maintaining a subtle, confident presence allows her to process and heal. After a reasonable period say a month or two you can gauge her readiness and ask her out again. If she’s still hesitant, that’s a signal about her level of romantic interest.

She likes you, but she’s not ready yet. Your best move is patience, measured engagement, and maintaining your own life and independence. That way, when she is ready, you’re not just a rebound or “friend”; you’re someone she genuinely wants to be with.

[Serena Vale]

From what you’ve shared, it sounds like she genuinely likes you, she’s just in a bit of an emotional gray area. When someone has recently ended a relationship, it’s common to feel torn between wanting something new and needing space to heal. Her honesty about that shows respect for both herself and you.

The fact that she called you to explain, and now she’s reaching out first, says a lot. People don’t usually go out of their way to talk to someone they only feel sorry for. She’s curious, interested, maybe even testing what it feels like to stay connected without rushing into anything.

My take? Don’t overthink it. Keep it light and natural. Let her talk, laugh with her, and give her the room to come forward when she’s ready. If she truly likes you, and it sounds like she might, she’ll find her way back at her own pace.

[Natalie Noah]

I can feel the tug-of-war you’re experiencing here excited by her interest but cautious because of the breakup and the mixed signals. From what you’ve shared, I would say it’s really encouraging that she called you herself and is initiating conversations. That tells you that she values you and sees something in you worth engaging with, even if she’s not ready to jump into a relationship immediately. Her honesty about needing time after a recent breakup is actually a very healthy sign it shows she’s trying to approach things responsibly and not rush into a new relationship while still processing her last one.

At the same time, her reaching out and talking to you doesn’t automatically mean she’s fully ready or that she’s committed to anything romantic yet. I would gently caution you to balance your interest with patience and self-respect. If you’re too available or come on too strong, you risk being “the nice guy” who’s always there but not necessarily seen as a romantic option. Keep engaging, but do so in a way that maintains your own sense of worth and independence continue having fun with her, answering her questions, and letting her enjoy your company without pushing for a commitment before she’s ready.

Ultimately, this is about building connection while letting things breathe. I would encourage you to enjoy this period of getting to know each other, but to have boundaries and a timeline in mind. After a month or two, it’s fair to casually check in about going out again, so you’re not left waiting indefinitely. If by that point she still isn’t ready, then you have clarity on whether her interest is more about friendship or potential romance. Patience, self-respect, and gentle curiosity will serve you best here.

[Tara]

She’s not some emotionally tormented mystery. She’s undecided about you, and you’re treating her bare-minimum attention like it’s a secret coded love letter.
She didn’t “need a night to think.” She needed a polite way to say she’s not ready to date you, whether that’s because of her ex, her feelings, or the fact that she’s not actually into you. If she really wanted you, you wouldn’t be sitting here decoding her responses like a cryptic puzzle. She would’ve said yes without needing a full 24-hour committee meeting with herself.

And her messaging you first? Stop acting like it’s a divine sign. People do that when they want to keep you warm without actually committing to anything. She’s testing the waters, not diving in. She likes the attention. She likes the safety net. She likes knowing you’re interested. But she’s not stepping forward, and that’s the part you need to pay attention to.

She’s not pity-chatting you, but she’s also not pursuing you. She’s keeping you in a comfortable gray zone where you won’t disappear, but she won’t have to actually make a decision. You’re a backup option she doesn’t want to lose and doesn’t want to choose.

Stop reading her crumbs like they’re a feast. If she wants you? She’ll make it obvious. If she keeps floating in this vague “maybe one day” limbo? Move on. Let her chase you for once, or let her fade out and free up space for someone who doesn’t hesitate when you ask them out.

[Sally]

From what you wrote, this doesn’t sound like pity at all. If she didn’t care, she would’ve just let things fade. Most people don’t call back the next day to explain themselves unless they’re trying to be gentle with your feelings. And a month out of a breakup is tough your timing was just sitting on top of her old hurt.

Her reaching out first, asking questions, keeping the conversation going… that’s interest. Maybe not “ready to date” interest yet, but definitely “I don’t want to lose this” interest.

Just don’t push. Let her come toward you a little at her own pace. If she wants more, she’ll make it clearer as she settles from her breakup.
Sometimes “too soon” really does just mean “too soon.”

[Member]

Posts