[Anonymous]

Why would a 37 year old man abruptly end a loving realtionship with me, his 32 year old girlfriend of over a year?? He said our relationship was the best year of his life, the longest relationship he has ever had, he said I brought him balance, and he has never been happier. He said he was scared. He said he wasn’t ready for a realtionship. He then said he didn’t love me anymore, even though a week before he was thinking about marriage and children, after just meeting my parents and spending time with his family. What?? I don’t get it. Why would he go?? I don’t believe he doesn’t love me…love just doesn’t disappear like that. We broke up almost 3 months ago. I told him all my thoughts and feelings and even told him if he ever changed his mind to let me know. I feel that in life you should really fight for what you want. I did, he knows how i feel. I haven’t spoken to him in a month now. Please don’t be lame and tell me to move on, there’s someone else out there for me, etc… I would like real advice from someone who has been here………!! I don’t want a self-help book that will empower me. The heart is real and so is the pain of this loss. I miss him terribily and I know I can’t make him come back to me, but I’d love some insight on why he’d do this and … oh i don’t know…this is all so very sad.

[Ask April Masini]

I’m sorry you’re sad. Rejection is painful.

I’m also sorry that you think it would be “lame” of me to tell you to move on and offer you a self help book! 😕 Clearly, you don’t want my full advice — only censored (through your specific impositions) advice.

I’m quite sure that’s why you’re not accepting your boyfriend’s rejection, too. You don’t want the full story — just your limited version of why he left, so that you can try and believe that he was wrong to leave and still loves you. Well, that’s not going to help you. 🙁

I know you have ideas of how a relationship should happen, and how people should feel, but you have to understand that he’s not you. There are plenty of reasons for him to lose interest and do a 180 degree turn in his feelings. And they’re different from your feelings. His thinking about marriage and children and telling you he was thinking about them may have been the catalyst for his realization that he doesn’t want to have them with you, and so he told you he doesn’t love you any more. When he told you he was thinking of marriage and children, you assumed he was thinking he wanted them with you, rather than his thinking that he was considering if he wanted them with you. 😐

Actions ALWAYS speak louder than words, and you’re clinging to his words and trying to make pretend that they are more important than his action. I’m sorry this is harsh, but the words carry way less importance than the fact that he broke up with you, and his reasons that he gave for breaking up with you have way less importance than the fact that he’s left.

You’re right that love “doesn’t just disappear like that”, and I’m quite sure that this happened somewhere along the way of your year together that things didn’t start adding up for him to a future together. You may not have seen what he saw that made him want to leave, or you may have and have chosen to ignore them or brush them off — I don’t know because I’m only hearing from you, not him.

And he may still love you, but love isn’t enough to sustain a serious relationship. You can love someone, and also decide that they are not a person you want to marry or have children with. At 37, he may be thinking seriously about marriage and children, and he has his own ideas of what his wife and mother of his children will look like and be. Sadly, you weren’t the one for him. 😥

I hope that helps. Let me know when you do want me to tell you about moving on and self help books! 😉 I know you’re in pain, and I’m sorry. I also know you you’re going to be okay. 🙂

Let me know how things go, and if you need any more help.

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