[Jennybobenny]

Hello,

I was dating a wonderful, respectable man for about a month. I’m 23 and he’s 30.

We met on a dating site; he made contact first and was very interested in me. We exchanged lengthy messages on the site for a few weeks before meeting. Once we finally met, we clicked very well. Our personalities meshed well together and we enjoyed each other’s company.

The trouble is, he admitted to being very shy, insecure and inexperienced in relationships. Before me, he hadn’t dated in 8 years (his ex has since gotten married). I was also the first girl he dated outside his social circle. He always expressed his concern about trying to make me happy and worrying that I would get bored of him or that he wouldn’t be able to please me.

After our fourth date, we attempted to have sex, but because of his nervousness, he was unable to become erect and was very embarrassed and ashamed. I was totally understanding and let him know that there was no pressure to please me and that everything was okay.

Things seemed to be moving well, as we started making plans for our near future, and talking about being together. However, all of a sudden, he called me today and broke up with me, saying that he somehow felt that our relationship wouldn’t work out in the long run, despite the fact that we got along very well and were infatuated with each other. He was unable to cite any particular reason for his feeling, and simply said “Literally, there’s nothing wrong with you, it’s me.”

I’ve always been laid back and accommodating, so I haven’t done anything to make him believe he’s inadequate in any way. However, he has always seemed insecure about his ability to make me happy and opened up about his inexperience in relationships.

Am I right in assuming that his insecurity is leading him to believe that he can’t please me? What can I do? He was the best man I’ve ever dated and simply don’t want to lose him so easily, especially if it’s because of a misunderstanding on his part.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

[quote]Am I right in assuming that his insecurity is leading him to believe that he can’t please me?[/quote]

Maybe, but not necessarily. You’ve only known him for a month, so you can try and guess what led to the break up based on what you’ve learned in a month, or you can just assume that you weren’t his cup of tea — which is going to happen when you’re dating, whether or not you like the guy. In fact, it happens both ways. Many times a guy will think you’re amazing, but you’ll feel like he’s nice, but not what you’re looking for. Sometimes there isn’t a deep reason for a break up — it’s just that you’re not what he’s looking for, or he’s not what you’re looking for.

[quote]What can I do? He was the best man I’ve ever dated and simply don’t want to lose him so easily, especially if it’s because of a misunderstanding on his part.[/quote]

What you can do is to accept that one month of dating didn’t lead to a relationship and move on. If he was the best many you dated — with his inexperience and insecurity — I think you can do better. 😉 You’ve described yourself as someone who is laid back and relaxed, and I think that someone who’s very insecure isn’t a good match for you. It’s a little hard to accept that the break up was the result of a misunderstanding, since many one month relationships don’t pan out because people realize it’s been a good month getting to know someone — because they’re just not for them. Next. 😉

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