Hi everyone,
I met a guy through a common interest – dogs. We first knew each when he contacted me asking for advice about dog breeders. After a few weeks there was attraction, then a mild emotional affair. He told me he’s fallen in love with me, but that it was a sin. I didn’t know what he was talking about until he confessed that he actually already had a girlfriend (together for almost 3 years). It hurt me so bad I cried.
He proceeded to say that since he got his new pup, it required so much of his attention that his girlfriend felt jealous and always argued with him. At this point I told him we can’t go on having the kind of relationship we were having and that we’ll have to remain good friends. However, try as we might, we always end up going back to how we were. Sometimes he’d pour out his problems to me about his girlfriend. Because I was trying to be a good friend, I listened and gave advice even when it hurt me so much every time he talks about her.
He told me he’s going to break up with his girlfriend when the time is right. One reason he gave was that he just doesn’t want the breakup to be because of a 3rd party – that being me. He said it’ll just focus his girlfriend’s wrath on me.
During the period of the emotional affair I keep trying to stop myself from talking to him. I KNEW it was wrong for me to be in this affair with a man already involved. I couldn’t stop feeling guilty. But you know how things are with emotions… and attraction. It finally led us to having a physical affair. It’s so easy to forget that there’s another woman in the picture.
However, now I can’t help but think of his girlfriend. He said she thinks something is up but haven’t talked to him about it. She didn’t seem to be as disturbed as he would have expected her to be. But still, we’re cheating. Whenever I bring up the topic he asks me to wait, that the time will eventually come when we’ll be together without having to hide from everyone. When I tried to break things off, we just ended up crying and getting hurt, and then nothing changes.
Should I just break everything off with him, no arguments? Should I convince him to break up with his girlfriend sooner? But asking him to do this seems so unfair and selfish… I love him, love talking to him, love being with him, but I don’t think I can or should wait for the time he promises will come. I feel so much pain when he’s tells me he’s been with his girlfriend. I don’t know how much more I can take.
I’m really sorry for the long-winded and confusing story. I didn’t know how to make it short and concise. 😳
