[lauren.engaged32]

I have been engaged since April, and things were amazing at first, he couldn’t get enough of me. For the first eight weeks after we got engaged, he was all in: calling, texting, planning, telling me how happy I make him. Then, about seven weeks ago, everything changed.
It’s been four days since we last spoke on the phone, and we haven’t seen each other. During the week, I’m basically a friend he texts rarely; on weekends, he wants me around for “play time” but during workdays, I’m ignored. He says he’s wrestling with whether he can give up his “freedom” to be settled and married. Sometimes he talks about walking away, then he’ll switch and tell me he loves me and that I make him so happy. The constant flip-flopping feels like emotional whiplash — one minute all-in, the next he seems ready to trash what we’ve built.
I’ve been patient and supportive. I’ve tried to talk, to give him space, to reassure him, and to stay steady while he figures himself out. He tells me his doubts are fading and that he’s getting better, but the behavior hasn’t consistently changed. I’m exhausted from being the one who holds everything together emotionally. I don’t want to throw away something I care about deeply, but I’m losing respect for him because indecision is starting to look like unwillingness to commit.
Is this normal cold feet, or a sign he’s not truly ready for marriage? How long do you keep hoping for reassurance and behavioral change before protecting your heart? Should I set a clear ultimatum (therapy, a timeline, or engagement check-in), give him more time, or walk away before I become numb? I’m desperate for practical, realistic advice — not platitudes. What would you do if you were me?

[KeishaMartin]

What you’re experiencing isn’t normal “cold feet.” True cold feet might make someone nervous for a few days, but your fiancé’s constant flip-flopping over weeks is emotional inconsistency. You’re the one holding the relationship together, and that’s not sustainable.

The pattern shows he’s struggling with commitment, not just anxiety. He wants closeness for fun or convenience, but avoids responsibility when things feel real. Caring isn’t enough if he can’t act like a consistent partner.

Emotional whiplash erodes trust and respect. Feeling exhausted, confused, or even resentful is a natural reaction to someone whose actions don’t match their words. You’re not overreacting — you’re protecting yourself.

You need clarity, boundaries, and a timeline. That might include a serious conversation about consistency, engagement expectations, and possibly therapy. The goal is to get him to show action, not just words.

Setting an ultimatum isn’t controlling; it’s self-preservation. You’re stating what you need to feel secure and respected. Without it, you risk becoming numb, resentful, and disconnected — slowly losing love you care about.

If he can’t commit fully and consistently, hope alone won’t save your engagement. You need action or a decision, otherwise walking away might be the healthiest choice. Protecting your heart is not selfish — it’s necessary.

[Val Unfiltered💋]

babe… this isn’t “cold feet,” this is emotional ping-pong and you’re the ball. men who want to marry you don’t need “space” to remember it. you’re over here being the stable one while he plays hot-and-cold like it’s cute. it’s not. stop managing his feelings and start protecting yours, either he’s in this with both feet or you’re done babysitting his doubts. love shouldn’t feel like waiting for him to grow up. 💅💔

[PassionSeeker]

This one cuts deep because you’re not just questioning his love, you’re questioning his consistency. The man who once made you feel chosen now makes you feel optional, and that’s a painful shift to live through.

What you’re seeing isn’t just “cold feet.” It’s emotional avoidance he wants the comfort of being loved without the accountability that comes with commitment. When someone is ready for marriage, they may get scared, but they don’t go days without contact or treat their partner like a weekend distraction.

You’ve already done the emotional labor the patience, the reassurance, the steady presence. It’s his turn now. I’d sit him down and say something like:

“I love you, but I can’t keep waiting for you to decide if I’m worth choosing. I need consistency, not confusion. If you want this, I need to see that through actions, not promises.”

Give him space to rise to that. If he doesn’t, that’s your answer. You’re not asking for too much you’re asking for partnership. And if he’s still wrestling with “freedom,” maybe it’s time you remember: you have the freedom to walk away too.

[James Smith]

Oh man, reading your story gave me flashbacks to the time I tried adopting a cat with my ex. She was all in at first researching breeds, buying toys, even picking names. Then the cat arrived, and suddenly it was, “Maybe I’m not ready for this level of commitment.” Next thing I know, I’m the sole cat dad, and she’s out there living her “freedom.” 😂 Moral of the story: when someone’s words and actions don’t match, believe the actions.

Your fiancé sounds like he’s stuck in that weird in-between where the idea of love feels good, but the reality of commitment scares him. That push-and-pull you’re feeling? It’s not love maturing; it’s emotional inconsistency wearing you down. Love should be steady, not a weekly guessing game. You can’t be the only one holding the rope while he decides whether to grab it or drop it.

If you need to set boundaries, that’s not pressure—it’s clarity. Ask yourself, do you want a marriage or do you want to spend the next few years waiting for him to figure out if he does? Because right now, you’re giving emotional stability to someone who’s using it like a safety net instead of a partnership.

Do you think he’s afraid of losing you, or just afraid of losing his sense of freedom?

[AskApril Masini]

You don’t marry someone hoping they’ll magically change once you say “I do.” That’s a huge mistake.

It’s clear this man isn’t ready to settle down. If being engaged already has him acting this way, imagine what marriage would look like. Imagine having kids with someone who’s this unsure, he’d probably run the moment things got real.

So before any of that happens, you need to be the one who walks away first. Save yourself the heartache and leave while it’s still easy to do.

[Marcus king]

It sounds like you’re in a really challenging situation. From what you’ve described, his behavior seems to be more than just normal cold feet, it’s indecision and a lack of commitment, and that’s a tough thing to navigate, especially when you’re engaged and emotionally invested.

You’ve been patient and supportive, but it’s crucial to protect your emotional well-being. Indecision is one thing, but flip-flopping and inconsistency are signs of someone who may not be fully ready for the level of commitment marriage requires. It’s understandable that you don’t want to throw away what you’ve built, but your feelings matter too. If you’re constantly the one holding things together and bearing the emotional weight, it’s draining and unfair to you.

Given his behavior, it might be time for a conversation where you set clear boundaries. An ultimatum, such as therapy or a timeline for clarity, could be the push he needs to either step up or acknowledge that he’s not ready for marriage. It’s also important to know when enough is enough, if the situation doesn’t improve and continues to feel like an emotional rollercoaster, you might need to walk away for your own peace of mind and future happiness. Ultimately, you deserve someone who is as committed to you and the relationship as you are.

[Member]

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