[dardar]

I’d like to remove this

[AskApril Masini]

I’m sorry you’re hurt. 🙁 Clearly this woman is hurting your feelings and you’re feeling fragile. Because she does not have your best interests at heart, you have to take care of yourself. She isn’t. If she cared about you instead of herself, she’d know these phone calls hurt you and she’d stop. I know you don’t see it this way, but she is selfish. She has her fiance, and she is manipulating your feelings, too. It’s time to get her out of your life once and for all.

Get a phone with caller id so that you only accept phone calls from people you know — and WANT to talk to. All other calls, don’t pick up. Block her e-mail address, and extricate her from your websites and any other place she contacts you. YOU have to be the one to put up the boundaries in your life that are healthy for YOU.

Don’t be a victim any more. Take action to block her from your life, and start getting healthy and getting out there and meeting other women who are kind, funny, beautiful and interesting to you. They are out there, and they will want you as much as you want them, but you can’t have them, until you start treating yourself like someone who is ready to move on.

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go.

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[dardar]

I’d like to remove this

[AskApril Masini]

You didn’t take my advice to heart. 😳 She’s married. Stop sending her e-mails. Stop tracking her e-mail activity. If you want to move on, then do so. If you want to be a victim, then keep engaged with your ex-girlfriend who is now re-married, but doing so is going to lead you to more pain. The choice is yours, but so are the consequences of your choices. 😉

[dardar]

I’d like to remove this

[AskApril Masini]

Sometimes “deal breakers” change over time. This woman you’re writing about is young and is a recent college graduate, just starting out in her career and as an independent adult. Because of the confluence of these factors, she’s more likely to change her mind about deal breakers than someone with more life experience. In other words, I know it seems to you like she’s flip flopped after over a year of dating, but young people sometimes have a change of heart more easily than middle-aged or older people because they’re trying things out. Of course knowing yourself well, and dating someone who knows herself well always helps relationship success, but sometimes it doesn’t always work out that way.

I’m sure she loves you, but has realized that the religion is important to her in a way she didn’t realize when she wasn’t as close to a commitment with you. This is probably difficult for both of you. My advice is to be glad you didn’t spend more time with someone who’s decided that there’s a deal breaker between you, and that the stakes are lower than they might be if you had a child, a house, a marriage or more between you. I know you’re hurt and you feel rejected, but I think you should take her change of heart — to heart, and move on, trying to find a woman who has more in common with you, and even more life experience to have tested out her values.

I hope this helps. 😉

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[dardar]

I’d like to remove this

[AskApril Masini]

Thank you for your kind words. 🙂

I know you want to take care of her, but when you break up with someone, the best thing you can do for them, is not to stick around and be nice to them — but to move on with a benign disconnect. In other words, break up, move on and cut ties. This will help her feel alone, which is no fun, but the sooner she does this, the easier it will be for her to heal. When she feels that you’re around to make her feel better, it’s going to take her longer to get over things. In addition, if she has a very small support system, your not being there may cause her to make new friends and reach out to her family, so your absence may actually help her with her own life.

I know that this is hard, and nobody thinks break ups are easy, but the best thing for both of you is to accept the incompatibility and focus on your own life now. 😉 She’ll be okay, and so, too, will you.

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[dardar]

I’d like to remove this

[AskApril Masini]

[quote]Makes perfect sense to cut all ties and not talk to her. But a part of me is expecting her to contact me, tell me she was wrong or atleast ask how I am holding up. How do i move on from this? [/quote]

When she calls, don’t take the call right away. Wait a few days and then call her back and tell her you’re fine, and you hope she is — or will be — too. Then make the call brief — three minutes at most — and hang up.

[quote]I really do not want to waste my next few months crying over this. [/quote]

I agree, and you shouldn’t! The way you decide to conduct your behavior is a choice. 😉 If you decide not to waste your time, then you won’t! 😀

[quote]What is the best way to go about it April? [/quote]

Simply go about your life, as a single man, and be involved in your work, your friends, your sports, your hobbies — whatever you do, normally. And when you’re ready, start dating again!

[quote]How do i stop fooling myself that she will come back and contact me one way or another? [/quote]

You don’t and shouldn’t fool yourself — it’s not productive or healthy to do so. Simply stay grounded in reality. Denial isn’t a great way to live. 😕

[quote]Should I try and get a proper closure? [/quote]

You have closure. “Proper closure” is very subjective. What is closure for one person, or “proper” closure, is different for someone else. Lots of people write me on this site because they want a particular type of closure that they didn’t get — and what they really mean is that they like the closure they did get. Don’t focus on closure you didn’t get — focus on what you did get — and on moving on. 😉

[quote]cause we broke up in a rather weird way on the phone. Last words she said was “Stop it” and disappeared cause i asked to atleast talk over the phone one last it me before she ended it. [/quote]

That’s closure. You got it. You just don’t like it, but it’s there. Disappointment is fine, but denial is not.

[quote]I know she’s ignoring me, but I can’t seem to find a way to blame it all on myself like “May be I pushed her, I should have helped her understand things would work out well in the long run”. Like i said she is easily manipulated, may be i should have helped her with this? [/quote]

It’s not a healthy relationship if you’re manipulating her. 😕

[quote]All this is making it so hard for me to do decide to just stay away. But I have cut all ties so far as you said. Just help me how I can get out of these feelings of denial. How can i stop expecting her to contact me and live my day normal.[/quote]

Again, I’m not sure what you’re denying because you seem to have a pretty good handle on what’s happening. I think you’re confusing denial with disappointment. It’s normal to be disappointed that things didn’t work out, but it’s not healthy to deny the reality. Whether or not you expect her to contact you, you should try to move forward with your life because it’s what’s best for you and for her. 😉 I know it’s difficult, but I also know that you want what’s best for both of you, and that means that you have to do some difficult things. 🙂

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[Ethan Morales]

You’re clearly in a tough emotional spot you’re still invested in someone who is married and no longer available, and her continued contact with you is keeping you stuck. The advice you’ve been given is spot-on: the real issue isn’t her; it’s your attachment and how you’re letting her behavior affect you.

She’s married now. Continuing to engage with her is emotionally self-sabotaging. Any hope of a future with her is gone, and clinging to it keeps you from moving on.

Her actions are selfish, even if unintentional. Calling, emailing, or keeping you engaged while married is not fair to you. It’s okay to feel hurt but it’s not okay to let her behavior dictate your emotional state.

You need boundaries. Stop all contact: block her number, email, and remove her from social media if necessary. You are responsible for protecting your emotional space.

Shift focus to yourself. Once you’ve set boundaries, invest your energy in your own life, hobbies, social circles, and dating people who are available, kind, and aligned with your values.

You’re not being unreasonable for feeling hurt but continuing to interact with her is actively prolonging your pain. She isn’t going to choose you over her marriage, and hoping she might is keeping you stuck in limbo. The healthiest, most empowering action is to cut ties completely, grieve, and move on.

[PassionSeeker]

You’re in pain right now, and that’s completely normal but it’s time to stop giving this person power over your emotions. She isn’t thinking about how her actions affect you, which means you have to protect your peace. That starts by cutting off every channel she uses to reach you: block her number, her email, and any other way she can contact you. You don’t owe her responses or explanations.

Each time you let her back in, even just to “check in,” you reopen a wound that’s trying to heal. She’s married that chapter is done. You can’t move forward while you’re still looking back.

It’s not weakness to feel hurt, but it is strength to set boundaries. Do things that bring you joy again — hang out with friends, focus on hobbies, go out and meet women who are emotionally available.

You deserve someone who respects your heart, not someone who plays with it. Take your time, but take your power back.

[Marcus king]

That’s tough and confusing, I get it. When an ex who’s about to get married still keeps talking to you, it usually means one of two things: they’re emotionally unsure, or they like the attention and comfort you give them. Either way, it’s not fair to you.

[Tara]

She chose her fiancé. Choose yourself. She is not torn, she is selfish. She wants the safety of her engagement and the thrill of your attention at the same time. You are not special to her. You are a distraction she keeps around to feel powerful.

Every message, every call, every “I miss our talks” is manipulation. She is managing your emotions like a side project. She gets validation, you get confusion. That is the entire transaction.
You do not need to be polite.

You need to disappear. Delete her number, block her, ignore everything she sends. Do not respond, do not explain. The second you reply, you tell her you are still available.

[Member]

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