[doc567]

Hi,
I broke up with my ex about a year ago we were planning on getting married, we had no sex or kissing in the time we were together, we broke up on mutual terms because we had different principles in life, anyways long story short, I have not been able to forget about her and I still have feelings for her. She denies any feelings for me but she emails me once in a while when a long time passes without us having made contact. The other day after I had not seen her for 3 months we were with some friends and I was sitting across the table from her. She put her feet up on the chair beside me. She knows I find her feet attractive. Does this mean anything or was it a coincidence?

[AskApril Masini]

You’re grasping at straws. Whether or not her feet on a chair means anything other than she was resting them, or that she was sending you a secret sexual signal is really irrelevant. If you want to get back together with her, ask her out on a date. If she wants to go, you’ll know it because she’ll say yes. Trying to read the hidden meaning of feet on a chair is just going to waste your time. A simple, “Would you like to have dinner with me on Thursday?” will get you an answer a lot quicker! Without the hidden meanings!!

If she says no, then it’s time for you to seriously move on. A year is enough time for you to have dealt with the break up, if you’re going to. Make sure you’re really moving on and not just “not seeing her.” If she doesn’t want to date you any more, then you need to start dating other women. Look for women who do have the same principles in life that you do, since you wrote that that was the breaking point between your ex and yourself. But do start playing the numbers game in dating. If you don’t date, you won’t get to know if an attractive woman is Ms. Right or not!

[doc567]

I’ve asked her to get back together after 2 months of us breaking up but she was dissappointed that it took me so long to ask her and told me no (although i can tell she was choking while saying it). I thought the extra time would give her some space to sort things out. Honestly if there was any chance I don’t want to be the one to make the first move again because last time I tried I sounded desperate and woke up next day hating myself. I guess if you’re saying a year is a long time to get over someone she has already gotten over it as well.

[AskApril Masini]

I’m sorry, but the more you tell me, the more I think she’s over her relationship with you, and after a year, has moved on. It’s time for you to do the same.

It does, however, sound like you have some fear of rejection that may be keeping you from asking out other women, and exploring the world of dating to see if Ms. Right is out there somewhere for you. When you mentioned that you didn’t want to ask your ex out because last time you did, she said no, and you sounded desperate and woke up the next day hating yourself, I got an inkling of this fear.

Please know that when someone rejects you, they’re actually doing you a favor. You have to take a step backwards to see the favor, but the reality is that they’re keeping you from wasting time with someone who’s not interested in you. Not everyone is your soul mate, and if they can save you months of dating in order to find out if they’re the one, with a simple, “No, sorry – I’m not interested,” well, then, they’ve saved you lots of time and possible heartache. The quick sting of their no will become less painful the more you date and understand that in order to find Ms. Right, you have to get out there and ask women out. They’re not all going to say yes to you, in fact, you’re going to have to say no to some of them, when you don’t ask them out for a subsequent date because you’ve discovered they’re not right for you! So know that there is pain in life, but that in order to get to the pleasure of finding true love, you’re going to have to suffer the temporary sting of some “no” along the way.

[Ethan Morales]

April’s right: you’re overanalyzing signals because you still have feelings and miss the connection. Her putting her feet up likely means nothing comfort, habit, not a secret message. When you’re still emotionally tied to someone, your mind hunts for meaning in crumbs.

The only way to know where she stands is directness. Ask her out. If she says yes, you’ve got clarity. If she says no, that’s your closure. A year is long enough to be stuck in limbo it’s time to either restart things intentionally or fully let go and move forward. Stop decoding gestures; start acting with intention.

[Serena Vale]

I know it’s hard to stop wondering if her little actions mean something, especially when you still have feelings for her. But if she’s told you she doesn’t feel the same, it’s best to take her at her word.

Her putting her feet up was probably just comfort or habit, maybe even a little teasing, but not necessarily a sign she wants to get back together. If she did, she’d make that clear.

It sounds like she reaches out just enough to stay in touch, but not enough to start anything real again. That keeps you hanging on, and it’s not fair to you.

You deserve someone who’s sure about you, not someone who leaves you guessing. Try to let this go, you’ll feel lighter when you do.

[Natalie Noah]

You’re holding onto the past instead of focusing on the present. Obsessing over tiny gestures like the positioning of someone’s feet isn’t a meaningful indicator of feelings. It’s tempting to search for hidden signals, especially when your heart hasn’t fully let go, but in reality, this only keeps you stuck in limbo. That foot-on-chair thing could mean nothing, and trying to read meaning into it is preventing you from moving forward emotionally. True clarity comes from direct action, not guessing games.

It also seems like there’s a pattern of fear of rejection affecting your decisions. You waited too long to ask her out after the breakup, and now you’re hesitant to try again because of the memory of that painful “no.” Rejection is not a reflection of your worth it’s information. If she’s not interested, it frees you to spend your energy on someone who is. Lingering on what could be signals or hidden meanings only prolongs the emotional hold she has over you. The key is directness: a simple, straightforward invitation will give you an answer much faster than overanalyzing gestures.

It’s clear you’re still emotionally attached, but it’s important to evaluate whether this attachment is to her or to the idea of her. A year is enough time for both of you to have moved on, and her casual emails suggest she’s maintaining a friendly connection without any serious romantic intent. It’s necessary to confront the reality that she may have emotionally detached from the relationship and that continuing to hope for a reconnection is keeping you from seeing other possibilities. Your energy is better spent exploring the dating world rather than waiting for signs from someone who may have already moved on.

Taking deliberate steps to heal and move forward is crucial. Start dating other women, meet new people, and put yourself in situations where you can experience the joy of connection without obsessing over one person. Rejection isn’t failure. it’s a filter that guides you toward someone truly compatible. The attachment to your ex isn’t a moral failing; it’s just unfinished emotional work. By shifting focus to your own growth, emotional independence, and new experiences, clarity will come, and meaningful, reciprocal love will become possible.

[Member]

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