[Anonymous]

Hi April,

I have been in this situation where I have just started speaking to one of my good guy friends (we’ve known each other for about 14 yrs now) about 2 months ago (online), and since then, we have become closer and closer. I live at one end of the country and he lives at the other end. We chat about 30mins to 1hr almost everyday and he sends me nice little messages through facebook, almost every morning before going to work. He tells me compliments all the time, saying I’m hot and that I’m different and that there’s something about me and I love it. However, he has a girlfriend which he’s been with for 7 yrs on and off. Based on what he has been telling me, his relationship is very dysfunctional. They have lived together but he has moved out twice already. He is now living on his own, but still considered her boyfriend. He tells me he likes me a lot all the time and that he wants to see me and touch me. I know he had a huge crush on me in highschool, and that since we’ve started talking again, I believe this crush has come back. However, I’m not sure what I should do with this relationship. Sometimes our conversations get pretty sexual in content and we both enjoy it. However, I feel bad cause he has a girlfriend. And I don’t want to ask him to break up with her cause I’m at the other end of the country. I do plan on moving closer to him within 6 mths or so, but I’m not sure if he’ll leave her by then. I myself have broke up with my long-term boyfriend of 10 yrs due to falling out of love with him, but rest assured that my friend has nothing to do with that. I have been depressed for quite a while now but find that speaking with my friend gives me something to look forward to everyday. I just feel happier now that I have these feelings for him. I just don’t want to be the other woman forever. I have told my friend that I believe I’m falling in love with him, and he told me he thinks he feels the same but that there’s so much in the way right now. Do you think he’ll leave his girlfriend when I move back close to my home town? What do you think I should do about this whole situation? To be truthful, I really don’t want this to stop. But I will want more eventually though.

[AskApril Masini]

If you’re depressed after the break up of your ten year relationship, it’s understandable that a man’s attention makes you feel good. The problem is that it’s a short term fix. If that’s all your looking for, then you’ve found what you need, but if you’re looking for more than that, a man with a girlfriend who is prone to dysfunction, is not your best bet. 🙁

I really believe that you already know he’s not right for you because he’s with someone else, lives across the country, and has been in a long term dysfunctional relationship — and still is. Those three things in combo make him Mr. Wrong. 😳

The problem you have is that you want a boyfriend and you’re lonely. It’s more work to try and find someone who’s Mr. Right than it is to find someone who’s Mr. RIght Now. I’d love to see you going on actual dates and aiming yourself towards bigger happiness than a band aid feel good fix. I know he’s a long time friend, but those are the guys that fly under the radar because you don’t put them to the same standards you would someone new.

Check out my book, Think & Date Like A Man, that you can purchase at Barnes & Noble, Amazon, or right here at this link: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url], because I think you’ll get a lot out of it at this time in your life.

Let me know how things go, and consider following me @AskAprilcom on Twitter where I tweet highlights from this site. You can also friend me on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[Anonymous]

Hi April,

Thank you for your input on this. I will check out your book and see what I’ll decide to do with myself 🙂

[AskApril Masini]

Definitely get the book. You can buy it online at the link I gave you and it will download automatically so you can start reading right away. I think it’s going to help you a lot.

Also, please follow me on Twitter @AskAprilcom and join me on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[Anonymous]

Hi April,

I did read part of your book (didn’t finish it yet), but a lot has happened since I sent you a message last. My friend and I have started getting closer quite quickly. Our relationship has become very intimate (although online) and we were at a point where we were talking online everyday. I told him I was falling for him and he told me a couple weeks ago that he loved me too. The problem is that he has decided to break off our relationship (last week), saying that it’s too much. He says he broke up with his girlfriend but that he doesn’t think she knows about it yet, as they hadn’t spoke. I don’t know what he’s waiting for. When I spoke to him last, I basically told him I was going to come visit him but he said not too because it was a bad idea (saying that he didn’t trust himself with me, cause I turn him on so much). However, he said he still wants to be friends. The next day after my last talk with him, he deactivated his facebook account and I never heard back from him since. I have called him last weekend and he never called me back. And now, I’m so upset about his behaviour that I sent him an email saying that he broke my trust in him as I thought he was a true friend. I still haven’t heard back from him after this email. I don’t know what to think. Did he mean it when he said he loves me (he did tell me a few times he meant it)? I don’t know why he needs to avoid me like this… I’m starting to think he isn’t the person I thought he was and that he was playing me all this time. I heard from a friend that he is a sweet-talker, but I never thought he would do this to me. Is this possible? I know a relationship with this guy is not a good idea, but I don’t want our friendship to end because of us crossing the line… What should I do? How long should I wait before contacting him again?

[Anonymous]

Hi April,

I did read part of your book (didn’t finish it yet), but a lot has happened since I sent you a message last. My friend and I have started getting closer quite quickly. Our relationship has become very intimate (although online) and we were at a point where we were talking online everyday. I told him I was falling for him and he told me a couple weeks ago that he loved me too. The problem is that he has decided to break off our relationship (last week), saying that it’s too much. He says he broke up with his girlfriend but that he doesn’t think she knows about it yet, as they hadn’t spoke. I don’t know what he’s waiting for. When I spoke to him last, I basically told him I was going to come visit him but he said not too because it was a bad idea (saying that he didn’t trust himself with me, cause I turn him on so much). However, he said he still wants to be friends. The next day after my last talk with him, he deactivated his facebook account and I never heard back from him since. I have called him last weekend and he never called me back. And now, I’m so upset about his behaviour that I sent him an email saying that he broke my trust in him as I thought he was a true friend. I still haven’t heard back from him after this email. I don’t know what to think. Did he mean it when he said he loves me (he did tell me a few times he meant it)? I don’t know why he needs to avoid me like this… I’m starting to think he isn’t the person I thought he was and that he was playing me all this time. I heard from a friend that he is a sweet-talker, but I never thought he would do this to me. Is this possible? I know a relationship with this guy is not a good idea, but I don’t want our friendship to end because of us crossing the line… What should I do? How long should I wait before contacting him again?

[AskApril Masini]

Stop contacting him and finish reading Think & Date Like A Man [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url]. In fact, re-read it. It’s hard for me to believe that you bought and read it based on your behavior.

You’re acting like a drama queen who is desperate for attention. Don’t contact him any more until you re-read Think & Date Like A Man.

THEN let me know if you’ve changed your thoughts (and hopefully behavior, too) towards this man and others. 😉

I hope you’ll follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter!

[Member]

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