[TJ7108]

My ex and I broke up in January after a failed reconcilation. We share a son. One month ago she emails me to tell me she loves me and misses me. I was shocked. I was over her. When I went to pick up our son at the place we always do, she said to me, point blank that she loves me but someone is living with her and shes not happy with him but needs time and patience to get him out. We email/text quite a bit until he finds these emails/texts. He even texts me to tell me that he loves her and she loves him. So now I am quite confused. This is now the end of July. But she still sends emails telling me she loves me and only me, and asking questions about how it would be like if we got back together. I had sold a piece of real estate and, as a sign of whatever, I gave her $1000 for her birthday. That weekend, her daughters spent the weekend with me, our son and my daughter from a previous relationship. We all had a good weekend. Two days later I get an email from her saying that I grilled the girls about her and her boyfriend and how dare I drag them into this mess, she told me how mad she was at me….it went on and on (the girls and I just talked), and of course they like me better than her live in because I bought them treats, etc. Then she says shes concerned about all the emails I was sending her (yes, I was over zealous with email) and that she doesnt have time to return them let alone the 5 more i would send and she found it overwhelming, that she asked for time and patience and to go slow but I kept on pressing on. And I havent heard from her in 2 weeks…but 3 weeks ago she was emailing all the time. i dont understand. Yes, i did send too much email and yes I did say too much maybe, but I was confused and reacting to what she was sending me…she kept on promising to return one certain email with serious questions from a MONTH ago and now she wont even talk to me.

I am confused, feel used and I dont know what to do. Even at our pick up/drop off’s her bf comes because he doesnt trust her and I alone, therefore I cant even communicate with her then either.

She really drew me back in by her words and her intent may be true but her actions arent speaking very loudly ie kicking bf out, etc.

Thanks for reading
T

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You have to take responsibility for your part in this situation. She is clearly confused — [i]but you are engaging someone who is clearly confused[/i], and to make it worse, you’re pinning your hopes and investing your time on someone [i]who is living with her boyfriend.[/i] 😕

My advice is to back off and move on. She’s not single and she’s not available. On top of that, she’s confused, and confused people can’t help but mess around with others because they are messing around with themselves! Continue to be a good father and be cordial and civil with her and her family, but as for a romantic relationship, she’s not stable right now. Move on.

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

[TJ7108]

April, I really appreciate you taking the time to tell me that, its what I think I knew all along but just wouldnt believe. Its very hard when someone tells you they love them while they are living with someone else; like I am her safety net. And even harder to co-parent like that too. I just have to be that much stronger and be that much braver and face it head on, every day.

Thanks again.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re welcome!

Look at the situation from a different angle. When you’re given a life changing experience it’s not necessarily just a bummer. It’s a gift to guide you onto a higher road so you can live your life with more character. This, in turn, will attract people with better character to you!

I’m not suggesting you send her a fruit basket, thanking her for being so messed up because her mess is making you see a better life for yourself! 😆 But I am suggesting that you use this opportunity to do things differently, to live better. You’ll end up a better father, a better ex and a better lover and future husband for someone else by imposing and using healthy boundaries! 😉

Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

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