"April Masini answers questions no one else can and tells you the truth that no one else will."

Feel used

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  • #5290
    Wednesday87
    Member #156,529

    I’ve been seeing a man that I met online for a few weeks. I got ahead of myself a bit. I haven’t dated for a year and the last time I briefly dated someone I had no chemistry with [rebound]. This guy asked me to be exclusive like the second time I met him. I was unsure. I really messed up and slept with him too soon. He said from the start that he wanted a relationship. I regret it. Yet he always just wants me to come over and sleep over. I feel used. He said we would do fun stuff together. I feel fooled.

    We had a fight. He said that I don’t open enough. I mean I thought men were supposed to like mystery? He got angry and said that he never waits and waiting to have sex is dumb. I should’ve gone home at that point. I don’t know if it’s just my baggage, but I feel paranoid. He asked me to be exclusive, yet his profile is still up. He has been acting weird already. He ditched me on the weekend for “work”. Even though I thought he only worked 9-5. He was also texting someone right in front of me for bed. He asked me to come over. I suggested we go out and do something non sexual. And all I got was a lame excuse. I’m angry at him.He said he was the opposite of this.

    #23953
    AskApril Masini
    Keymaster

    I’m sorry you feel used. Do you have a question for me?

    #23926
    Wednesday87
    Member #156,529

    He asked me to be exclusive (pretty early) but he still has his profile up. I also regret rushing to sleeping with him too soon.

    #23931
    Wednesday87
    Member #156,529

    He seems to want me to sleep over and not much else.

    #23805
    AskApril Masini
    Keymaster

    If you have a question, I’m happy to answer it for you! Do you have a question?

    #23107
    Wednesday87
    Member #156,529

    How do I get him to do more than just sleep with me?

    #23108
    Wednesday87
    Member #156,529

    How do I get him to do more than just sleep together. Nothings worked yet.

    #23422
    Wednesday87
    Member #156,529

    How do I fix this?

    #23099
    AskApril Masini
    Keymaster

    What, exactly, do you want to fix?

    Him? You? The past?

    #23100
    AskApril Masini
    Keymaster

    What, exactly, do you want to fix?

    Him? You? The past?

    #23073
    Wednesday87
    Member #156,529

    I suggest doing something non sexual and I get rejected. Do you understand? I wanted to date, not be someone’s booty call.

    #23743
    AskApril Masini
    Keymaster

    I know you want to be a date and not a booty call. I got that. And you know what I know what everyone knows, that if you sleep with him too soon, which you know you did, then he’s going to think of you as a booty call. There’s not really a trick here. 😕 When you suggested doing something non-sexual, he rejected you. Still no surprise here. He isn’t into you as anything more than a booty call. 😳

    I was hoping you had a specific question I could help you with. You spelled out your feelings perfectly, but I think you know what you did…. and your feelings are justified. But you confused him. You slept with him too soon — and then you turned the tables on him. You weren’t clear.

    My advice is that you let guys know who you are and what you want by your behavior. That way, you’ll attract — and reject — people who aren’t compatible with you.

    I hope that helps. I’m still not sure what your question is — just that you feel bad about what happened and you know why. 😥

    #23799
    Wednesday87
    Member #156,529

    I want to date, not be someones FWB

    #23886
    AskApril Masini
    Keymaster

    Then, be one! 😉

    It shouldn’t difficult to do.

    #48162
    Ethan Morales
    Member #382,560

    Your feelings of being used and disappointed are completely valid. You expected a relationship that included fun, emotional connection, and shared experiences but instead, the dynamic has leaned heavily toward sex and convenience. That disconnect naturally creates frustration, hurt, and suspicion, especially when his actions (like keeping his profile active or texting someone else in front of you) contradict his words about exclusivity.

    t’s important to recognize that the speed at which intimacy happened set a tone for how he perceives the relationship. April Masini points this out: when sex happens very early, some people unconsciously categorize the relationship as primarily physical. That doesn’t mean you’re “wrong” or to blame it just shaped his perception. The confusion comes from a mismatch between what you want emotionally and how he interprets the situation behaviorally.

    his refusal to engage in non-sexual activities and consistent prioritizing of convenience over quality time is a red flag. This pattern indicates that he may not be interested in a deeper emotional connection. You suggested a clear alternative doing something fun together outside the bedroom and he rejected it. Actions like that are far more telling than words about who he really is and what he’s looking for.

    the healthiest move is to set firm boundaries and align your behavior with your desires. If you want a relationship with emotional connection and fun activities, you need to signal that clearly through your choices and limit interactions that reinforce a purely physical dynamic. This protects your emotional well-being and helps attract people whose intentions truly match yours. Right now, it’s clear he isn’t demonstrating compatibility with what you want.

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