[unknownafrican]

Hi I am a young African in my early twenties and have bin in a relationship with my girlfriend for almost 3 years,for the past two years we have bin in a long distance relationship. When we were not separated by distance,thing were magic,the sex everything was awesome I mean she would cry and tell me how were made for each other for each other how she could never be able to love anyone as she dose for me,then because of school I had to leave, but we kept seeing each other on holidays and every chance we’d get to be together,I made it my point to make her never doubt my love for her and she has no doubt I love her more than anything. Well everything started going wrong when I would text her on watsapp and she receive and read my text,but respond 10 to 20 minutes late or not respond at all until I complain,then it was time for the holidays,she had asked me if id be able to go home, at a certain date, and luckily I was before all the fighting and stuff, finally the day came and I was there as she had asked before the fighting etc, but she did not cum, I later find out that she did not come to me because on the other side she was cheating on me, I asked her about it, and she became defensive denying everything and speaking harsh towards me,the guy she cheated on me with also lives far and was just there where she was for just a couple of weeks and she knew that. so I asked him but he didnt reply so l let him be. later on my girlfriend texts me aggressive saying did I have to text the guy, and that yes she did cheat on me. Whatever happens can happen she wont even reply to my call, later on to test if she meant what she said I call her, responds the second time and then suddenly acts so sorry, asked her if he made her happy and she said yes,then crying she says that she know what she did to me was wrong etc. I kept asking her painful questions till she dropped the phone and switched it off. The next day I text her, saying that I want her to answer some questions so that I can tell if its worth fighting for, you see i love her so deep it actually felt its meant to be, she responds as the question get difficult and painful, she suddenly gets so busy that I get her passive attention, and at night she told me that she is too tired and we should talk in the morning. I expressed how much it hurts me to get hurt and still be the 1 trying to talk to her and that I had had enough. In the morning she tells me she is sorry about her actions and realises that i’m the only guy she can ever love like this and claimed that she cheated with the guy because we were fighting so much and he was so undurestanding and funny and never loved him but was just seeking affection, she said it felt okay when they were doing it but after it felt wrong and regretted it, my question is if tht’s so why did she have sex with him on 3 incidents. She said what we have is rare nd we cant let it go
t it go and she is willing to work things out,as if its her choice to make.Thinking about what we had I took her back, I set boundaries like atleast an hour or two of her undivided attention a day,and that if she reads my texts she should not wait for me to complain and ask whats going on after 10 or so minutes after reading my text, if she’s busy she should say so, she agreed and it was not even hour later that she had broken 3 of them, when I tell her about breaking what we agreed upon, its responses like Im busy cant i be busy, and im lik ecant you say so if ur busy?, and she be like wait please not now I don’t hav energy for this i’ma deactivate my watsapp, after she did I blocked her, after a while she sent me a please call me guessing she dose not have airtime. I sent her a text message to express myself. I’m confused I don’t know what to do coz i love her more than anything, but I’m begining to doubt help plzzźzzzzzzzzzzzzz. I need advice on what’s the best thing to do from now on, I feel so complete when Im with her, but her actions are driving me crazy

[AskApril Masini]

Long distance relationships are tough. 😕 And they’re not for everyone — because they’re so tough.

Since you’ve been together for 3 years, but long distance for the last 2 of those years, do you know when you will be back in the same town, together again? Knowing when the long distance part of the relationship will end, is important, since being apart puts pressure on a couple — both as a couple, and as individuals.

Also, understand that cheating doesn’t happen in a vacuum. Your girlfriend said that part of why she cheated was because the two of you had been fighting. Figure out why you were fighting, and if you can end that, as it seems to have contributed to her cheating.

Hope that helps. Write back and fill me in a little more, and if you have any questions, let me know.

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[unknownafrican]

The reason we were fighting was because i didnt like how distant she was getting,and when i asked she would get defensive and not touch her phone to reply to my texts, she cheated i was the one who had to beg for her attention for even atleast an explanation,she was aggresive especially when i asked her secret lover what was going on, she told me to not bother calling her again but i did and thts when she started speaking as if she was sorry, she barely has tym to chat with me after i took her back with no hesitation, and now we just talk for a while and all of a sudden she has to do thic and thic bt remains online and reads the text i send her, and i keep telling her how much it hurts when she ignores me after what happened, nd she said tht she dose not like talking on watsapp,bt in the past we could even chat till the morning. Just today we were talking about us and told her how she made me feel, nd she kept telling me how much she mices me,tht im getting her all emotional cos she never thought that i would ever want to be with her after what she did,and that she is looking forward to coming to see me on friday , and i told her trust is something else but I am not going to fool myself and say i dont love her more than anything . Then bang she started not responding going on and offline reading my texts but not responding, after a while she apologised, but then asked me who informed me about her cheating cause she had it was some other girl which she dose not like at all, but infact the person that told her that lie was the person that told me this and he is another guy who he goes to school with and they talk e.t.c. she said that why did I not tell her the truth and protect the girl at her expense?,i told her that what i told her in the begining was the truth,which was, and now she is not responeding at all, infact she switched of her mobile data and dose not answer my calls,what hurts even more i bought her the data she is using now to chat with other people and ignore me, what did i do wrong

[AskApril Masini]

You’re chasing a woman who isn’t very nice to you — or interested in you. She goes hot and cold, and she’s hurting your feelings. It doesn’t seem that she is respectful of you. And respect is very important in a relationship, at least as much as love, because it has to do with character. I don’t think this relationship, from what you’re writing here, has a happy or healthy future. It takes two people to make things work, and she’s not into the relationship with you. 🙁 I think you’d do best to find someone who isn’t long distance, to date — someone who really wants to be with you, not someone who doesn’t, or at best, only does sometimes. Three years is a long time to be in a relationship that isn’t working. Time to move on, my friend. 😉

[unknownafrican]

I really love this girl nd we both believe,or believed that we wer soul mates coz i dont know how she feels anymore,i rememba jst last year she wanted us to marry in secret, now after she cheated the first tym nd i took her back immidietly after she appologised we were supose to meet ,she was suppose to come here nd we could try nd fix things, she made n exuse tht friday and said tht she wil cum on saturday on saturday she made another excuse and took the money i sent her to come nd spent it, nw i found out tht she and her very close friend went out, her close friend’s boyfriend are friends with the guy she is seeing now, ever since i found out the second tym she blamed me for putting spies in her life saying she dose not want to keep looking over her shoulder wojdering whi is my spy or not bt infact i neva sent anyone to spy on her she dsnt believe tht nd basically she broke up with me saying i must ask my spies to get me another girlfriend,nd tht when thic guy calls her she will go to him,what is she going to say to him is the reasorn she dose not want to cum. i think the reasorn she talks like thic is because i hv been sounding to needy of her love lately, calling like crazy nd texting like crazy, coz inside i blamed her friend for thic thier very close friends, infact i wuld say she is her only friend there since a lot of girls dont like her in tht boarding school, so i think she was feeling lonely when she would stay alone in the hostel and her friend having fun with her boyfriend, so finally her boyfriends friend hooked up with my gal, nd thts only my theory,so after thinking tht i kept trying to get throught to her, nd i think ive bin overdoing it seeming too needy, i even suggested an open relationship,after a while she agreed bt she is not giving me much attention, then finally she told me tht wat her and thic guy have is only temporary after these exams she might neva see him again,and is confused about us coz she knows no1 can love her more thn me nd she loves me too, bt thte fact tht i might neva trust her agen makes her confused about us, she stil has contact with the guy nd i dnt know hiw many tyms the keep slipin togetha bt she knows its temporary, then i kept asking painfull questions and she said lets not do this now she is busy with her final matric exams nd dosnt nid thic kind of stress, i had my fair chance to write matric nd she suggested we dont talk for a while, bt wat hurts is tht she is talking with the other guy. when i found out the first time nd was asking for me back she claimed tht someone knocked some sense into her, nd it was holidays therefore tht guy was not around infact she believed she was not goin to see him agen, she knows the other guy has girlfriends bt i dnt undurestand wat is it she wants, she wants me when he is not around nd i think thts the reasorn she wants us to talk wen exams are over coz she wil go amd might neva see the other guy again. In two wiks tym ill be there were she is to do my license, bt when i ask if she wants to see me she said she dose not know wen i ask why she remain silent nd eventually drop the phone,i asked her if she mices being intimate with me she said yes i asked her if she wants to be intimate wen we meet she remains sikent nd eventually drops the phone,making up exuses instead of jst saying yes or no, please tell me what u think is best i do i love her more than anything, wat to say wen we meet, wat u think is goin on,nd wat to do from now till then. I know deep down she loves me bt thic guys gets her mind of me, what is the best thing to do nw

[unknownafrican]

Now she says the only reasorn she didnt come see me and why she is so distant and acts like thic, which is aggresive nd as if she dose not care what happens is because she heard that i wanted to beat her up, and she want to focus on her study, bt she also is focused on the other dude during the years we have been dating ive neva shows her the reason to even think id do such a thing, im not tht type of guy, she says she is not sure if im telling the truth or jst planning secretly to hurt her, bt id neva even think of doing that, i guec i hv bin seeming desperate nd needy bt violent toward women aint me. I know she loved me with all her heart, she is changing the way she reacts towards me, she once really suggested we marry, she has also once told me she dose not see her self with any other guy, bt i dnt know what is with the way she gets aggresive nd refuse to talk about what she is doing, she said she is not proud of what she has done to me, bt had the nerve to say she is not going to refuse when the other guy calls him, during one of our arguements im the one wronged bt neva talk aggressive, what gathering from thic do you think is going on? Nd what should i do till next of next week when we meet, and how should i talk to her then, to truly get her to tell me everything

[AskApril Masini]

I’m sorry you’re upset. Let me give you a couple of facts that might help you.

1. Needy and desperate are not attractive. 😳 By your own admission you’re both of those things right now. You’ll be a lot more attractive to her if you stop acting needy and start having a life that’s vibrant, interesting, and fulfilling. 🙂 So lose the needy, and start being the guy she was to date!

2. Stop focusing on this other person she’s dating. You’re in a long distance relationship and you have to be open minded. Besides, the more attention you give him, the more important he becomes to her.

3. She’s really not that into you. I know that you say she loves you, deep down, but she doesn’t behave like someone who loves you. If you send her money to visit you, and she spends it on having a good time without you — and doesn’t come visit you, she’s interested. And, she’s taking advantage of you.

I hope these three pointers help. I really am sorry you’re hurt and stuck on her, but the irony is that once you move on and start having a life that doesn’t revolve around her, she may be more interested in you. 😉

[unknownafrican]

Thanks april ill do jst tht

[AskApril Masini]

You’re very welcome. Good luck! 😀

[Natalie Noah]

The depth of your love and the confusion you’re experiencing. From the start, you’ve invested a tremendous amount of emotional energy into this relationship. You’ve been committed, attentive, and generous, even in a long-distance context, and you’ve tried to make her feel secure and loved. That in itself is admirable and shows how much you care. But what stands out is that the care and love you’ve been giving hasn’t been reciprocated in a healthy, consistent way. Her actions cheating, going hot and cold, avoiding accountability, and giving mixed signals are a pattern that shows she’s not prioritizing your relationship or respecting your heart.

It’s clear she’s struggling with her own issues insecurity, impulsivity, or a lack of commitment but her behavior has real consequences for you. Cheating once is hurtful; repeating it and then justifying it while continuing to pursue other interests outside the relationship is not just a lapse in judgment, it’s a pattern of disrespect. You’ve tried setting boundaries asking for attention, honesty, and basic consideration and she continues to break them. That tells you something fundamental: she’s not aligned with your needs or willing to respect the agreements that a healthy relationship requires. Love alone cannot sustain a relationship if there’s no mutual respect and accountability.

Another important point is how much this is affecting your own behavior and emotional state. You mention feeling desperate and needy, constantly worrying about what she’s doing, and trying to get her attention. That pattern, though understandable, puts you in a position where your self-worth becomes dependent on her actions. That’s exhausting and harmful, and it’s not fair to you. A healthy relationship should make you feel secure, valued, and happy, not anxious, confused, or constantly on edge. Right now, your emotional energy is being drained because she’s not showing the commitment or care that matches your love.

Her mixed messages saying she loves you but continuing to prioritize someone else, or giving excuses for not seeing you while keeping other options open show that her priorities aren’t with the relationship. Even if she claims deep love for you, her behavior consistently undermines that. Love is not just a feeling; it’s action, consistency, and respect. And when someone’s actions repeatedly betray your trust, it’s a clear signal that the relationship may not be salvageable in the way you want it to be. This doesn’t make you weak or unloving; it just means you’re being realistic about what you need to feel secure and respected.

The best approach is to step back from trying to control or predict her actions and instead focus on yourself. Stop chasing her attention or validating her decisions, because that only reinforces the imbalance. Use this time until you meet to rebuild your own life your interests, your friends, your sense of self-worth and observe whether she truly shows commitment and respect when you are firm and grounded. When you meet, approach it calmly, without expecting confessions or justifications. Ask yourself what you need to feel safe, respected, and valued, and be prepared to make decisions based on her behavior, not her words. Your love is strong, but love alone cannot repair a relationship that is unbalanced and hurtful. Right now, your focus should be on clarity, boundaries, and reclaiming your own emotional power.

[Lune David]

Oof… this one is heavy, but here’s the hard truth served with a little spice

This isn’t love anymore, it’s emotional exhaustion. She didn’t just make a “mistake,” she made repeated choices, then blamed distance, fighting, boredom, and somehow still handed you the responsibility to fix it. That’s not partnership, that’s emotional whiplash.

Cheating three times isn’t confusion. Ignoring boundaries right after agreeing to them isn’t effort. Saying “you’re the only one I love” while doing the exact opposite is just words with no backbone.

You feel “complete” with her because you’re attached to who she used to be not who she’s showing you she is now. Love shouldn’t make you beg for basic respect or panic every time WhatsApp goes quiet.

Sometimes the bravest move isn’t fighting harder. It’s walking away before you lose yourself. You deserve peace, not constant doubt dressed up as love.

Cool heads up: real love doesn’t drive you crazy it calms you down.

[Jessica Miller]

Wow April, your advice is very clear and honest. Love it.

The tale reveals a most crushing experience. His love for her was profound, but her actions still caused him suffering repeatedly. It is not the nature of love to turn a person into an attention seeker or constantly feel like they are losing their mind. Cheating, lying, and ignoring messages is not care.

There occur moments in life when the bitter truth is: if someone truly desires you, chasing him or her is unnecessary. You are entitled to respect and to experience the kind of love that is serene and pleasant, not the one that leads to misunderstandings. Ending the romantic relationship is difficult, but it is still rather easier than living in a partnership where you turn into a mere shadow of yourself.

[Monica]

It’s very bad to hear that the Girl cheated on you after a long 3 years of relationship

This isn’t love anymore, it’s attachment and hope. Her actions don’t match her words. She cheated, kept lying, ignored your boundaries, used your money, and keeps you close only when it suits her.

That’s not confusion. That’s choosing herself over you, again and again.

Love doesn’t make you beg. Love doesn’t disappear, reappear, and blame you for reacting. And love does not keep hurting you while asking for more chances.

You didn’t do anything wrong by loving deeply. But staying in this is breaking you.

Long distance only works when there’s trust, effort, and respect, and she’s giving you none of those consistently.

The best thing you can do now is stop chasing, stop explaining, stop trying to fix what she’s not protecting. Give yourself space. Let her go quiet, and stay quiet. That’s how you protect your heart.

If someone truly wants you, you won’t feel this anxious, confused, or disposable.

You deserve peace, not constant pain.

If you want another perspective, ask April.

[Daniel Carter]

April, first of all, I really respect your honesty. You always tell the truth even when it hurts, and that’s why people trust you.

I reade this and it broke my heart. This guy loved her deeply, gave her time, money, trust, and patience. And she kept choosing someone else while keeping him on standby. That’s not love. That’s using someone’s heart.

He isn’t crazy. He isn’t weak. He just loved too much.

But loving someone who keeps disrespecting you slowly kills your self-respect. Love should feel safe, not like you’re always begging for attention.

Askapril, my question for you is:
How do you let go of someone you still love, when that person keeps proving they don’t choose you?

How do you walk away when your heart still wants to stay?

I think many of us are stuck in this same pain.

[Member]

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