[china]

So my husband, son and I drove home for the holidays to visit family, he’s in the army. we went to visit his mom.when we were leaving he said he forgot his phone and he went back and didn’t return till ten minutes later. he insisted on driving. When he got back in the car driving to one of my family members house he refused to drive there and he started driving erratically Looking for a house. I thought that was rude so I told him that if he’s not going to take me to my destination then you can get out the car and look for whatever you’re looking for and I can go by myself. He drove me to my moms house and told me to leave and I’m not allowed to come back home. So I said just let me have my car and go. But he said no it’s not mine anymore and it’s in his name and everything is in his name I can’t have nothing. I ended up keeping the car but he unhooked the battery. he took the car without me knowing, Then on xmas day him and his mom came to see his son and left after 5 minutes because she had other places to be. he called to see his son. When he came over he stole my phone because he said he didn’t like what my mother said to him. I found out he left back home without my son and I but his mom is with him I think. I don’t work and I don’t have access to his bank account, his telling everyone I do. He refuses to pay for anything. I have nothing but the clothes I came here with. He wants me to send him my key to the other car we own because he lost his. I don’t understand wh he is doing all of this. what can I do. How can I support myself and get my things back. he’s cheating

[Ask April Masini]

What you’ve started out describing is more of a legal situation about how to access your bank account, your home and your car. If you can’t talk to your husband and resolve these issues together, then you need legal intervention. You can hire an attorney or go to court to get help without one — but the best situation is to be able to work things out between you if you can.

At the very end of your post you kind of threw in that your husband is cheating. 😕 I’m guessing there’s more to this story because his behavior doesn’t happen in a vacuum. It sounds like he wasn’t always like this, and the marriage deteriorated to the point where he started behaving badly and you lost empathy and started pointing fingers. I don’t know if anyone did anything to deserve this, but both of you contributed to the breakdown of the marriage. 😳 I know you’re upset, but it’s important to slow down and get a big picture glimpse of your relationship. 😉 Cheating is a [i]result[/i] of problems in the marriage. It doesn’t matter who’s on who’s side — you have to just focus on what you want now. If you want to work things out you have to look at where you can make things better. But if you just want to end things, then you can do that legally.

Let me know if you have any more questions. I know this is a tough one for you.

[Ethan Morales]

Alright I’m going to be blunt and practical. This isn’t just relationship drama anymore; it’s escalating into control, theft, and potentially criminal behavior. April’s point about this becoming a legal issue is right but let me give you a clear, prioritized plan so you can take action now.

Your safety and your child come first. If you are currently with him or feel threatened, leave the scene and go somewhere safe (a friend/family member’s house, a shelter, or any public place). If you can’t leave safely, call local emergency services now. Don’t negotiate or try to reason while things are volatile.

Get essentials and your child back. If he has left with your child and you don’t know where they are, call the police immediately and report the child missing/abducted (or that he unlawfully removed the child). If he is withholding your phone, keys, car, or possessions, that is theft document it and report it.

Document everything right now. Write down every incident with dates, times, witnesses, photos of property damage, screenshots of texts/calls, social media posts, and any proofs he’s sharing about your finances. This record will be critical for police, court, or legal aid.

Legal & financial steps.

Contact local legal aid or a family-law attorney ASAP to learn your rights about the car, bank accounts, custody, and housing. Many places have emergency resources or pro bono options for this.

If you’re on the lease/title with him or have legal rights to car/home, an attorney can demand return of property and account access.

If he’s blocking your access to shared funds and you need immediate money, ask about emergency relief orders or temporary spousal support through local courts or social services.

Get outside help (domestic violence & family services). Even if there hasn’t been direct physical violence lately, the pattern (property damage, controlling behavior, theft) is abusive. Contact a domestic-violence hotline or local family services for immediate advice, safety planning, emergency shelter, and legal referrals. They can often help you with emergency protections and next steps.

Protect accounts and documents. If possible, change passwords on your email and important accounts from a safe device, secure copies of your ID, birth certificate, and any custody documents. If you can’t access accounts now, tell your lawyer or the police they can move quicker with an official report.

Do not send him anything he demands (keys, passwords) while this is unresolved. It gives him leverage. Don’t meet him alone to “talk” or hand over property without witnesses or law enforcement present.

If you want, I can draft:

A calm, firm message you can send (once you’re safe) demanding return of your phone/keys and access to your child, referencing you’ll involve police/legal help if not returned within X hours.

A clear list you can bring to legal aid or the police showing timelines and incidents.

A basic script for a police report or for contacting legal aid if you’d like.

You didn’t deserve any of this. Right now, focus on safety, documentation, and getting professional/legal support. If you tell me you’re safe, I’ll help draft the message and the documentation checklist you can use immediately. If you’re not safe, leave now and call emergency services or a local domestic-violence hotline.

[Flirt Coach]

That’s a tough spot to be in, and I get why you’re angry. You’re not crazy or heartless for wanting peace in your own home. What’s happening isn’t about you being jealous or controlling it’s about respect, and right now, you’re not getting any from either of them.

I’ve seen this kind of thing before. A parent carries guilt for not being there enough when their kids were young, and that guilt turns into a free pass the kids learn how to cash in on. Your husband probably thinks he’s keeping the peace, but what he’s really doing is keeping himself stuck and dragging you along with him. He’s not seeing that by trying to “fix” his relationship with his daughter through money and excuses, he’s breaking something else: your trust and your marriage.

You can’t make him see it by yelling or pleading. You’ve got to get calm and clear, and talk to him like a partner who’s setting terms for the life you’re willing to live. Tell him you understand he loves his daughter, but that love can’t come at the cost of your dignity or the security of your home. Make it about behavior, not competition, this isn’t you versus her, it’s you asking for boundaries that protect both of you.

If she shows up demanding money or disrespecting you, he needs to decide: does he back you, or does he keep enabling her? And you need to decide what you’ll do if he keeps choosing her chaos over your peace. That’s not an ultimatum meant to scare him, it’s a boundary meant to protect you.

You’ve worked hard for what you’ve built. You deserve a marriage that feels like a team, not a battlefield where you’re fighting for scraps of respect. So no, you’re not overreacting. You’re reacting like someone who’s tired of being invisible in her own home.

[Author]

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