[moonbunny001]

My boyfriend and I have been dating now for three years now I’m 19 he’s 20 and we’ve had a good relationship, however recently he has acquired a new group of friends whom are all high school kids around 17. At first I thought it was weird but I let him party and hang out with them but said he had to be home before midnight cause we had classes and work.

Now only two months into the friendship his friends are putting words in his head saying I’m controlling and and well a female dog. This caused him and I to grow apart and now every time we see each other we fight about what his teenage friends have said.

Our last fight was about him smoking a hookah in which he lied about doing it; which I was distraught over. Now his friends are calling for him to leave me and he’s stuck between me and them. I want everything to work out but, I’m almost to the point of saying me or them. What should I do?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

[quote]At first I thought it was weird but I let him party and hang out with them but said he had to be home before midnight cause we had classes and work. [/quote]

Wait a minute…. You’re 19 and he’s 20 and you LET HIM hang out with his friends??? 😯 And then you said HE HAD TO BE HOME BEFORE MIDNIGHT….??? 😯 You sound like you’re the mother of a teenager. I think his friends may be right. 😕

[moonbunny001]

I didn’t mean it like that, I meant it as a way to say I didn’t argue with what he wanted. Please though no criticism only helpful responses on how to fix my problem.

Thanks,
Moonbunny001

[April Masini, your AskApril]

He lied to you about the hookah pipe because he thinks that if he tells you the truth, you’re going to disapprove and scold him and he doesn’t want to face that. He’s trying to break away from your control by not telling you the truth and putting his friends first because they don’t disapprove of his behavior. The dynamic you have is one of a parent and a teenager and my advice is to relax out of that dynamic. If he feels he can be truthful with you without scolding, then he won’t lie. If he thinks he’s going to be disappointing you, he’ll avoid you. Men want to feel that their women are proud of them and love and respect them. If you follow that lead, you’ll get to a better place with him then are you are.

I hope that’s helpful. 😀

[moonbunny001]

Thank you it was very helpful.

However, I don’t scold him I never have for anything he’s done no matter how stupid it was. I just want him to see that I’m going to be here in the end of the day not them ( they have left him before because he couldn’t get them drinks and ciggs.)

[April Masini, your AskApril]

[quote]… I don’t scold him I never have for anything he’s done no matter how stupid it was. I just want him to see that I’m going to be here in the end of the day not them…[/quote]

I really believe you don’t see it, but you do sound like a parent, not a girlfriend. And you sound like you’re talking about an errant teen — not a young man.

[moonbunny001]

I really don’t think you know how to give advice, every forum post that I saw you always attack the poster and stand up for whom their asking advice on. Maybe, instead of analyzing every word you can look at the big picture and actually help someone. Cause all you’ve done to me is attack how I “treat him like a parent” instead of actual advice!

Maybe you need to take time to figure out if you should be giving advice.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I’m sorry you’re upset. I think that maybe you didn’t like the advice I gave, which I’ve reposted for you below, so you’re lashing out at me. 😳

[quote]He lied to you about the hookah pipe because he thinks that if he tells you the truth, you’re going to disapprove and scold him and he doesn’t want to face that. He’s trying to break away from your control by not telling you the truth and putting his friends first because they don’t disapprove of his behavior. The dynamic you have is one of a parent and a teenager and [b]my advice is to relax out of that dynamic[/b]. If he feels he can be truthful with you without scolding, then he won’t lie. If he thinks he’s going to be disappointing you, he’ll avoid you. Men want to feel that their women are proud of them and love and respect them. If you follow that lead, you’ll get to a better place with him then are you are.

I hope that’s helpful. [/quote]

You’re always free not to take my advice — or anyone’s! 😉

[Member]

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