[youngbuck01]

I’m a 25 years old guy and moved to a new apartment complex about a year ago. I met this other guy that lives in the complex, he’s 22. So we started hanging out here and there (he’s a little bit mentally slow, but still cool to hang with). Then he invited me to play cards at his place one time. This is when I met his mom. She’s in her late 40s and I would say that she’s fairly attractive. She’s separated from her husband and my friend stays with her often but lives with his father the next town over. So over the past 8 months or so that I’ve know them, I’ve hung out at my friends mom’s place multiple times. While hanging out these are some of the things his mom has said or done:
she has “joked” about her and I taking a bath together (she was laughing a lot when she said this to me), she routinely leans into my shoulder/back ( I can feel her breasts pressed against me when she does this), she tries to “spank” my bottom saying I’m being “fresh” when I’m horsing around with my friend, a couple of times – has shown me a new bra that she bought ( not while she’s wearing it though) to see what I thought, once told me she “didn’t care if I saw her naked”, told me she was going to sleep over at my place ( she was laughing a lot when she said this to me), and was very excited to show me how she looked in her swimsuit ( she, my friend, and I had planned to go to the beach, so I met them at her place, this is when she presented herself to me after putting on her swimsuit). These are just some of the flirty things she has done/said to me during the time I’ve known her. I would have physical relations with her if it did get to that point but I don’t know if I should because of my friend. He doesn’t seem to notice/care about all the flirting his mom has done with me… What should I do?

[kai]

Hi YoungBuck.

Please post your question under the Q & A forum if you want April to answer your question.
Here is the link: https://www.askapril.com/forums/viewforum.php?f=1&st=0&sk=t&sd=d&start=0

You’ve posted it on the Guest Contributors forum and April doesn’t answer questions here.

Good luck with your friend’s mother 😮 …. I am curious to hear what April tells you. 😀

[youngbuck01]

Kai,

Thanks for your post… I have posted my question in April’s forum… Looking forward to see what she has to say…

What are your thoughts on the matter? I want to get a sort of consensus, then I’ll know better how to proceed…

Thanks again

[kitkat620]

it doesn’t take a genius to tell that she is coming on to you big time! what you should do, nobody can answer but you. if the risk of hurting your friend is higher on your list of priorities than getting laid i would say forget her. another point, she doesn’t seem to care what her son thinks by the way she is blatantly flirting with you while he is in the room.
i personally don’t think risking a friendship is worth the chance of a possible one night stand, unless of course, there is someway you can keep it a secret.
sometimes our minds are clouded by our hormones. sexual attraction is a very powerful emotion. it takes a strong person to resist a sexual advance no matter what the risks involved are.
good luck to you.

[youngbuck01]

Hey Kitkat,

The only real reason that I haven’t already pursued any kind of physical relations with my friend’s mom is because of the fact that I do want to maintain my friendship with my friend. I know that if I did have physical/sexual relations with her that eventually he would figure it out/find out and then things would be a big mess between him and I. I am attracted to her though and if it wasn’t for her son being my friend, I’m sure we would have had physical/sexual relations with one another by now. So here I am stuck between a woman whom I am attracted to and is routinely flirting with me and my friendship with my friend….

[Anonymous]

well, i think now instead of staying ‘stuck’ you really need to talk to your friend about it.
be honest and tell him to be honest with you. if you do decide not to pursue her, i think it would be in your best interest if you do not have any contact with her whatsoever. meet your friend outside of his house. maybe your place.
again, good luck to you and keep me posted.

[kai]

I think you’re playing with fire if you move forward with your friend’s mom without first telling him. I think he will eventually find out and if you hide it from him he’ll think you’re dishonest. On the other hand, maybe you could ask your friend’s mom to talk to him? It is her son and you’re her son’s friend…. or maybe you could both talk to him together?

Based upon what you’ve described, I doubt you’re the first young guy (or even the first of his friend’s) she’s done this with so your relationship will probably just be a physical thing. But I don’t think you’re worried about falling in love with her — are you?

[youngbuck01]

Hi all,

So I received a response from April regarding my predicament. If you haven’t already read her post, she basically said its ok for me to see my friend’s mom as long as I air out this situation with my friend first and if he’s cool then its up to me to pursue it. If its not something he would be in favor of ( which is what I think his opinion would be), then it would probably be in the best interest of our friendship for me to not hang out so often at his mom’s place. The problem with me avoiding my friend’s mom though, is that she has my cell number and I’m sure that she would eventually try to contact me and ask why I wasn’t coming around her place. Guess either way I choose someone is not going to be happy with me… Thats life though right, can’t make everyone happy all the time…

And Kai is right, I’m certainly not interested in getting into a serious relationship with her (whether thats her thinking or not), I’m just interested in the physical/sexual aspect of getting together with her.

So I think what I’m going to do is, the next time I plan to hang out with my friend, I will arrange for us to meet at a neutral place (not his mom’s place) and just tell him that I think his mom has been flirting with me and so on and that I do find her to be attractive and just see what his reaction is to this and ask what would be OK with him regarding his mom and I.

[DevilishV]

Friends don’t have to share EVERYTHING with each other. Personally I think you should do it and not say anything to him. Saying something risks the friendship, so even if your friend says its okay, I’m sure he would feel some type of way towards you.

I say go for it. Make up an excuse to go over; like you “accidentally” forgot your iPod or something. Then make up an excuse to get close and see if she moves and preps for a kiss. Try to make her make the first move… so even if your wrong about her, you won’t look like an ass.

[Manwhore]

This is a toughie mang. There’s kind of a bro code going on (lmao obviously) and to be honest she’s made it pretty clear that she’s vocal and open about her flirtiness. So I think it’s guaranteed if you sleep with her your buddy will find out. Which yes would probably be a SHITTY thing for him.

[AskApril Masini]

Let me know how things are going for you? 😉

[Ethan Morales]

You’re right to feel conflicted. On one hand, there’s obvious sexual tension. She’s been deliberately flirtatious making sexual jokes, touching you, testing boundaries. You’re not imagining it. But the other hand is what matters more: there’s your friendship with her son and the emotional consequences that could explode if you acted on it.
Even if he “doesn’t seem to notice,” the fallout would almost certainly damage that relationship permanently — not just with him, but with everyone in that social circle.

Her behavior is crossing a line. She’s an adult, but she’s being inappropriate especially since you’re her son’s friend. When she jokes about nudity or touches you suggestively, she’s testing how far she can go. That might come from loneliness, ego, or curiosity but it’s still her responsibility not to blur lines like that. If you were the one doing these things to a younger woman with a connection to your friend, it would look very wrong so the reverse applies here too.

Think about why you’re tempted. It’s natural that you’d feel attracted she’s confident, flirty, and giving you attention that feels exciting and a little forbidden. But notice the type of attraction here: it’s not about love or compatibility, it’s about the thrill the “this could be dangerous” feeling. That kind of excitement burns hot but fast, and almost always leaves behind regret or awkwardness.

Your friend may seem unaware, but he’s emotionally vulnerable especially if he’s “a little slow,” as you mentioned. Imagine what it would feel like for him to find out someone he trusted you was secretly hooking up with his mother. That betrayal could seriously damage his sense of trust, not just in you but in people in general. Even if the two of you thought you could “keep it secret,” these things almost always leak out through body language, rumors, or an emotional slip.

You don’t need to make a dramatic scene, but you do need to set boundaries. Here’s what that looks like: Limit how often you hang out at her place keep it friendly, but neutral. Don’t engage in the flirting. When she says something sexual, just smile politely and change the subject. She’ll get the message that you’re not taking the bait. Keep your focus on your friend. Spend time with him in your own space or neutral areas, not at her house. If she ever escalates or corners you, you can calmly say something like: “You’re great to be around, but I don’t want to cross any lines with my friend. I really like hanging with you guys as friends, so I’d rather keep it that way.” You don’t need to shame her just draw a respectful line.
It’s not about denying attraction it’s about choosing maturity over impulse. This situation is loaded with potential harm and very little real reward. If you want connection, look elsewhere with someone who isn’t tied to your friend or wrapped in a messy family dynamic.

If you stay respectful and keep your distance, you’ll be proud of how you handled this and your friend will never have to carry the weight of something he didn’t see coming.

[PassionSeeker]

This is a complicated situation, and I can understand why you’re torn. There’s temptation, curiosity, and the thrill of attention but also a quiet voice reminding you this could go very wrong. From where I stand, this isn’t about whether she’s flirting with you (she clearly is) but about what kind of man you want to be when the moment passes.

She’s an adult, and her behavior the touching, the jokes, the innuendos crosses a line, especially with her son’s friend. But the real test is yours. You’ve said your friend is “a little slow,” which means he might not fully grasp what’s happening, but that doesn’t make it any less of a betrayal if you act on it. You’d know, and that would sit heavy.

Attraction can make us reckless, but integrity is about restraint when it counts. If you want to walk away with your self-respect intact and your friendship unbroken you need to set boundaries. Distance yourself, meet your friend elsewhere, and stop feeding the flirtation. The right choice isn’t always exciting, but it’s the one that lets you sleep easy.

[Marcus king]

She’s definitely flirting that part is clear. The physical contact, the sexual jokes, showing you bras and swimsuits, that’s intentional. But the real issue isn’t whether you could hook up with her. The real issue is what happens after. Your friend may seem like he doesn’t notice, but that doesn’t mean he wouldn’t be affected. He already leans on you socially, and if something happened with his mom, that could hit him in a way he wouldn’t know how to handle. That’s something that could damage him long-term, not just in the moment.

On her end, she’s separated, probably lonely, and enjoying the attention and validation you give her. This doesn’t feel like love or something steady it feels like excitement and escape. If you cross that line, the beginning might be fun, but it would get complicated quick. She has emotional needs tied up in this, and if things get messy, you lose the friendship, the comfort of where you hang, and peace in your daily environment. That’s a lot to risk for something that’s mostly about convenience and novelty.

So the smartest move is to set a boundary. You don’t have to make it dramatic or awkward. Just something like, “I think you’re great, but I care about your son and I don’t want things getting complicated.” Keep it light, keep it respectful. If she keeps pushing, then you just stop spending time alone at her place. You don’t need to explain beyond that.

There are plenty of attractive older women you could be with without blowing up your social world. This one is only tempting because she’s close, familiar, and already interested. Don’t trade your stability for a quick thrill.

[Val Unfiltered💋]

babe… that woman is basically eye-flirting you into a telenovela… like yeah she’s hot, yeah it’s wild, but that’s your friend’s mom. that’s not “cougar energy,” that’s “therapy later” energy. don’t be her rebound plot twist. you can vibe, laugh, whatever… but once you cross that line, it’s gonna get messy fast. 🫠

[Member]

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