[steveb764]

Hi April:) I was seeing a girl whom broke up with her long time bf of 5years. she had been split with him for a month. We starting dating and then sleeping together, we were going really well, getting along well, and connecting well, being cheeky and playful. after a few weeks i meet her friends then family and spent time with them. We werent officially together because she had told me “I like you but did want a boyfriend just yet,(repeated) just yet” I knew she liked me because i was getting the vibes, and i also had feelings for her but i new she would still have feelings or love for her ex. all of a sudden her texting went cold and she had excuses not to see me etc, but she would still text me when it suited her! this went on for a week and i new something was up. I decided to let it pass. it continued for a couple of days till i got feed up and had enough! i knew she saw her ex again(and turns out i was right). i text her and called her “a rude, using, bitch”! I let her know that “i was too good to be f ‘d around with and im not going to play second best”! and pretty much said cya! she replied in text saying “sorry, sorry! its not like that” etc etc with a few more texts and that was it ….it was obvious shes still hung up on her ex even tho he dumped her and see’s other woman. She does not see her ex now it was a one off. ive cut her off now, its been a week. I should have talked to her about it rather than getting angry. How could i have handled the situation better?? Was i to harsh? my friends (girls and guys) say she deserved it! I still like her and know we had good potential. will i be able to get her back and date her? her friend tells me she is not seeing her ex now. I was going to leave it for another week than contact her. what should i do in your opinion? thanks, steve

[steveb764]

Oh by the way im 24 and she is 19. she didnt come clean about things that happend. she was stringing me along, but i really thnk she liked me! was i just a rebound in your opinion? also should i contact her after another week or let her contact me if she wants to? i will forgive her and understand her situation/feelings, but will take it slow and casual if things start again. i was just going to contact her and say something cheeky like ‘hey trouble’ to see how she reacts. im definatly not saying sorry tho because i dont feel she deserves an apology. hope you can help me, thanks!! steve.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You were definitely too harsh. 😳 There was no reason to curse at her. You lost your temper because you thought she owed you a certain loyalty, but she had been pretty clear with you that although she was sleeping with you she didn’t want a “boyfriend” just yet and that you weren’t “official”. In other words, she wanted you to know that there wasn’t a commitment.

She’s only 19, which means that she was dating her ex-boyfriend from the ages of 15 through 19. He was probably her first, and it was a long relationship. I know this doesn’t make you feel good, but it’s important that you’re realistic when you get involved with someone.

I think you absolutely can contact her again, but you do owe her an apology because you were rude to her. You shouldn’t decide that she deserves rude behavior because she did something wrong. You have to have good character because it’s the right thing to do — no matter what anyone else does. Your friends who told you she doesn’t deserve an apology are wrong. It’s not about her — it’s about YOU doing the right thing because you’re a stand up guy who apologizes when he does something wrong. 😉

That said….. if you do get involved with her again, you really have to understand who you’re getting involved with. At 19, she doesn’t have a lot of experience and she’s going to make mistakes. You also need to understand that the two of you aren’t married let alone official, and if she feels the need to see her ex it means she’s not ready for the same relationship you want. I know it’s hard to see her behavior without getting angry but the reality is that you want a serious relationship with her and she’s not quite ready for that. Process that before you decide to continue with her or not.

Hope that helps, and that you’ll let me know how things go!

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