[Thomas44]

So it was my girlfriends bday a few weeks ago. She’s weird and she didn’t wanna celebrate it and doesn’t want anything for it. But she mentioned she was going out with her friends tonight to celebrate the end of the semester not her birthday. She didn’t even tell her friends it was her birthday. So she says. I tell her I’ll come out there after class and we can all go out together. She said if you want you can come but no ones bringif their boyfriend/girlfriends. So I said ok I won’t go bc it Didn’t seem like she wanted me there. Then I told her a couple days later that you know ill just come out. It’s your birthday and she just got annoyed. And basically said I just need time with friends. So it was whatever. She said she was only going for. A few drinks and she’s still out. And she said she didn’t wanna “celebrate her birthday and didnt want people to know but then she posts a selfie and puts all birthday cake emojis with it. So now it just seems like she didn’t want me there so I’m pissed. What should I do? Also there was this kid that was there.when we broke up in mid march last year, she went on a date with and was kind of talking too. But as we got together again she told me immediately she saw him as a friend, and it’s noting more than that. She also said nothing has ever happened and nothing ever will. And she said the main reason why she didn’t invite me was bc she wanted to spend time with friends. But bc He was there she said it would make both of us uncomfortable. I was confused because why would he still be uncomfortable? If they’re just friends? So she literally said I was making up stuff in my head that’s not there. Nothin had happened and nothing will. Either way she would of went out with her friends. Something to me seems weird. Do you think something happened between them? Or something is happening? And also I saw a text she sent to one of her friends and my girlfriend said “he’s the type of guy who just likes girls and he wouldn’t be a person who would always be there for me”. Idk if she was talking about how she felt now or back then. So what do you think?

[Ask April Masini]

I’m sorry that you’re hurt because she wanted to spend time with her friends and not you — or even another guy, instead of you, but don’t lose sight of the big picture. Instead of projecting your anger and hurt onto her, why not try to win her over and make her [i]want[/i] to be with you. 😉 It’s easy to get angry at her and tell her how wrong she was for not spending her birthday with you — but you’d be forgetting that the reason you’re hurt is because you want to be with her and she wanted space. If you try to win her over instead of pushing her away or scolding her for behaving in a way that hurt your feelings, you’re going to push her away further, and that’s not what you really want. Why not buy her a present or bring her a great cake or flowers or something she really likes, and mention that you missed her on her birthday but you wanted her to know how much you care about her, so….. 😉

Hope that helps!

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[Thomas44]

Why wouldn’t she wanna spend her birthday with me? It’s basically like anew didn’t want me there. So you tbink I should just go back to doing nice things like that? Idk doesn’t it seem sketchy about the whole thing
? Like do you think something happened between them? Or do you think she just didn’t wanna spend the night with me? Because we’ve been dating for three years and I don’t think it should be like this.

[trainermc]

How long have you two been together? If it’s a new relationship (under 3 months) then don’t worry about it. She may want to spend time with her friends and maybe she acts different when she is with them and drinking and she doesnt want you to judge her. Not saying she is doing anything shady though. If its a long relationship 4 months or more than that is pretty shady in my opinion to not want you there for her birthday. I would take that as a warning sign things are not going well and I would act accordingly,

[Thomas44]

She said she wasn’t celebrating her birthday but that’s such bs. We talked about all of this so idk how to go about it now. Bc she said her friends just somehow found out it was her birthday. Which is bs. I just don’t know what to do. She needs to realize it wasn’t right. Just even when I explained it to her she didn’t find it wrong.

[Ask April Masini]

[quote]She needs to realize it wasn’t right. Just even when I explained it to her she didn’t find it wrong.[/quote]

This is the problem in a nutshell. You think you’re right, and you won’t allow that she may be right. 😉 Or that you may both be right.

Relationships take give and take and you have know where your deal breakers are. If you have a long list of them, and are very rigid about what’s right and wrong, prepare for difficulty. It sounds like the two of you are not compatible because you want to be right more than you want to be with her. As long as that’s true, you should move on and try to find someone with more compatible values. 🙂

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[Thomas44]

I agree we deff have different ways of communication. But what she does is if she doesn’t agree and we have a simple disagreement, she’ll blow up and get angry at me instead us talking and explaining each other’s opinions. She usually always brings up the past and my mistakes. Idk why she just always. Stuff thst happened years ago

[Thomas44]

We’ve been together for three years so that’s why it’s weird. I know it was because that kid was there
. She said it would of wen uncomfortable for both of us but she also said when she was talking with him and went on that date when we broke up it wasn’t anything like that an she didn’t like him like that. Which is contradicting herself because if she didn’t like him like that then why would it would be awkward? Idk if it’s just me but I think something aeems off don’t you? Because who wouldn’t want their boyfriend there on her
Birthday and plus she posted a birthday Selfie on her Instagram
And she tells me her friends somehow found out it was her birthday. It’s messed up
And idk what to do. I wanna prove my point even though she ended the convo weeks go and didn’t want me to bring It up anymore because I was literally making shit up
In my head.

[Ask April Masini]

[quote]She said it would of wen uncomfortable for both of us but she also said when she was talking with him and went on that date when we broke up it wasn’t anything like that an she didn’t like him like that. Which is contradicting herself because if she didn’t like him like that then why would it would be awkward? Idk if it’s just me but I think something aeems off don’t you?[/quote]

She was simply making up an excuse so that you wouldn’t spend her birthday night out with her. Whether or not you agree with the excuse itself isn’t as important as the fact that she didn’t want you there after three years of dating. What you’re describing as an “off” feeling, is rejection. It’s uncomfortable and it hurts. 😳 Clearly, you’ve got competition, and rather than get angry at her, why not rise to the occasion and try to win her over? 😀

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[Thomas44]

Were together, and as I mentioned for three years. I don’t think I should have to win we over. Like were together and there shouldn’t be another guy involved at all. I wish she would just stop bein friends with him bc it’s innappropriate. He’s obv flirted with her and she obviously liked him a little to go on a date with him. I’m trying to show her she doesn’t needs to get attention from someone else. Which is what she is doing. She has pictures of him posing from her birthday night. It hurts.

[Ask April Masini]

I know you don’t think that after three years of dating her you should have to win her over — but that’s exactly what the other guy is doing. 😕 You can stand by and watch it happen, berate her for not adhering to your principles, or try to show her why you’re the better man for her. 😎 The reality is that dating is competitive, and you can stand on principle, but you’ll probably lose the girl when she doesn’t hold the same principles to be true.

Good luck!

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[Thomas44]

I mean she said she doesn’t hangout with him. She was just going out with we group of friends. She said from the begginning that she immediately saw him as a friend and thought he was cool to talk too but obv she’s gonna tell me that. He obviously flirted with her and she obviously liked him a little bit to go on a date with him. So I don’t think they hangout at at but I do think they text every now and then.

[Ask April Masini]

Sounds like you’re working this through. 😉

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[Thomas44]

[quote=”trainermc”]How long have you two been together? If it’s a new relationship (under 3 months) then don’t worry about it. She may want to spend time with her friends and maybe she acts different when she is with them and drinking and she doesnt want you to judge her. Not saying she is doing anything shady though. If its a long relationship 4 months or more than that is pretty shady in my opinion to not want you there for her birthday. I would take that as a warning sign things are not going well and I would act accordingly,[/quote]

It’s been 3 years . She said she wasn’t celebrating her birthday. Just the end of the semester. It was such bs but she would never admit that she just didn’t want me there.

[Ask April Masini]

It seems like you’re just wanting to vent about what happened. If you have any questions, I’m happy to help you with them.

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