You need a two prong approach. First of all, you have to address YOUR behavior. You’re right. You need to live alone and be alone in order to figure out what works for you on all fronts. You can’t really be a good partner until you’re a good person, solo. 😉 So do what’s uncomfortable for you (like eating vegetables as a kid, because they’re good for you) and live without your boyfriend — if you have a job and can live alone or with female roommates, just starting out your career, great! If you need to live at home until you can get out on your own, that’s okay, for now. But just do it. Sometimes you don’t feel like filing your taxes or flossing your teeth, but you do it because it’s the right thing to do for yourself.
Second, you need to address the feelings and emotions that have caused you to become an enabler. Obviously, you can’t “fix” a drug addict. He or she has to fix himself because the problems involved in addiction don’t have anything to do with you. However…. addicts find people like yourself, who will enable their behavior. If you can be aware of what you’re feeling, without doing anything about it, you’ll be able to learn a lot about yourself.
I know this is difficult, but it’s really great that you want to do right by yourself. It’s the only way, really, that you can be in a successful relationship, after all — start with you. 😀
Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].
