[IronGray]

I have so many problems with sticking to a relationship I’m not even sure where to begin. I need advice, so desperately bad, and I haven’t the slightest clue who to turn to anymore, so I’m about to reach out to you…
Rather then list off everything I think I’ll stick to the biggest problem I have…
The main issue, the reason I tend to leave relationships before I even reach the one month point (literally never had a relationship last longer then this) is that oral sex disgusts me. Period. I can’t bring myself to do it and after doing research all over the net, and asking guys I know, it seems that it is imperative that males receive blow jobs for the relationship to have a chance.
But I just can’t do it. I try, and I try, and I try to tell myself that it’s not that bad, but there’s no way it’s ever going to happen. It’s a turn off for me, both giving and receiving oral sex, and it’s not something I can get passed.
So tell me, honestly, do I ever have a chance at a successful relationship with a guy if I will never go down on him?
I don’t want to be alone my whole life… but it’s looking like this is what’s going to happen.
I had the perfect guy. He was gorgeous, caring, intelligent, and he accepted me for me. I didn’t have to change for him. But, one month into the relationship, when sex was creeping closer into becoming a possibility, I panicked and ended it. I couldn’t even explain why, I just lost it, and now I’ve lost contact with him. I destroyed what could have been a great thing.
I just don’t know what to do. Any (gentle) advice would be fantastic…
I would really like to hear some male opinions on this as well…

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Don’t despair! 😆 What happens in anyone’s bedroom is their business alone, and locker room talk can be intimidating if you’re worried you’re not doing something right, at all, or enough. So first of all, understand that just because you’ve heard that oral sex is required sexual behavior in order to pass go and have a relationship, doesn’t make it true. Feel better? 🙂

Second of all, understand that while most men definitely do love receiving oral sex, if a man loves you and there is other sexual expression and pleasure in the bedroom, your not wanting to give or receive oral sex is not necessarily a deal breaker. Everyone has limits in relationship and in the bedroom. Knowing them and being able to express that, all the while being open, is the key to success. There [b]are[/b] men who don’t want to receive oral sex and there are men who don’t want to give it. So you’re not doomed to [i]never[/i] have a relationship just because your boundaries are a little off the beaten track. Are you breathing more easily yet?? 😆

All that said, [b]you’re[/b] the one who’s going to sabotage your own love life if you break up with men [i]before[/i] you even get to the bedroom because of your fear of what [i]may or may not[/i] happen. And that’s the biggest problem you have right now. You’re focused on oral sex rather than on an entire relationship. There is so much more to a long term relationship than that one act and if you can let go of your worry and see the bigger picture and EVERYTHING you have to offer, you may have better luck in dating.

My advice to you is to slow down, take a breath, and look for men to date who are understanding, empathetic, creative, and committed to having an intimate relationship. If a man loves you for you and wants to spend his life with you, I don’t think that oral sex is going to be a deal breaker. However, you have to be willing to get to know him, have a sexual relationship with him, and be able to tell him that while you enjoy sex and want a sexual relationship to be an integral part of a relationship, there are certain things you will and will not do. Everyone has these boundaries, and when you understand that, your particular boundaries won’t be as big a deal to you — and to Mr. Right.

I hope that helps you get over the anxiety you have right now.

Check out my newly forming Facebook group page at this link: [url][/url]. I hope you’ll request membership once you’re on that page — it’s free!

[Member]

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