[Scarlet]

My ex-boyfriend of several months sent me a break up e-mail 4 weeks ago suddenly and without explanation. It was totally out of the blue and unexpected. He emailed me one day about our plans for getting together and 24 hours later he sent me the breakup e-mail! The email was 2 paragraphs long, expressing regret but providing no explanation. He just said things like it was nothing I had done and that he’d miss me. I went into “no contact” mode and deleted him and his contact information from my computer, phone, etc. Neither of us contacted the other for 4 weeks. Some of our plans were for my birthday last Saturday (4 weeks after the breakup email). So on my birthday, last Saturday, out of the blue, he sent me a Happy Birthday e-mail. The first paragraph extended warm birthday wishes as if nothing had happened. The second paragraph explained that the reason he broke up with me was because his doctor convinced him that he had a terrible disease and he knew I wouldn’t be interested in sick guy. However, his tests have now come back negative, so it looks like he’s going to live. He said he was just explaining the reason for the “sudden change.” I didn’t respond. The next day, yesterday, he sent another e-mail asking how I’m doing and framing a political topic in a flirty manner. He then said he’d reserve his opinion on the subject until he hears “what I have to say (or write) – or both 🙂” I haven’t responded. I don’t know whether I’d want to reconcile or not, but I’d certainly like to know more than he’s telling me. Should I respond? If so, how and when? If I am to respond, I’d like to do so before he quits contacting me. What should I do or not do? Thanks!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

If you want to know more, then my suggestion is to do it in person, not by e-mail or on the phone. E-mail is convenient, but there is room for a lot of misunderstanding.

And if you do get back together with him, remember that you’re getting back together with someone who behaved the way he did, and transparency is going to be a challenge with him. For you, you need to remember that you don’t know him all that well, and this is the way you get to know him, so before committing emotionally or otherwise, get to know if this someone you actually WANT to commit to. 😉 Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on

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[Scarlet]

Thanks for your feedback.

If we were to see each other in person, it would require communication in advance to set something up. In that situation, should I wait to see if he sends me a third email suggesting that we see each other in person, or respond to his second e-mail in which he hinted that he wanted to hear from me?

If I were to respond to his second e-mail or a possible e-mail #3, what would I say?

Thanks!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It sounds like he broke up with you, has moved on and wants to be friends. His contact with you is just friendly. You should ignore it, and if he asks if you want to get together, at that time, you can ask him what you need to know, but don’t chase him if he’s only looking to be a friend. 😉

[Member]

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