[AskApril Masini]

If a woman invites you to go out with her friends for cocktails, you shouldn’t decline by telling her you have nothing to wear. 😯 And I don’t think you should question her motives — it was an invitation that meant she’s either interested in you for herself, or for her friends. It was a no lose situation for you. 😉 And if you truly don’t have clothes to wear — go buy some, so you’re ready for the next invite! Clearly, you’re doing something very right if an interesting woman invites you out, even with her friends. Since she rejected you a few months back, and has now clearly changed her tune, she’s either changed her mind (this happens in life! 🙂 ) or her friends may be interested in you. This is a great opportunity for you. I’m very glad you’re reading the book and implementing some of the advice, even if it’s as simple as being open and friendly to everyone! Looks like you’re already on your way to a date! 😀 Nice work.

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[Km2014]

Confused
Postby Km2014 » Sun Jul 12, 2015 1:12 am

There’s this girl I have been talking to for a about a month or 2. We would
text each other for hours each day. I finally decided to ask her out and Monday
we had our first date. The entire time leading up to the date she would
constantly message me and tell me how excited she was and how much she was
looking forward to our date. When we finally met up that Monday she hugged me. I
wasn’t expecting that. We went out to eat she drove I don’t have a car at the
moment I’ll have mine back in about a month. After we went out to eat she took
me and showed me the house she grew up in as kid. We then went back to my place.
I was a complete gentleman so I didn’t try to get in her pants, make a move, or
anything like that. We talked and I showed her around she saw my music equipment
and had me play violin for her. We then talked some more she stayed at my place
for about 4 hours. She hugged me again before she left I walked her to her car
and we hugged once more we talked for a few minutes longer and I gave her $20
gas money. She said she’ll take it this time and but not next time this will be
for both. She then asked me for another hug. I thought the date went well. I
messaged her a few hours after our date and thanked her for spending her time
with me. I also told her I had a great time and that she was good company. She
replied thanks for listening to me babble. I messaged her the next day asking
her if she would like to have a picnic date at the park this weekend. She replied “I’m so
sorry I will be out of town by then 🙁 I’ll be in Ohio at cedar point. for my
friends birthday” We shared a few more messages and she revealed she didn’t
really feel like talking. She said she had just gotten off the phone with her
lawyer and he refused to take her case because she didn’t stand a chance at
winning. She lost custody of her son a few weeks back that much I do know is
true. Shes been trying to retrial it to no avail. She asked if she could message
me when she calms down. I told her yeah of course and told her sending many
hugs your way. I also sent her the info to some other legal counsel who might
take her case. She thanked me for my support and told me how kind I was to help
her. I haven’t heard from her since. What should I do? I sent a message Thursday
but it was just a generic “Hi” She never responded which is unlike her. She also
posted on her facebook today talking about how she’s excited for Cedar Point
next weekend … I’m a bit suspicious now seeing as how she told me she’d be
there today… I’m thinking maybe she just isn’t interested anymore? What do you think I should do? What is the best way to proceed? The whole losing custody of her child creates a crazy dynamic. I honestly like her and care about her .” I’ve asked some friends and they said to message her today so I did here’s how that went.

me- hey how are you?

her- Good how are you
me- Pretty good. I wasn’t sure if it was ok to message you or not

her- Yes… You can text or message me whenever lol
me- Well i didn’t know. The last time I talked to you you were pretty upset

her- Im sorry 🙁

me- It’s ok you’ve been through the ringer lately
I was just waiting for you to message back but when almost a week went by I got a little worried about u lol

her- I just get caught up in my head sometimes i havnt really talked to anyone until today

me- Yeah it’s cool. I do that too sometime
quite often actually
Am I disturbing you now? If I am just let me know. I don’t want to bother you or be a nuisance.

her- Never!! You are fine lol dont worry so much youll turn into me

me- Well I it’s hard to gage were people are somtime. Your vibe and aura are still a bit different than usual

her- I dont make it easy lol

me- I’m sure you don’t lol

her- I had an axiety attack the other day it could just be the fact that i am still trying to figure it out

me- See I knew something was off whack lol.

her- Yupp i had a breakdown and now i feel guilty to my friends who were here soo that might be it

me- yeah those things suck. I’ll let you in on secret that I don’t tell many people. A real secret

her- Yay!!

(For some reason she’s always been trying to get me to tell her a secret so I told her about my anxiety issues in the past. I thought that might make feel more accepted and not so alone)

her- Im really sorry you had to go through all that. You seem quite grounded to me i never would have guessed that. I shake a lot not bad but just constantly but it does get me when im angry upset or nervous. Thats kind of scary though i dont want to be that bad at all

me- Yeah that was a really long time ago though.
I’m totally ok now 🙂

her- Im happy you told me. It takes a lot to tell people your secrets like that and i feel honored that you felt comfortable enough to trust me with that 🙂

me- Lul thanks. I hope that didn’t change your perception of me. Like I don’t want you to think negatively of me now. I honestly don’t know why I told you all of that. I don’t know Sierra I just don’t know. There’s something about you lol.
But hey I’m about to to take a shower. Is it ok if I message you later?

her- Yes you can message me whenever you want lol and it didnt change anything in my mind at all

I honestly don’t know what to do. I’ve never encountered this kind of situation before. I messaged her back but still no response. How should I proceed? I want to be there for her but at the same time I don’t want to back off entirely and abandon her. I want to be her friend but I don’t want to get friend zoned and at the same time I don’t want to keep pestering her seeing if she’s ok. What to do what to do?? Thank you for your help.
Km2014

Posts: 10
Joined: Sun Dec 28, 2014 6:46 pm

[Km2014]

Re: Confused
Postby April Masini » Sun Jul 12, 2015 1:45 am

Ask her out on a second date! That’s what you should do now.

You might also want to read Date Out of Your League, a book I wrote for men because it has a lot of advice that a you’re going to find helpful. You can get the book here: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/date-out-of-your-league-april-masini/1016394885?ean=9780974676302&itm=1&usri=9780974676302.

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AskApril.com is the #1 free relationship advice site online. Relationship expert April Masini, nicknamed “the new millennium’s Dear Abby” by the media, is the best-selling author of four dating advice books. Register to our forums and Ask April a question today!
April Masini
Site Admin

Posts: 9418
Joined: Sun Sep 14, 2008 5:54 pm

[Km2014]

Re: Confused
Postby Km2014 » Mon Jul 13, 2015 5:28 am

Ok April so I asked here for a second date I picked a place day and time. Her response was “Yes but dont make it entirely set in stone i have to check my planner just in case.” Do you think I’m wasting my time here? Or is there actually a chance? I know shes been going through a lot this week losing the custody of her kid tuesday and she said she went to a funeral this weekend… I like her but the whole vibe is way different now. I feel like she’s no longer interested. What’s the best way to proceed in a situation like this? I mean she’s had it rough lately. I don’t want to be pushy or annoying i.e texting and messaging her but I’m concerned about her but at the same time. We went from speaking daily to hardly at all With all this stuff going on in her life. I just don’t know how to proceed…
Km2014

Posts: 11
Joined: Sun Dec 28, 2014 6:46 pm

[AskApril Masini]

Got it — and I can see that I’ve recommended you buy and read [b]Date Out of Your League[/b] several times! I hope you have.

It sounds like she’s got a lot going on in her personal life, and isn’t that into you. The combination is going to get frustrating, so I think you should move on and find someone who’s got a lifestyle that’s more compatible to yours, and who is more into you and excited about dating you. 😉

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[YandelIdbell]

[quote=”Km2014″]I was wondering if anyone here would please give me some advice? The scenario is as follows. There’s a girl who comes into my work several times a week. Each time she visits we talk and carry on a lengthy conversation. It’s gotten to the point were we address each other by first name and she’s even asked for my Facebook info. For months I’ve been telling myself that I’m going to ask her out but I always chicken out. The other day she came in and there was a guy with her. My heart sank in my chest and I filled with disappointment. He recognized me from were he’d been trying to get a job there. She replied I didn’t know you guys knew each other. I tried to slyly find out if they were dating. I stupidly asked if he was her brother since it is around the Holiday season. Her response was “We actually went to high school together” we continued talking for a bit and then she paid for both their meals and they went on there way. I guess my question is do you think I’ve waited too long and missed my opportunity or should I with a doubt ask her out the next time I see her? Thank you for your response and your help.[/quote] Same thing was happen with me and i also missed that chance.

[AskApril Masini]

Did you ever ask her out on a date?

[PassionSeeker]

First off, you’ve made incredible progress you’re putting yourself out there, learning, and growing past old fears. That’s something to be proud of. About the first girl: you’re right, it’s probably best to see it as a learning experience. Timing and communication matter, and sometimes we miss the moment. That’s okay what’s important is that you don’t let it define your confidence moving forward.

Now, about this other girl inviting you out don’t overthink it. She may just want to reconnect, or she might be genuinely interested now. People change their minds. If you still like her, go have fun, no pressure or expectations. Treat it like a chance to enjoy yourself and practice being confident around women not as a test.

The best thing you can do is stay calm, be yourself, and stop assuming rejection before it happens. Let life surprise you. You’re learning how to show up for yourself — and that energy is magnetic.

[Ethan Morales]

You haven’t missed your chance. From what you’ve described, there’s clear interest she’s engaged with you in conversation, knows your name, asked for your Facebook, and interacts with you regularly. Those are all signals that she enjoys your company.

April’s advice is spot-on: the only way to know for sure is to take action. Waiting longer just builds anxiety and gives the impression that you’re not confident or interested. Asking her out is low-risk even if she says no, you’ve gained clarity and can move on without wondering “what if.”

The key here is your mindset: see potential rejection as part of the process, not a failure. The upside a real chance at a relationship outweighs the temporary discomfort of asking.

Timing also matters, so the next time she comes in, pick a casual, confident moment. Keep it simple: something like, “Hey, I really enjoy talking with you would you like to grab coffee/dinner sometime?”

Bottom line: act soon. You’ve done the groundwork with rapport, and asking her out now is the natural next step. Hesitation is your only enemy here.

[Marcus king]

Here’s the thing, man you’ve been letting fear call the shots. That “maybe next time” mindset is how chances quietly die. From what you’ve said, this woman clearly enjoys talking to you first names, long chats, even asking for your Facebook? That’s interest.

Now, seeing her with another guy stung, sure. But her answer didn’t confirm anything romantic just history. So don’t assume the worst. Next time she comes in, keep it natural but take your shot. Something simple like, “Hey, I really enjoy talking with you how about we grab coffee sometime when I’m not behind the counter?”

You don’t need a perfect line; you just need confidence. Worst case, you get clarity. Best case, you finally stop wondering what if. Either way, you win by stepping up.

[Val Unfiltered💋]

babe… you’ve been flirting on layaway 😏 she asked for your facebook and that’s not small talk, that’s an opening. the guy might be a friend, might be more, but you won’t know unless you actually shoot your shot. next time she comes in, stop overthinking and just say it. confidence beats timing every time. either she’s into it or she’s not, but at least you’ll know instead of dying of “what if.” 🙄💅🏼

[Tara]

Oh please. Stop acting like some tragic romantic hero. You didn’t “miss your chance” — you never had the balls to take it. You stood there smiling, chatting, and pretending friendship was foreplay while she moved on with her life. You’re not unlucky. You’re passive.

She gave you openings. She asked for your Facebook, she talks to you, she laughs at your jokes. That was your shot. You did nothing. Now you’re sitting here whining about some guy she showed up with like you’ve been wronged. You weren’t wronged. You were replaced by someone who actually made a move.

You don’t get points for overthinking. You either step up or you shut up. Next time she shows up, quit being a coward. Look her in the eye and say, “Let’s go out.” No long story, no soft landing. Just ask. If she says no, fine — at least you acted like a man instead of a background prop.

Keep hesitating, and you’ll be the guy she forgets existed. Either grow a spine and shoot your shot or stay invisible. Your choice.

[Sally]

It hits you right in the stomach, like you finally worked up the nerve in your head and then life beat you to it. But honestly? From what you wrote, it doesn’t sound like you missed anything.

If she brought a boyfriend, she would’ve said so. People don’t hide that. And she wouldn’t have asked for your Facebook if she didn’t enjoy you. That’s not something women do for guys they see as just background noise.

The real thing getting in your way isn’t timing it’s fear. You’ve been waiting for some perfect moment that doesn’t exist.

Next time she comes in, just ask. Keep it simple. You’re not starting from zero…you’re just finally catching up to the moment.

[Natalie Noah]

Nothing about this story says you “ruined” anything. What it shows is that you’re learning how to step into dating with confidence after years of anxiety and hesitation and that growth is messy, uncomfortable, and full of moments where you wish you’d acted sooner. That’s normal. What happened with your co-worker wasn’t sabotage; it was simply life nudging you forward faster than you were ready for. And even though the crush didn’t respond, I need you to hear this: you did the brave thing. You messaged her. You put yourself out there. That is progress not failure.

Her silence is your clarity. If she wanted to explore something with you, she had every opportunity to respond a “hey,” a smiley, anything. But she didn’t. And that tells you the truth without you having to suffer in confusion. Your instinct to accept the outcome and turn inward reflecting on what you truly want, identifying what kind of woman actually fits you, and practicing confidence with every woman you meet that’s real emotional maturity. This whole experience wasn’t about her; it was about you waking up to your own patterns and starting to break them.

The girl from months ago suddenly showing interest? That’s not random. Women sense confidence. They sense when a man is getting emotionally unstuck, becoming more open, more present, more willing to step into connection. Her inviting you out and then the two of you shopping together before going out that’s not a red flag. That’s an opening. Her earlier rejection doesn’t mean she won’t see you differently now. People change when you change. Go out, be yourself, enjoy it, flirt a little, and don’t overthink the motive. Sometimes life hands you a second chance right when you finally have the courage to use it.

[KeishaMartin]

You’ve been caught in the classic trap of overthinking, second-guessing, and letting your heart play tug-of-war with your brain. I mean, here you are, pouring your soul out to this woman, giving her little glimpses of your heart, your secrets, your past anxieties, and she’s teasing you like a cat with a string! The tension is electric, every hug, every word, every pause, it’s dripping with potential, just begging for you to seize it. You’ve been so good at being patient, at being gentle, at being a true gentleman, but there comes a point where patience turns into frustration if you don’t take action. Don’t let the fear of missteps keep you from tasting the thrill of possibility.

April Masini has been an absolute goddess of wisdom here? The way she slices through confusion and gives guidance that’s equal parts practical and spicy is a gift to all of us fumbling in the dating dark. Her advice is like a little spark of naughty intuition whispering in your ear: “Stop waiting. Take the reins. Make her feel the heat you’ve been holding back.” Honestly, I can’t help but imagine her smirking knowingly, telling you to flirt with fire, to make your intentions impossible to ignore. If only every crush came with an April Masini hotline, right?

As the holiday season jingles and the scent of cinnamon and pine fills the air, I’m wishing you a Christmas full of bold moves, cheeky glances, and maybe a mistletoe moment or two. Christmas parties are a playground of opportunity so slip into that little black number, or let that smoldering charm of yours shine, and see where the night leads. Life is too short to sit back while sparks fly, this is your moment to turn whispers and hugs into something insatiably unforgettable.

[Member]

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