[spiderr111]

My boyfriend (of 1 year) messages random women via Facebook. He tells them how beautiful and sexy they are calling them honey, my love, sweetie… He tells them that he would like to take them out on a date, go to dinner, lunch, drinks and that they should call him and gives away his number. And just how glad he is to be talking to them. The first time i found this out at the beginning of our relationship we fought about it ( i had a suspicion and after careful though i am now able to see all the messages that he sends/receives). I told him how much this bothers me and it just hurts me to read all those messages. Since then over the past year I have caught him doing it about 3 more times. Today was the 4th. Im not really sure if i am overreacting or my feelings are normal. He continues to tell me that the messages do not mean anything and that he would never even think about going out with them…

I cannot trust this man. Even though he has cheated on me at the begining i forgave him, however with all these messages im becoming a psycho girlfriend. Every time someone text him im wondering if it’s a girl. He has a lot of women’s phone numbers in his contact list and even a number for the local hotel. Im trying not to assume too much thus have not freaked out about his contacts or the hotel (maybe im just in denial).

What is the best way to handle this situation? As of now I told him that he should not try to contact me and I will call him as soon as I am ready. We live together, however i am out of town for the next 3 weeks and will not see him. I love this person, but the lack of trust and in my eyes commitment from him is just overwhelming.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

How old are you both? How long after meeting him did you move in with him? Did he cheat on you in the first three months of dating? First six months? How many times? With the same woman or multiple women?

Let me know that information and I’ll give you more comprehensive advice! 🙂

[spiderr111]

I am 22 years old and he is 29 years old. I have known him since i was 18 and we were really good friends, then we lost contact and started talking again about 15 months ago. We started dating and he moved in after 9 months, it was never official and the place that he used to stay at he still owns (he rents it out to his sister, but it’s a two bedroom place so he sleeps there whenever something like this happens).

As of what i know he only cheated once, with one woman. He tells me that it was in the first two weeks of dating. And that he didnt know if we would last.

[spiderr111]

In addition. Im not sure if this makes a difference or not. But the women that he contacts are NOTHING like me. Im not judging, just describing but they dress to show off their stuff, are not fit ( and he is a stickler about the gym and which i am too), most of the women have children and are single mothers, and neither one of them are my race. I have nothing against the women.

I dress to impress also and take care of myself, but in a more classy way ( i would like to think 😀 ) I have a lot of priorities that i deal with and try to keep everything in check. Im not a crazy person i do relax and have fun, but probably more conservative then the average women.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

If he’s been your boyfriend for a year, and he moved in 9 months ago, it sounds like he moved in with you after only three months of dating — which is way too soon! Especially since you say that “it was never official”. I’m not sure what that means. At the three month mark, you should be deciding if you want to continue dating this person or not. But because you’ve known him for several years, he may have flown under the radar you would normally use to weed out men who aren’t appropriate candidates for Mr. Right.

His “cheating” during the first two weeks of your dating isn’t really “cheating” in my book. If you’ve only been dating for two weeks, it should be understood that you’re both seeing other people until you decide to become monogamous. So, I’d let that one go if you can. 😉

However, it really sounds like he’s still looking to date other women on Facebook, and has been since the beginning of your relationship when you discovered this behavior of his. (I’m not sure why you agreed to live with him if you caught him cheating and realized he was flirting with women on Facebook so early in the relationship…. 😳 ) In fact, I’m pretty sure it’s not just Facebook that he’s using as a way to meet women. I know you said you’ve caught him four times this year, but I’m quite sure he’s been doing this pretty consistently. That, coupled with the fact that he’s got another apartment where he sleeps occasionally, and that you’re “not official” which I guess means you have some doubt about the commitment you feel from him, indicates he’s really keeping his options open.

Instead of trying to get him to be someone he’s not, my advice is that you realize he’s not that into you. He doesn’t sound like he was ever your Mr. Right, and I’m not sure why you invited him to live with you. 😕 That was a big mistake.

It’s time for you to move on — but before you do, I really hope you’ll read Think & Date Like A Man, [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url], so you have a lot more information, tips and pieces of advice on the dating landscape and how to be successful in it. 😀

[spiderr111]

I will definitely get your book and look for some pointers in the future. Thank you for your advice. However, I do have some questions. What is the point of being with me for a year then if he is not satisfied with me? Why not just break up from his side. Ive told him that maybe he does this because he doesnt find me as attractive or as appealing and he continues to tell me that i am all he wants. ( we have civil conversations about this issue and every time it happens and he just tells me that it’s a problem that he needs to learn how to control) He tells me know much he loves me ( which just happened a month ago), that he grew to love me and im everything he looks for. I understand that by chatting with these women he is obviously doing it not on the internet too and that he finds them attractive or filling some weird void that i do not. He just continues to tell me that they are only “eye candy” and that its a guy thing that he cant control.

Since the fight we have talked and he is begging me not to break up with him and that he wants to make everything better and all that jazz. I want to make the right decision here. Im not afraid to break up, i know i will be okay within time. But i dont want to break up and regret it.

Sorry for bother you again, but your advice is definitely inspirational and taken highly into consideration.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Don’t wait for the future. 🙄 Buy the book today! It’s going to help you, and it’s going to support this free advice column. 😀 Here’s the link where you can buy it: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url]. I’m not just trying to sell books — I really believe this book is going to help you. Please buy and read it.

In a nutshell, the answers to your two questions are:

[quote] What is the point of being with me for a year then if he is not satisfied with me? Why not just break up from his side.[/quote]

He was with you for a year because he got what he wanted out of the relationship. He wasn’t that into you, but he was into you somewhat. He didn’t break up with you because you allowed the relationship he wanted — one where he gets you, and other women — to continue. 😳

Read Think & Date Like A Man, [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url], so that you educate yourself in dating and don’t find yourself in a relationship after a year, with a guy who’s never been that into you. 😕

This book will help you turn the questions and the focus back onto you so you can get what YOU want. You’re asking lots of questions about him, but you’re not taking responsibility for YOUR part in this relationship. Time to make a change. 😉

Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link:[url][/url]

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