[rachel_holdon]

I have been married for seven years and we have two little girls. My husband is active duty Navy, and in the time we’ve been together I’ve discovered he’s cheated three times that I know of. I’m exhausted emotionally and physically. Every time it’s the same script: he’s caught, he cries, promises to change, and swears it will never happen again. For a while I believe him, then the pattern repeats. It has left me depressed, distrustful, and constantly braced for the next betrayal.
This time he says all the right things. He’s in counseling, he’s talking about what he’s learned, and he’s begging to win me back. He’s saying things I’ve never heard before. I want to want to believe him. I’ve been the one who stayed through the chaos, supported him, and tried to rebuild. Now I’m terrified not only for my heart but for how this affects our daughters. My gut has been shouting that I should leave, but the thought of splitting our family makes me crumble.
To complicate everything, another man has entered my life. He’s not pressuring me; he’s kind, supportive, and genuinely focused on my well-being. He’s the first person in a long time who asks what would actually make me happy. I won’t lie his kindness is comforting, and it makes me wonder what a different life could look like. I feel guilty even thinking about him while my husband is asking for another chance.
I need guidance: How do I decide whether to give my marriage another real chance or to protect myself and our children and walk away? Can a person who’s cheated repeatedly truly change, and how long should I wait to see consistent proof? Is it wrong to let myself be supported by someone new while I sort this out?

[PassionSeeker]

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It’s like carrying a heavy weight, and it’s not fair. I get that you’re torn, especially for your daughters. But here’s the thing, change takes work and consistency. It’s not about just hearing the right words, but seeing real change over time.
You deserve peace and kindness, and you don’t have to feel guilty about someone else offering that. Your heart matters too. Whatever you decide, just know it’s okay to put yourself and your kids first. You don’t owe anyone your peace.

[Ethan Morales]

Okay, I’ll be blunt, because you’re carrying too much fog and not enough facts. You’ve been through the same cycle three times. That pattern matters more than the promises. People can change, but change isn’t a speech or a week of good behavior, it’s boring, uncomfortable consistency over time paired with real accountability. Here’s how I see it and what I’d do if I were you.

Three affairs = a pattern, not a one-off mistake. Counseling is a good start, necessary, not sufficient. Your exhaustion and distrust are valid. You’ve earned your caution. The new man’s kindness is not a betrayal; it’s a signal of what safety feels like. You don’t have to punish yourself for noticing it.

What real change looks like (concrete) You should expect specific, verifiable actions, not vague promises: Individual therapy for him (ongoing, not a few sessions). Sex/infidelity-specific work (e.g., recovery groups, an affair-recovery program). Transparent communication: willingly share phone access, social accounts, location check-ins for a defined period (yes, temporary). No-contact rules with anyone who threatens the marriage, plus joint boundaries you both agree to. Regular couples therapy with a licensed therapist experienced in infidelity. Clear relapse plan: what happens if he messes up again (consequences you both accept). Time and consistency: I’d want to see 6–12 months of consistent, documented behavior before considering full trust restoration. Less than that is not convincing.

A practical decision framework Protect yourself and the kids first. Get basics in order: a separate savings buffer, copies of IDs, and a consult with a family-law attorney (you don’t have to file anything, just know your options). Set a timebound trial. Tell him: “I want to try, but on these terms and for this timeline.” Put the expectations in writing and insist therapy and transparency begin immediately. Watch actions, not words. Is he showing up for every appointment? Is he proactive with accountability? Is he doing the uncomfortable work without you needing to demand proof? Decide ahead of time what you’ll accept. If he breaks the rules, what’s your boundary? Make that consequence non-negotiable so you don’t get gaslit later. Protect your heart while you decide. You can accept support from the other man, kindness from friends is healing, but don’t start a physical or romantic relationship while you’re actively deciding. That complicates everything legally and emotionally. Emotional support? Fine. Entanglement? Not yet.

About the kids Stability matters, but stability that’s toxic isn’t better than a calm, separated life. Kids benefit from honesty, routine, and adults who are emotionally present. If the marriage stays, it must become safer and more reliable, not just “less dramatic.”

Timing & how long to wait Six months is a minimum to see meaningful change; 12 months is better. If after 6–12 months you see NO real structural changes (therapy attendance, transparency, changed routines), don’t wait longer hoping for a miracle.

You’ve invested years and kids. That matters. But staying because of history and fear of splitting a family isn’t a reason to stay in a pattern that slowly destroys you. He must earn trust again with sweat and boring consistency. If he refuses the hard work, your choice is clear: protect yourself and your kids. If you want, I’ll: Draft the exact script to tell him what you need and the timeline. Help you make the checklist to track his progress.
Which do you want first?

[Val Unfiltered💋]

babe… three times? that’s not a mistake, that’s a hobby. 💅 you’ve been playing therapist, babysitter, and wife…no wonder you’re exhausted.

men love to “change” when they’re about to lose comfort. talk is cheap, consistency is the real apology. and you’ve already paid enough in heartbreak. as for the new guy, don’t rush it. let him remind you what peace feels like, but don’t make him your escape plan. make him your mirror.

i know you already know the answer, your gut’s screaming it. time to listen. 💔🔥

[Ask April Masini]

Let me ask you this, does your active duty Navy husband cheat on you here in the US, or only when he’s deployed?

Because, when men are on tour there’s a whole lot going on. They’re dealing with no physical contact, loneliness, depression, anxiety, stress. And all of that can make someone look for comfort or emotional connection somewhere else.

In some units, there’s even peer pressure where being with other women is almost like a team bonding activity, and if you don’t go along with it, the guys make you feel like you’re not one of them.

Most men would cave under that kind of pressure. Only a very few men with really strong willpower and solid values can get through it without giving in.

But that doesn’t mean you have to put up with it.

Whether he’s cheating at home or on tour, my advice stays the same.

Right now, you need to make a decision and stick with it for good. Is cheating a deal breaker for you or not?

Because every time you forgive him, you’re sending him a message that cheating isn’t actually a deal breaker. And each time that happens, his willpower gets weaker and he gets bolder about doing it again.

Now, as for this new man in your life, I’m not going to tell you what to do, but I will tell you what NOT to do.

Don’t make your marriage messy by cheating just because he cheated too.

Think about your kids. Don’t wreck your relationship with them because you want to get back at your husband.

You deserve to walk away from this marriage with your head held high, knowing you did right by your marriage and by your kids.

You don’t want your kids caught in the middle of both parents cheating. You want them to look up to you as the person their father should have been.

So if you feel like this new man is the right next step for you, then leave your marriage first and go into it with a clean slate. Do it the right way. 😉

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