[EmilyD]

I was introduced to a guy 12 months ago by mutual friends – he is a pilot and lives in a different country. I was warned he had been a bit of a player in the past and our friends warned him not to hurt me. Fast forward 9 months and it became clear he couldn’t commit….we had an argument and I said some things that were very hurtful….mostly because they were true and not many people get to know him that well. He immediately deleted me from facebook and said he didnt want to speak to me again. The next day, with some prodding, he calmed down a bit and came to see me…we spoke for a long time and he said he had never been so hurt, but that he couldnt imagine never speaking to me again, and that we needed a bit of space and he was adamant with that, we could be friends. He told out mutual friends this too. I heard from him two weeks later and he made a lot of effort asking lots of questions about things. Then a couple more times we had contact over the next month or so. He then sent me a random text one day and I have to say, I didnt reply for 4 weeks…I had my reasons, one of which was that I was annoyed with him after a small disagreement the last time we spoke, plus I needed to really think about whether or not being friends was a good idea. So, I replied 4 weeks later, was very nice and friendly, apologised for the delay and no reply. Two days later I asked if he was ok as it wasn’t like him not to reply…nothing. I waited a week and sent a couple more texts asking what was wrong and telling him I valued our friendship and nothing! This is from a guy who has opened up to me about personal issues, his family etc….practically begged me to stay friends and had text me first!! Yes, I took a month to reply but is that really a reason to cut me off? In the meantime, I have found out that after about the 3 week mark of me not responding, he told our mutual friends he had cut ME off! I cannot believe he is doing this and am not sure if it is his ego or what? Do you think it is temporary or permanent? I just want my friend back. Advice appreciated.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I’m a little confused by your post, so fill me in! 🙂

You never really explained whether or not you ever dated this guy. You just said you were introduced, warned he was a player, confirmed this for yourself after nine months, and then he cut you off….. If that’s the case, then I’m not sure what it is you lost. If he was a boyfriend, he wasn’t someone who was going to be faithful, and if he wasn’t a boyfriend, why stay friendly with someone who cuts you off?

I know you said he opened up to you about his family and his personal life — but what is your true interest in a man who isn’t faithful as a boyfriend, and behaves so flippantly as a friend?

I’m not understanding why you care that he cut you off. Sounds more like you should be glad he’s showed you his true colors and now you can move on. 😉

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[EmilyD]

Thanks April…we were dating, rather than a couple as such…it was hard living in different countries and we were both aware of that. We developed quite a friendship though, so I am just surprised at why he would cut me off like this. Is it his ego? I know I really hurt him a couple of months before and I am not sure he has ever really forgiven me. I just dont understand why someone would behave like this, but I suppose you are right….I will just leave it and see what happens.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Thanks for the update. 🙂 If you were dating for nine months — but were in different countries — it’s fair to assume he was dating other women, too. It sounds like the two of you had some fights and some miscommunications — and that’s a lot easier to do when there are countries between you. But if he cut you off cold, then consider he wasn’t as good a friend, date or person as you thought he was. My advice is to not pay any more attention to him and move on. 😉

[EmilyD]

Ok thanks I will….I wouldn’t be surprised if I hear from him at some stae……if so, what would be your advice? Just be honest and tell him how I feel about the situation? After all, he was the one who contacted me and all I did was take time to reply.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I don’t think you should invest any more energy in this guy for the following reasons: 1) He’s not geographically desirable. He lives in a different country than you do, so he’s not a good candidate for a serious, romantic relationship. 2) He’s a player, so he’s not a great candidate for a serious romantic relationship. 3) He’s behaved badly, so he’s not a great candidate for a serious, romantic relationship.

Dating works best when you do it well, so don’t waste your time with anyone who isn’t a good candidate for your Mr. Right. 😉

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