[alana_asks34]

I have been with my boyfriend almost five years. He tells me repeatedly that we have a future together talks about moving in, marriage someday but there’s one thing that keeps chipping away at my confidence: he never brings me around his child. He has sole-ish parenting time and says he loves the time he spends with their kid, and he also loves our time together. But when I ask about meeting the child, the answer is always delayed or vague.
He claims the child’s mother doesn’t want the child around new partners and that she’s protective — which I understand — but the silence makes me uneasy. If he truly intends to build a life with me, wouldn’t he want me to slowly become part of that child’s life (in appropriate, respectful ways)? I’ve tried asking gently a few times — suggesting low-pressure, supervised meetups or family-friendly outings — but he deflects and says it’s “too complicated” or “not the right time.” Those answers leave me feeling like I’m being kept at arm’s length, as if our relationship is okay for now but not something he’s ready to fully integrate into his family world.
I’m torn: I want to respect custody boundaries and not push in a way that harms the kid or the co-parenting arrangement. At the same time I worry he may not be serious about a future if he won’t even take small, reasonable steps to include me. Is it fair to expect gradual inclusion if we’re building toward commitment? Am I wrong to feel insecure? What are reasonable, non-confrontational ways to bring this up so I can get a clear sense of his intentions — or decide whether I should move on?

[PassionSeeker]

Yes… that’s a big red flag. If he’s serious about a future with you, meeting his child is part of that reality. Promises without transparency or honesty—especially when it comes to something as important as his kid—can signal he’s not fully ready to include you in his life.

It’s okay to feel hurt and question this. You deserve someone who’s willing to share their life openly, not keep parts of it hidden. Protect your heart—if he’s not willing to be honest now, imagine how that might play out later.

You have every right to set this as a boundary. A future with someone should feel safe, open, and real—not full of secrets.

[Isabella Jones]

I can completely understand why this situation leaves you feeling uncertain. You’re not being pushy — you’re simply asking for inclusion in a part of his life that deeply matters. When someone talks about a shared future but keeps an entire piece of that future closed off, it naturally creates doubt. Love grows best where there’s transparency, not compartments.

It’s possible that he’s being cautious out of respect for his child or the co-parenting arrangement, and that’s commendable — but long-term commitment also means finding a way to integrate the person you love into that circle, even slowly. Avoidance only creates distance. You deserve a clear, compassionate answer about when and how that might happen, not indefinite “somedays.”

When you talk with him again, you might try framing it from care instead of pressure: “I respect how important your child’s stability is, and I want to be part of that in a thoughtful way. But I also need to understand what ‘future’ means to you in real steps.” That shows empathy and self-respect. 💛

What would a healthy, gradual introduction look like for you — and if he continues to avoid it, what boundary would you set to protect your own sense of worth and clarity?

[KeishaMartin]

Oh, love… I hear the worry in your words, and I can feel how much this is weighing on you.
It’s completely natural to want to slowly be part of your child’s life if you’re imagining a future together. That doesn’t make you pushy or selfish, it makes you someone who sees the full picture of a committed relationship. When he deflects or delays without a clear plan, it’s understandable that your heart would feel uneasy.

Here’s the truth: being serious about a future doesn’t just mean saying “I love you” or talking about marriage. It means showing consistency, transparency, and willingness to integrate the people who matter most in your life, and in his case, that includes his child. If he’s unwilling or hesitant without a clear reason, that’s something to pay attention to.
You could try approaching it gently, but directly. I love our relationship, and I see a future with you. Part of that future includes being connected in small, safe ways with your child. Can we talk about how and when that might happen, so I understand your intentions?

This frames it as wanting clarity, not confrontation. It also gives him space to show whether he’s ready to be honest and intentional.
Tell me, sweetheart, when you imagine him finally including you in his family world, does it feel like reassurance and warmth, or like stepping into unknown territory that makes you anxious?

[Sweetie]

Promises about the future are sweet, but they need to feel tangible. If you’re not allowed to meet his child, it can feel like he’s holding back a huge part of his life. Maybe there’s hesitation because he’s protecting his child from too much change, but at the same time, if the future really matters, you deserve to be part of it not just in words, but in real moments too. It’s okay to ask questions about his reasoning. You have a right to feel like you’re being included in his world, and if he’s not ready for that, it might be time to decide what’s best for you moving forward.

[Ask April Masini]

“He claims the child’s mother doesn’t want the child around new partners”

The first thing you need to ask him is “Am I a new partner to you?”

Because five years is not new. Five years is “we are a real thing,”

I get why the mom might not want new women around her kid. That’s fair. Kids need steady people,

But a five-year girlfriend?

So it is something to worry about. Maybe he doesn’t see a future. Maybe the mom just doesn’t want you around. Maybe both. But this alone can’t be used as a measure of where you stand in his life.

Because he can’t just force you into his kid’s life against the mother’s wish, especially as a girlfriend.

All you can do is talk to him, tell him how this makes you feel, and see if he can convince the kid’s mom.

[Author]

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