[indecisive]

Hi,
I regularly read your forum and adore your responses and often find answers to my own questions among the topics.
However, lately I’ve had some drama in my love life and need some precise opinion. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2 years now, I am 25 and he is 23 and this has been the most serious relationship we’ve both had so far, we put so much effort and love in it and it has mostly been fine. However, the last 6months we’ve been long distance and haven’t been seeing each other that often. During this period I caught him flirting online with random girls (mostly from very very far away countries, so I don’t see realistic ambitions to actually meet them live), some of them actually showing off on cam ( 😳 I’m embarrassed to say this in public, even though it’s not me who did it)and I got extremely pissed off. I confronted him about and hes said that he was feeling very lonely and needed sex, and this was his way to avoid actually cheating on me because it was completely impersonal (but I believe it is cheating in a way). So after that, I said we need to cool down and think about our strength to survive this long distance period (it’s probably gonna last another 6months) , and after couple of weeks we decided to give it another shot and hang on.
But lately I’ve had some jealousy issues and initiated several irrational fights with him due to my paranoia, which I told him is a result of me not completely getting over what happened and that now I got doubts and don’t trust him, but I am trying to regain my trust in him (it just doesnt happen over night). So the last fight we had, he said that he is so sorry to see me struggling so much and hurting with my internal conflict on whether to trust him or not, and how he is aware that this is all his fault. And he broke up with me. He said he can’t stand the thought of him hurting me again in any ways, because he realized how agonizing this has been for me. He was crying and seemed desperate when he did this. The next few days he said how sorry he was couple of times, and how this decision was very hard for him and that hell always be there for me, but is scared to continue this ways for my sake.
So, I just dissapeared, for 10 days no contact , nothing. And yesterday he sent me a message saying how he hopes I am doing ok and that he really loves me and that is the reason for his decision.
This confuses me. Is this his way of looking for reassurance, for me to tell him that its ok to continue, that I trust him again? Or its genuine feelings and intentions? I am not even sure if I want to get back because of the trust issues, but what bugs me now is the true reason for the break up. On one side I believe that it really is because of love (cuz so far hes proven in 10000 ways how much he loves me), but on the other side I got doubts that this is his incapability to put up with my distrust after what hes done , or an attempt to get me to continue without even mentioning his former mistakes…. any thoughts?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Long distance relationships are not for everyone because they’re very difficult to conduct well. It’s normal for him to want sex, but his indiscretion was embarrassing to you because it was so public. It’s also an unfortunate judgment call on his part. But it brought up a real issue between the two of you: What do you want him to do for sex when you’re not there for six months?

Because there wasn’t a good answer, he decided to break up with you, and it’s understandable that he loves you, but can’t be true to you and to himself at the same time under the long distance circumstances. I know this is confusing to you, and you’re hurt and angry by his need for sex being greater than his need to be true to you in a way that works for you.

I hope that answers your questions and sheds some light on the situation. My advice is that you try and find a relationship with someone that is not long distance.

Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAPrilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 🙂

[indecisive]

Thank you! That does actually help a lot and gives some closure to my whole situation!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I’m glad I was able to help! 😀

Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

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