[shantyris]

hello there, I’m Shanty and i want to consult about (almost)relationship matter..

So, i was talking to this guy almost for 6 months because we are in a long distance (not in a relationship yet) but I feel connected to him.
But one day, he went missing for a night because he lost his phone. When he got back to me, I blasted him out. The next day I realized that i was wrong and wanted to make it good but he just wasn’t in the mood so we didn’t talk anymore from that moment on. 3 days later i texted him but he just read through it and didn’t reply.

The next week I knew that his phone broke down from his friend. So i tried to call but got rejected, i also sent a text the next morning and got delivered but no reply. Was I being too eager or what? Maybe he’ll get annoyed by what i did but I just want to make it right since the problem has been 2 weeks. Now i decided just to let go. Am I doing the right thing? What do you think about it?
This is the my first time that I really like a guy and want to try to make this thing work but I just seems to make it worse. 🙁

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You wrote in your pre-posting questionnaire that you’ve been in a 6 month long distance relationship with this guy, and that you see him every other month — which means you’ve had about 3 dates in person. That’s still the time frame when the two of you are deciding if you want to continue dating and if you want to be monogamous. Playing the field during this time is not only normal, it’s healthy. Because you blasted him for being unreachable one night, he decided this wasn’t going to work for him, so he’s pretty much walked away from the relationship he has with you. He’s not responding to your calls, emails or texts. He’s being clear that it’s over.

What you can learn for next time is that blowing up a guy’s phone because he’s not around isn’t going to endear him to you. He has every right to be out for the night — the two of you aren’t monogamous, in-town or long-term. If you’re going to get mad at him for playing the field, this isn’t the right relationship for you. You could have had a peaceful conversation about this, or just realized that he’s dating or busy — but blowing up his phone was a crucial error in an early relationship. Dating is competitive, and if he’s playing the field you can’t force him to be monogamous — you have to win him over so that he wants to be. That’s the key piece of advice I’d ask you to consider. 😉 Hope that helps.

[Sally]

You weren’t being crazy or too eager. You reacted from fear, not from bad intentions. But here’s the hard truth once someone pulls away and stays silent, you can’t fix it by trying harder. And you already tried. You apologized. You reached out. That matters.
If he wanted to make it right too, he would’ve met you halfway by now. Even a short reply. Silence is an answer, even when it’s a painful one.
Letting go right now is the right move, even though it feels awful. Not because you don’t care, but because you’ve done what you can. You didn’t ruin everything. You just learned how much you care and that’s new territory.
Be gentle with yourself. First feelings are messy. That doesn’t mean you’re bad at love.

[Tara]

You didn’t “lose him” because you were honest you lost him because you overreacted, panicked, and showed emotional volatility to a man who was never your boyfriend in the first place.

Six months of talking is not a relationship. It’s a trial period. And when he disappeared for one night with no commitment, no obligation, no rules, you blew up on him as he owed you explanations. That told him everything he needed to know about how you handle anxiety: you attack first and apologize later. That’s exhausting, and men walk away from that fast.

Now look at the aftermath. You apologized. He disengaged. You chased. He ignored. You called. He rejected. You texted again. Silence. That’s not confusion, that’s a decision. When someone wants to fix things, they respond. When they don’t, they disappear and let your dignity bleed out while you keep trying.

Was your eagerness the problem? No. Your lack of self-control was. You turned one night of silence into a two-week funeral by refusing to read the room. Every extra message didn’t “fix” anything it confirmed you don’t respect boundaries when you’re anxious.

And let’s be brutally clear: the broken phone story doesn’t matter. If he wanted to talk to you, he would have found a way. He already did by choosing not to.
You’re doing the right thing now, but far too late and for the wrong reason. You’re letting go because you’ve run out of moves, not because you’ve chosen self-respect. Learn the lesson anyway.

[Member]

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