[Katie01234]

Alright, so this might be a little long but I’d like to explain my situation to you.

I’m 19 years old and I’ve never had a boyfriend before. This isn’t always the case, but I tend to get hung up on one person for a few years and nothing ends up happening with them. So finally, I was fed up with being miserable over a certain guy, and I told him I liked him. He said he liked me too but we mostly hung out like normal after that (he was one of my close friends) and after a month I asked him what exactly we were doing. He said he was unsure about his feelings and that he wasn’t ready for a relationship. I was devastated for a bit, but then I turned determined to get him to like me again…

While in this mindset of trying to better myself and get him to like me (I wasn’t contacting him but planned to eventually), one of my coworkers started talking to me. We work in a movie theater but never really talked since he works in a different department then I do. So, one day he added me on facebook, and eventually contacted me and we exchanged numbers. I thought he was cute and he seemed nice enough but I still really wanted it to work out with guy #1. Anyway, “guy #2” asked me to hangout one day and I accepted. He never called it a date or anything but I guess that’s what it was. I had a good time but I still liked guy #1 and didn’t think anything would happen with this new guy.

Guy # 2 said we should hangout again and I said sure. We ended up hanging out about four times as just friends, and on the fifth meeting (we were in a movie) he asked if I could hold his hand. I did but I still was unsure about how I felt about him; it was just too soon after things with guy #1 had ended. The next time I hung out with guy #2, he kissed me. I pretty much just stopped him. I hadn’t kissed anyone since elementary school so I didn’t know what I was doing & I still had some feelings left for guy #1. I told guy #2 that I wasn’t rejecting him but I just hadn’t kissed someone since the 3rd grade and I didn’t know what I was doing. We still hungout for a bit after that and held hands later on in the evening so I thought things were still good between us.

After that day, we still hungout several times. I explained my situation about having lingering feelings for someone else, but I said I still wanted to hangout and just take things slow. He never tried to kiss me again. I’m really insecure with my body, especially my stomach, so one day when he tried to “attack” my bellybutton, I stopped him from doing that too. After that, we still talked but it just didn’t feel the same. I told him I felt like i messed up any chance of having more than a friendship with him. He said I didn’t, but that I had to be physically comfortable with myself if I wanted to be more than friends. I said I would try, but it’s something that just comes and goes so I didn’t know how that would work. He just stopped responding after a while (this was over text). We hung out after a meeting at work some time after that, and talked a bit more, but communication slowly stopped. I tried to make plans with him but he was busy. He used to text me constantly and always ask to hangout. But, this was the second time in a row when he said he couldn’t. So, I took that as a hint not to ask him anymore. I figured if he wanted to hangout with me, he would ask, since he never had a problem with asking before. Of course, the invitation never came. We talked a few times after, but it was never a long conversation because he would stop responding, even if he’s the one who initiated the conversation.

I went to a movie screening knowing he would be there one night, and he was there…with another one of our coworkers. She and him have been friends for almost a year, but he’s 22 and she’s 17. I remember him telling me that she wanted to date him, but he said no because she was too young. They still stayed good friends though. Unfortunately, they became even closer in the next 2 months after me and him stopped talking. I thought it might be a rebound sort of thing, even though they weren’t dating, just spending a lot of time together. They see each other all the time now, but even she said they weren’t dating. I don’t understand why he would hangout with her so much, knowing she liked him, if he had no intentions to date her.

So, now here we are. Ten days ago, he texted me after I wrote a facebook status that said “we’re either friends or we’re not, not just when you want to be.” it wasn’t about him, but he said “I hope we’re still friends :/” in the text. I said sure, if he wanted to be. He said he did & that he was under the impression that I hated him and made an observation about us not talking anymore. I said I didn’t hate him, but that he stopped responding to my texts, so I stopped texting him. He said replied with “What? I never ignored you?” and said that my invites to hangout stopped so he figured I didn’t want to hangout anymore. He thought that it bothered me after he kissed me. I told him that it didn’t, and he asked when our next adventure was going to be. I told him that I’d tell him when I was free.

The next day, I was still not quite happy with our conversation. I didn’t understand his reasoning for not talking to me. We hung out plenty of times after the kiss, so how could him thinking that it bothered me be the reason we stopped talking? I texted him and asked if he was being completely honest with his reasoning and told him that I wasn’t sure I COULD hangout again. (I had finally started to move on, I really did like him and was really hurt when he stopped talking to me & was hanging out with that other girl). I told him that since I won’t be able to see him as just a friend, maybe we should be friendly acquaintances instead. (I was assuming that he just wanted to stay friends and nothing more). We ended up having a really long conversation, and he said that he had liked me & that he tried, but it didn’t seem like I did. He said that I made it seem like I just wanted to stay friends. I told him that I never said that, but I just wanted to take things slow because I was getting over someone else. I also said that he was the one who said we couldn’t be more than friends, because I wasn’t physically comfortable with myself. Long convo short, he said that he thought not hanging out again was the wrong approach. I said okay, & that I would tell him when I was free.

So basically, in that conversation, I figured that it was understood that I did like him. Since we made plans again, I thought this would be a second chance and that this time, I wouldn’t mess it up. If he kissed me, I wouldn’t turn him down. I would try and hopefully end up being in a relationship with him eventually. I texted him a couple of days after our long convo & wished him luck on his finals. We talked for a bit & he said he would be at my school the next dayto pay a bill and asked if I wanted to meet up. I said yes and he said he would text me when he was there.

The next day came around, and he never texted me. I wrote to him around 5pm, saying that I guess he already went to the school. He said that he never ended up going and that he would’ve texted me if he was there. I replied saying that I thought he either didn’t go or just didn’t want to see me. He said “I was the one who asked to meet up, why wouldn’t I want to?” I just said i didn’t know lol. Later on that night, he asked if I wanted to see an employee screening. I said I would like to, but I was busy and told him to tell me how it was. We had already made plans for two days later anyway, so I was fine with not seeing him that night.

When the next two days rolled around, I was eager to see him. I texted him around 5 to ask if our plans were still on. I knew he was free after 8. He never responded to my text, so when 8pm came around I texted him again with a question mark. He replied almost an hour and a half later & said he was sorry & that his plans ended later than he thought they would (he was volunteering at a fire dept). He asked if I was still up for hanging out, and after a really long time debating what we should do after 10pm on a friday night (the choice was up to me and I’m really indecisive), I finally chose to see a movie. He got to the theater earlier than I expected so I left when I found out he was already there. We still had 40 minutes until the movie when I got there, so we just hungout at the bar and talked. Then, we got popcorn & went to the theater our movie was in. He was throwing popcorn at me and acting really flirty the whole night (although he’s just a flirt in general). I had a really good time even though the movie wasn’t that great. I told him we wouldn’t have had that problem if he had just chose something else to do but he said that it was my choice, and that I’d be choosing again next time too because he chose all the other times we hung out. We just ended the night with a hug, and said our goodbyes. I was so happy when I got home; I really really like him. And he implied that he would see me again so I thought he had had a good time too. This was on Friday. Today is Sunday. I know it’s a little too soon to be worried, but when we first hung out in the beginning, he would text me after & thank me for hanging out and maybe ask when we were hanging out again. This time, he still hasn’t talked to me yet. And when I went on facebook this morning, I saw that he changed his profile picture to a picture of him & the coworker who wanted to date him. They were at an aquarium & there was a penguin with them in the picture. She took him there for his Christmas present because he’s pretty much obsessed with penguins, lol. I think they might have gone the day after me & him saw the movie (so, yesterday.) The weekend before (a day or two after we had our long talk), he had taken her out of state for her Christmas present to see a comedian. Obviously they had already had the plans, but I wasn’t too happy about it. Plus, he made his profile picture to a picture of them this morning and hasn’t talked to me since our “date” (if that’s what it was).

So, basically, he’s still really close with this girl and it kind of feels like their dating even though he said he wouldn’t date her. I have no idea what there relationship is like. I know that it’s possible that they’re just best friends (she called him her “bffl”), but for them to spend so much time together and give each other such big Christmas presents, it’s got me worried. I know he has a lot of friends that are girls, too. I guess I’m just one of them? He has had long term relationships before, so it’s not like he can’t commit to someone. And I know he liked me before, and he must still a little if he was flirting so much with me when we saw each other on Friday and implied that we’d see each other again. But, does he just like me as a friend? I had made it clear to him that being friends with him would be hard for me, because I can’t see him as just a friend. He still had said that we should hangout after I told him that. I don’t know what to think. Does he like our coworker instead of me?

I really want this to work out; I like him a lot. So, what should I do? Should I just wait a little longer for him to try and talk to me or should I just talk to him? I am determined for this to work out. I need any advice I can get. I know I haven’t handled the situation the best, but I thought I might have gotten a second chance and that it went really well when we hung out, so I don’t want to mess this up. If anyone could please give me advice, I would appreciate it. Thank you.

[Katie01234]

Also, someone said that I only like guys when they’re not interested in me, but I don’t think that’s the case since I still very much liked guy #1 when he said he liked me. So if you’re going to respond with the same thing, that doesn’t really help me lol

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Whew! That was loooong. 😆

You need some basic training when it comes to men, and although you don’t have a lot of dating experience, I think you’re not too young to read Think & Date Like A Man, [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url], a book I wrote for women who want to do better than they are in the dating world. Not all of it will apply, but some will, and I think you’re mature enough to benefit from it. You can buy the book at this link and at the links for Barnes & Noble and Amazon. What you need to learn is the basic dynamic between men and women and what to do to get the guy.

Here are a few previews of the advice you’ll get in the book, that I think are relevant for you:

1. Don’t chase men. They love to win women over, and if you make it too easy for them to have you, they’ll lose interest. In other words, let him call you and make plans — don’t you do it.

2. Flirting is how you draw him in. Get him to WANT to date you! The more alluring you are, the more interested he’ll be.

3. He was right, you have to be comfortable in your own skin. It’s entirely normal for a 19 year old guy to want to kiss you if he likes you. If you pull away and tell him the reason is that you haven’t ever kissed anyone — and then don’t give it a try — he’s going to feel rejected and he’ll think you’re not that into kissing or kissing him. It’s good that you know you’re uncomfortable in your skin, but you have to work at becoming more comfortable. If you have a tummy you’re self conscious of, do some sit ups or take a Pilates class. You get my drift, I think.

4. And lastly, of course, he likes this other woman. But if you want him, then you have to make yourself more attractive to him so he’ll want to be with you, not her. You can’t confront him about her and complain about her and expect him to like you more because of it. Instead, forget her, and focus on you…. and him.

I hope that helps.

Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]

[Katie01234]

Thank you! Sorry for the really long post lol

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re welcome! 😀

[Member]

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