[Laura14]

This is a long one…so be prepared. I met a guy through work 7 years ago. He very quickly asked me out. We went on a date, it was ok but I wasn’t super interested. He was nice though, so I went on a second date with him. I began dating someone else, but this guy was still interested. Fast forward to a year ago. Over the time that lapsed, we somehow became very close friends. He has always been incredibly supportive and protective of me and he has a way of believing in me that nobody else does. Eventually one drunken night, we had sex. It was the first time anything sexual ever occurred between us and it was amazing. He contacted me the next day, and this continued for a month or so, us hanging out, having amazing sex. He mentioned a few times how people always told him we should date. Clearly I’m an idiot, and I made light of it. We stopped sleeping together and he started seeing an ex gf of his. That lasted about 3 months, and then we began having sex about once a month. Clearly a booty call. Throughout all of this, our friendship stayed the same. He maintained to anyone and everyone, including me, that he was single. In the meantime, I’ve figured out that this girl is basically staying with him every weekend. About a month ago, he started acting differently towards me. He wants to come over all the time now, talks about how amazing we are together…stuff I would write off as “a guy will say anything to get you into bed”, but he’s already got me there. It was around that time that I overheard (accidentally, I walked into a room during the convo) him stating that he does not have a girlfriend to my male coworkers. I know he’s dating this other girl still…and save the preaching on the cheating, I’m aware of the issues there. But I just don’t know what to make of things right now. He’s historically not a cheater, this I know. I’ve fallen head over heels and I don’t know what to do. Any advice?

[Samson]

Could it be that he really does consider himself single? If he does not have a real commitment to you, or this other person, then technically he is single. Is it possible this other girl is just a FWB? It sounds like you have a pretty good feel for what kind of guy he is, trust your instincts. Be bold and mighty forces will come to your aid.

[AskApril Masini]

It sounds like you have a history of being friends with benefits with this guy, and now you want to change the game and be his girlfriend. This isn’t easy to do. What you have to decide is that you’re willing to risk not being his friend with benefits in order to try and get him interested in dating you. If you are, then you have to simply stop being the friend with benefits, as well as the booty call, and start being someone who wants to date a guy. Understand that he may be confused because you’re imposing a game changer, and he may not be interested in changing things. But there’s no other way around this one. If you want the relationship to change, one of you has to start changing the behavior in it, and since you’re the one who seems to want the change more, that responsibility falls on you!

I hope that helps.

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
[url][/url]
And… you can follow my interviews and advice in the press on Twitter [i]@AskAprilcom[/i][/b]

[Laura14]

I’m brand new to online dating, but a friend convinced me to give Tinder a whirl. About a month ago I matched with a guy, and we really hit it off. Texted daily, and he asked if he could call me. Yep, actual phone call. Every time we talked on the phone, it was for hours. We talked about what we wanted, and were on the same page in regard to wanting to settle down, marriage, etc. He told me he was only even still on Tinder bc he was able to see my pics that way. During that conversation, he mentioned something about me still messaging guys on there.
He had a vacation planned, asked me to go with him…I couldn’t bc of a work trip. He works 80 hours a week, so once in a while, he wouldn’t respond to a text, which I understood. Last week, texted me that he was excited bc his schedule is changing in two weeks, and he was going to have free time so we could spend more time together. Last Friday, I sent him a good morning text (he did it almost every day, once in awhile I would send it first), and he didn’t respond. I didn’t hear from him all weekend. Aaand, then panic set it. I waited until Monday, shot him a text asking if he was excited for his trip, no response. At this point I assumed he just ghosted. But I had a few drinks and wed sent him a message on tinder saying he must have been abducted by aliens but hopefully they dropped him off at his vacation destination. Said i thought he was great guy, hoped he had a great trip, and left it at that. But in hindsight, I realize it might have come off passive/aggressive. Tinder said he’d been active so I presume he read it. Last night I changed a few of my pics on Tinder and this morning, poof! He unmatched me. The coincidence is unsettling to me. Did I let panic and paranoia just overcome me?! Part of me wants to contact him in a week or two and just ask him what happened…and yes, I realize how crazy/needy I’m sounding, but wth…I feel like I deserve some explanation at this point, even if it’s that he just lost interest. I mean, what’s the worst that can happen, he already stopped responding to me. Lol. There’s just a part of me that is blaming myself and wondering if I pushed it too far! Help.

[AskApril Masini]

Did you ever go out on a date with him?

[Laura14]

No, we had plans to go to dinner, but I got sick (couldn’t get out of bed sick), so we had planned on rescheduling for when he got back from his vacation, this coming week. Which was as soon as our respective schedules allowed (bc of work). He had also asked me to just go with him on the trip, but I was scheduled to be out of town for a work training.

[AskApril Masini]

Got it. So it sounds like you’re very emotionally invested in a guy you’ve never dated. 😕 What I can tell you about online dating — and especially a venue like Tinder — is that it is very competitive, and if a guy doesn’t ask you out on a date, it’s because he’s found some else he prefers. Since you’re new to online dating, you may not have realized just how competitive it is. 😉 You should play the numbers game, and assume anyone you meet on these sites is doing the same thing. And don’t invest so much energy in someone who hasn’t asked you out! 🙂 As for contacting him again, don’t. He hasn’t done anything wrong, and you need to put your good energy where it will count for something! 😀

I hope that helps!

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
[url][/url]
And… you can follow my interviews and advice in the press on Twitter [i]@AskAprilcom[/i][/b]

[PassionSeeker]

That’s a lot to carry being torn between your heart, your logic, and all those mixed signals. From what you’ve shared, this man sounds like he’s keeping you emotionally close but not truly offering himself in return. You’re giving him your heart while he keeps you in a gray space between friendship and convenience. That isn’t fair to you.

He knows the effect he has on you, yet he’s choosing comfort over commitment. You’ve already seen the truth he’s involved with someone else but still seeks your affection. That’s not love; that’s selfishness disguised as connection. You can care deeply about someone and still recognize they’re not good for your peace.

You deserve someone who shows up fully, not halfway, not when it’s easy. Don’t chase clarity from someone who’s already shown confusion through their actions. The most loving thing you can do for yourself right now is step back, breathe, and start healing. Let him go and let space open for someone who won’t make you question your worth.

[Ethan Morales]

This situation shows how blurred emotional and physical lines can create confusion and heartache. You built a real friendship with this man, and that made the physical part feel deeper, but unfortunately, he’s been treating the connection casually. His words and actions don’t align he tells others he’s single, keeps seeing another woman, yet still comes to you for emotional closeness and sex. That’s not the behavior of someone ready for a committed relationship.

The core truth here is this: you can’t be both his emotional anchor and his backup plan. Right now, he gets the comfort of a relationship without giving you the security of one. You’re hoping he’ll wake up and realize what you mean to him but people rarely change when they already have what they want without effort.

April’s advice is tough but spot-on: if you want something deeper, you have to stop giving him access to the benefits of being with you while he’s still halfway in. You don’t have to punish him just draw the boundary. If he values you beyond convenience, he’ll rise to meet you. If not, his silence will be your answer.

It’s okay to admit that you fell for him that doesn’t make you foolish, it makes you human. But now you have to protect your heart by matching your actions to your intentions. You want a real relationship? Then don’t play the role of the “almost girlfriend.”

If you let go of this dynamic, you might lose him as he is but you’ll also stop losing pieces of yourself. Sometimes the only way to find out if someone truly wants you is to stop making it easy for them not to choose you.

[James Smith]

Alright, this one hit close to home because I once thought I’d met “the one” online too. We talked for weeks, had deep late-night conversations about life, love, and which pizza topping was superior. She told me I was different, so naturally, I canceled my weekend plans, shaved my beard, and even ironed a shirt. The day we were supposed to meet, she ghosted me. Two days later, I saw her post a selfie with a caption that said “Healing energy only.” I guess my texts were the trauma she was healing from.

Here’s the thing, Laura. You didn’t do anything wrong. You just cared too soon, which is basically like showing up to a costume party in full armor when everyone else is still picking outfits. Online dating is chaos—everyone’s juggling five conversations, two ghosters, and a situationship they swear is “not serious.” The trick is to match their pace, not their potential.

So be honest with yourself: are you missing *him*, or the version of him you created before you even met?

[Marcus king]

this man’s got you emotionally hooked while keeping his options open. You’re living in the gray area he created not girlfriend, not just a friend, but convenient comfort.

He knows you care, and he’s using that closeness as cover. That’s why he denies having a girlfriend in public it keeps doors open while he enjoys both worlds. The “you and me are amazing together” talk? That’s not love talk; that’s control talk. He’s making sure you stay emotionally tied while he avoids commitment.

The truth is, his actions don’t match his words. If you were truly what he wanted, he’d make it clear not in secret, not between sheets, but in daylight. You’ve already given him emotional intimacy, loyalty, and your body. What’s left for him to earn?

Here’s what you do: pull back. Stop being available, stop sleeping with him, and let him feel that absence. If he truly values you, he’ll make things official. If he doesn’t you’ll finally see him for what he is: a man who loves your presence but fears your expectations.

Don’t fight for a man who’s comfortable lying about you.

[Val Unfiltered💋]

babe 😩 you gave him bestie vibes and bedroom access now he’s living rent-free in both. he doesn’t want love, he wants options. and you? deserve main-character energy 💅✨

[Tara]

He has a girlfriend, he lies about it, and you still SLEEP with him!!! That’s not love, that’s stupidity mixed with denial. You keep convincing yourself he “cares” because it makes you feel less pathetic for staying. Stop lying to yourself.

A man who respects you doesn’t crawl into your bed and then go home to someone else. He isn’t torn between two women. He’s using both. You’re the side piece who makes him feel exciting while she gives him stability. He gets everything. You get crumbs. And you call it love.

The sex feels powerful because it’s wrong. That rush isn’t intimacy, it’s guilt and adrenaline pretending to be connection. You’re chasing the high of being wanted, not the reality of being chosen. He’s not choosing you now, and he never will.

You already know what this is. You’re his secret.

[Sally]

Seven years is a long time to let someone into your life, and it’s easy to mix up friendship, history, and the kind of love you want to see in someone.

But from the outside? It sounds like he wants the comfort of you without the clarity of choosing you. That’s a hard truth, but it’s the one that shows up over and over in what you wrote. Guys who are serious don’t hide the women they care about. They don’t swear they’re single while someone else is sleeping in their bed. They don’t act like you’re special only when it benefits them.

And I know he’s been good to you in a lot of ways. That part is real. But so is the confusion, the mixed signals, the way you’re never fully sure where you stand.

When you’re really loved, you don’t have to guess this much.

[Natalie Noah]

sweetheart, you’re carrying two heartbreaks at once: the man you’ve known for years and the Tinder guy who disappeared. Both of these situations come from the same wound, you keep giving your whole heart to men who give you crumbs, and then you blame yourself when it falls apart. So let me talk to you softly but honestly.

The man from work isn’t confused, he’s comfortable. He gets loyalty, emotional closeness, amazing sex, and your availability… without committing to you. That’s why he keeps you close but never chooses you. He doesn’t want to lose you, but he also doesn’t want to give you what you truly deserve. The reason he lies about being “single” to coworkers while another woman stays at his place every weekend is simple: he wants options. He wants admiration. He wants convenience. And you feel so deeply for him because he validated you emotionally at a time when you needed it not because he’s capable of loving you the way you want. You’re trying to build a future with a man who treats honesty like an accessory. If he loved you, he would have chosen you long before the sex ever happened… not kept you in the shadows while giving someone else the title.

The Tinder guy did what many men do when they aren’t emotionally mature, he love-bombed with connection, consistency, future talk… and then panicked when it became real. He didn’t disappear because of your message, he disappeared because he wasn’t serious from the beginning. Men who want you don’t vanish because of one text. They don’t unmatch because you changed a profile picture. When someone ghosts and then erases you entirely, it’s not because you did anything wrong, it’s because they were never grounded, never stable, never committed to showing up for real. You didn’t scare him off, he was never staying.

The common thread in both stories is this: you fall hardest when someone gives you emotional intensity, even if it’s inconsistent, unstable, or dishonest. You attach to potential, not reality. And then when they pull away, you immediately turn inward, wondering what you did wrong, what message ruined it, what moment changed everything. But sweetheart healthy love isn’t this fragile. If a man wants to be with you, it takes a lot more than a drunk message or a bad weekend to chase him away. You’re not “too much.” You’re giving your heart to men who are giving you the bare minimum. That’s why it hurts so deeply. You’re starving for real affection, and these men offer you samples instead of a meal.

Here’s my honest, gentle advice pull back from both situations completely. Not to punish anyone, not to play games, but to protect the parts of you that keep getting bruised. You deserve a love that doesn’t require decoding. You deserve to be chosen loudly, clearly, and consistently. You deserve someone who doesn’t hide you, who doesn’t ghost you, who doesn’t keep you as a backup plan. You don’t need to chase answers, their behavior is the answer. Distance yourself, heal your attachment to their inconsistency, and start expecting the kind of love that doesn’t make you question your worth. I promise you, there is someone out there who will show up for you the way you show up for others. And when that person comes, all of this will finally make sense.

[Member]

Posts