[siona666]

We have been engaged for 2 and a half years now and am at the end of my tether, he is always criticising everything, undermining me in front of people etc and the spark has totally gone. The thing is in any normal situation I’d have run a mile from this type of relationship, but the problem is more complicated because I am also his full time carer too. I am finding life is just getting harder now, at one time I could just brush it off and put it down to his illness, but had a bereavement last year of a relative through suicide and can’t take anymore now n everytime we try to talk things over he never listens n when I try to confront issues with the relationship he either goes all submissive or just changes the subject. It wasn’t always like that from the start but it’s getting progressively worse, just don’t know what to do for the best sometimes I just want to just disappear somewhere not to be heard from again by him, but because I’m his dependent it’s not that easy he’s dragging me to breaking point please help?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Fill me in a little more before I give you advice. What do you mean when you say that you are his full time career? Do you employ him? What kind of illness does he have and when did he get sick? How old are you both and if you’re engaged, when is your wedding date?

Let me know this info, and I’ll give you my advice. 😀

[siona666]

Sorry I meant I care for him, he’s 54 and has pick’s disease, he was diagnosed four years ago, so it was pretty intense from the start, but things are getting worse by the day. I’m only 26 and wonder what I should do as I mentionned we are engaged but no date has been set yet, to be honest am half considering just ending everything with him, but know that if I did it could be detrimental to his mental health, am so confused. Please help??

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I still need a little more detail. 🙂

Are you [i]employed[/i] by him, meaning, does he pay you to take care of him? (Are you a professional caretaker?)

And why haven’t you picked a wedding date?

[siona666]

well I get paid by the Healthboard to care for him as a family carer, we haven’t set the wedding date because we have a lot of paperwork and things to sort out first as we both moved over from England to Ireland, and have to pay more for relevant paperwork from beyond before we can even register a marriage and as we are on a limited budget it’s taking sooo long, with the way the cost of living is going up over here it is becoming really hard to even budget, that’s a reason but the main reason is the fact that it is difficult to have an in depth discussion regarding plans when Jimmy isn’t willing to discuss things in depth and can be rather brash.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I’m getting the feeling you’re making excuses for him to avoid the truth. 😕 The reason you don’t have a wedding date after a two year engagement is because he doesn’t want one. 😳 If he did, he’d be open to discussing it. Men who want to get married, make it happen. Paperwork isn’t an excuse — his unwillingness to discuss marriage is the problem here.

It also sounds like your employment, being paid to take care of him, is interfering with your ability to see the relationship clearly. My advice is that you find someone else to take care of him. It’s not always a good idea to work for or with a boyfriend. Sometimes it’s a great fit — in your case, it seems like an impediment. If he was just a boss, you’d quit — or he wouldn’t treat you poorly. But since he’s your fiance and your boss, your boundaries are crossed over and over again.

Clear things up for yourself by quitting your job, and finding one outside of the house. Let him hire someone else to take care of him, and then see how the relationship goes. But if he’s not being kind to you, obviously, there’s no reason to stay in a relationship with him.

Let me know if that helps and how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

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