[trblinparadise]

We have been dating two years, he’s in his 50’s and I am in my 40’s. We took it slow, dated in seperate homes for the past year in one-half and made the decision to move in together 6 months ago.
After both our leases expired, we got our “Together Place”., one month prior to moving in my mother unexpectantly passed away, I was devastated. Our moving in to our together place helped me cope and get through the tough time. Before we could unpack our last box in our new place, HIS mother calls crying that she would rather die then live with his brother. His mother is 82. They were fighting and she asked if she could move in with us. Because I love this man, and I was vurnable because of just losing my mom, I felt bad for her and said yes. I also figured our new house is big so she could live on the other side of the house and nothing would change. I even discussed that with him., I stated that I am fine with it as long as we continued to grow as a couple and nothing changed. Afterall, we are not married we are still in the “Growing Phase” of this relationship.
BAD DECISION!! 10 weeks into it now and I AM TOTALLY MISERABLE. Totally miserable because she is nosey, needy, controling, manupulative, and follows him all over the house like a little child. We went from being outgoing, active, spontaneous, and fun to our entire world revolving around her living with us. This woman is healthy, mind, body and soul she does not need the attention shes praying for. We got her into a Senior daycare 3 times a week hoping she would find enough social time with her peers that when shes home she would leave us alone, “Sometimes” atleast. Not happening..but I know why its not happening.. My boyfriend does not know how to say no to her, he spoils her, he condones her intrusion on our personal space because he does not want to hurt her feelings. I tried being pacient waiting for him to excuse her during our intimate moments or time together as in when he and I are talking, hugging, or trying to watch a movie together..he doesn’t do it., he invites the problems. So the more he baby’s her, the more resentful I have started to feel, because it’s excessive, and we are never alone anymore. Well I could only bite tounge for so long and now I have become quite open with him because I am so aggravated I can’t hold back waiting on him to protect us anymore. I have been respectful to him when I share my feelings, I know its his mother. I handle the conversation with kit gloves, still he get very defensive and angry at me and at times has called me jealous and petty. I do not think I am petty when I can’t enjoy my kitchen, home, boyfriend, privacy, or personal time in my own home. I truly feel there should be healthy boundaries set..she should not expect us to be her full time Companion nor should he expect me to be hers. The situation is esculating and her moving out is not an option, he made that clear. I do not even know where I stand, I gave up my home, my single life and made this commitment to be a part of his life..I do not have “The Wife” title to put my foot down here, so I do not know how to handle this. I was in love with this man, I am still in love with him but his unwillingness to put our life plan first is troubling me bad. All I want is the ability to have personal and relationship space in our own home, have some of our couple moments as we did prior to her moving in, just let us be in love like we were. Our big hearts should not be trampled on like this..It’s like I said “My home is your home and she’s saying “Get off my property”. She wants her son to be her companion and she’s cramping the space so tightly she’s trying to push me out. I am so sad, this is a huge deal breaker and if he can not handle my feelings and ignores them, and she keeps going, I know we are doomed..I AM SAD AND LOST 🙁 ANY ADVICE? Thank you.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You will never be happy with his mother living in your home, so you have to decide whether you’re going to stay or not. He’s made it clear that his mother is now part of the package that comes with him, so you have the opportunity to take him as a package deal, or move on.

My advice is to move on. I know you had two great years with him, and you moved in together and that’s a big deal to undo, but if you continue to stay, your life will be miserable and you’ll be bitter and resentful and there will be blow ups and this will end badly.

Go for a drama free break up and explain that you love him, but his decision to keep his mom in your home is a deal breaker, and you wish them both well (any woman he dates after you, under this scenario will need more help than I can give her).

This is a deal breaker. Recognize it. Grieve. And move on.

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
[url][/url][/b]

[Member]

Posts